Poor Edna

scarlett2001August 22, 2010

Would you please indulge me for a few moments and read this short entry? It's is a true tale of one of my family members, Edna, or, as she became known in the town, "Poor Edna".

Edna married very young and was miserable. Her husband was not an abuser, a drinker nor really any type of bad guy except kind of a clueless, kindly schlub. He supported Edna and eventually their three kids, but her marital woes grew every year and she freely voiced her discontent to everybody in the town. Edna even ran to the religious leaders, the ministers and even the town priest, who suggested marriage counseling. Edna declined. She was, she said, too distraught.

After many decades of this, Edna finally inherited about $500,000- in those days and in the place where she lived, enough for her to easily leave the husband and establish herself as an independent woman. Edna's troubles were finally over, the townspeople rejoiced for her!

However, Edna chose to stay married. Without the constant attention she got from sympatheric friends, she had no identity. So Edna became a kind of martyr to the permanancy of the marriage vows and lived (loudly and unhappily) with the guy another 50 years, earning herself a sort of celebrity status in the town and, I'm SO SURE, a crown in Heaven.

The moral of this story - do you see very many Ednas here?

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deborah_ps

I've been an Edna in my life at times...I think a number of us have.
Years ago I had a friend who would kibitz about her marital woes. After each and every visit my DH would ask me if I'd spent time with her...I'd often ask "how did you know'? He'd reply "because your attitude towards me isn't very generous". WOW. Opened my eyes to the Poor Edna's in my life, and how poisonous they could be to my relationship with my hubby.

    Bookmark   August 23, 2010 at 5:58PM
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asolo

Must confess I've had my turn, too. The "identity" thing. Usually its only temporary.

For a while I became "my name: going-through-divorce person." Must have bored the p..ss out of everyone I knew.

Permanent situations such as "Edna's" are much more annoying. Friends are willing to put up with you for a little while. Once you become permanent, they start dropping away.

The usual culprits are religion and hypochondria. Are there any among us who haven't had to govern their friendships with those folks?

    Bookmark   August 23, 2010 at 8:23PM
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parent_of_one

well plenty of people complain about different situations yet do nothing about those situations. not only with bad marriage...

a colleague/friend of mine is morbidly obese and has health issues due to her weight, yet she eats at one meal as much as I eat in 2 days and does not exercise at all, she drinks a litter of regular pepsi a day and so on, she can't find a date because of her weight and her doctor told her she won't be able to ever have children with such weight. yet she does nothing about it. i think it is the same as complaining about bad marriage yet not getting out even when one can.

    Bookmark   August 27, 2010 at 9:42AM
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peanutmom

I also have a friend who lives with a man and even though he works loooong hours during the warm months and does his own small business on the side and has another small business he does during the cold winter months, she complains there is never enough money and that he never spends any time with her or their kids. I would have to say that he is stuck in a no win situation. After years of hearing her complain about all of this endlessly, his attitude began to change. He started avoiding her and the children and started getting tight with his money. I would have to say that she set herself up with a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Sometimes, you end up with what you ask for.

    Bookmark   August 28, 2010 at 5:59PM
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popi_gw

Why do Ednas behave the way they do ?

Why don't people take action, and just complain, what is holding them back ?

What is a good thing to encourage these people to change their ways, do you think ?

Lot of unhappy people around.

    Bookmark   September 1, 2010 at 7:29PM
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scarlett2001

Never underestimate the need of some people for attention. Edna got more satisfaction as a martyr than she would have happiness if she had taken steps to improve her life. I also think she got quite a few strokes from her church for staying in the marriage. Happiness in the next life and all that.

    Bookmark   September 2, 2010 at 1:20AM
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Meghane

I don't feel sorry for people who are miserable because of their own doing. If you are miserable, figure out why and change it. Or at least make a plan for change if change isn't possible right now; start socking away money to leave or whatever. But I really have no sympathy for Poor Edna. Serves her right, IMHO. And I won't listen to her or anyone else proclaim Poor Edna's martyrdom. So no, I don't know any Ednas.

    Bookmark   September 7, 2010 at 9:19PM
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