I normally hang out in the stepfamily forum but for once I have an issue that IS related to these walls and under this roof...
My husband's smoking is about to drive me insane. I don't mind smokers, I don't mind smoking, I don't mind that when I met my husband he was a 2 pack a day smoker.. why? I have no clue. He does not smoke in his vehicle, in our home, near our doors or windows or I'll flip a lid... he does not smoke with the kids around.. he simply goes out to the end of the drive way and smokes.. I'm actually OK with this. Recently, he carries his chair out with him... so redneck..
I smoke 'on occasion'. Month end at work usually triggers a few of us to go hang out by the smoker table in the afternoon.. a few drinks and I'm lighting up.. but in general, I don't smoke unless there is just a lot going on and I just feel like I want to. But I can go days, weeks, MONTHS without a smoke. I am not addicted. I sometimes "enjoy" a puff.. My husband on the other hand, cannot go an hour. It is driving me insane because I feel like all of a sudden going out and smoking and playing on his fancy iphone is priority and I feel like I just might explode!
I would NEVER tell him to quit.. I know that I can't "make" him quit but I would like for him to slow down.. or I would like for him to see that it's 915pm and for whatever reason I am having a hard time getting the kids in bed and that him sitting outside for 2 hours is enough! But he doesn't realize it. He will wonder where I am because he will go out and grab the chairs for us to sit outside to chat after I get the kids tucked in... time will pass and he will come looking for me.. "hey I thought you were going to come outside with me?" and I will say, well I was but I can't get the kids to lay down and I really needed to get the two loads of laundry folded and I had to unload the dishwasher in order to fill it back up. I just wanted to get these things done before I called it a "night" and sit outside for a couple of hours..
His response ALWAYS is.. "why didn't you tell me you needed help?" My thought is, if he had not been gone so long, he would have come back in and seen what I had going on inside.
BUT... if I go out there and say "HEY I want to come sit with you will you come help me get this stuff done?"
his answer is a grunt and a groan and an eye roll...
so I don't ask anymore.
OTHER than this, our relationship is great. We went to the movies tonight, had dinner with the kids.. The kids were awesome, we were all happy, he seemed happy, he is happy right now.. but he is out there SMOKING! and I just got my kids down (But literally, they are STILL awake).. I had to fold the clothes in the dryer because I am desperately trying to get the laundry done TONIGHT instead of having a ton to do tomorrow.. and he is outside.. playing on that stupid phone! and smoking!
I think I might have to go smoke TOO!
It just makes me so mad..
ANd today, he had a list of things HE wanted to do .. and they were important things like get his oil changed, get the car inspected, tires rotated.. etc..
But then he came home in the middle of some of his errands to "smoke" and he wasted so much time out there that he ended up not being able to get the car inspected because he sat too long.. smoking.. and they were closed when he finally decided to go.. Oh well so what does he do? He goes to his office and gets on the computer.. "to check the network at the office" but then I come in and he is playing Assassains Creed(sp?) and I said.. WHAT?? he says.. no Look, I am working, it's updating.. BUT I am playing too.. and he smiles.. he's so damn cute, yet so frustrating! AND he just walks in while I am typing this and wants to get all up in my business of "what are you doing?" well what in the hll have you been doing for the last hour? I folded clothes, did two more loads, I NOW can hear that one or both of the kids is beating on something that sounds like a drum... and NOT asleep! and I am on the computer, got a problem with it? If i am not on the computer, you would be, so is it that you want me to get back in that kitchen so you can "check the network" or is it you are just nosey..?? ugh!Why don't you just go smoke again and let me finish typing! UGH! ( i did not say ANY of that..LOLbut it felt so good to type it... LOL)
How in the world do I let him know that this is bothering me without 1. offending him 2. alienating him 3. making him feel like he is "bad" 4. making him smoke more?
I am not saying he has to quit smoking.. but I just want him to put our lives, our children, the house etc as a priority over sitting outside and smoking.. It's like before we can do anything or before he can move to the next "project' he has to have a smoke break.. why???
AND I really want to tell him, if he plans to continue to smoke like a freight train, then I am going to start getting my nails done again. I gave that up because we are trying to save and pay off debt so we can buy our OWN home... but he hasn't given up or cut back on smoking.. what gives?