I want a dog, he wants a divorce...

plantworkJuly 15, 2006

Hi everyone, first time here and I need to vent. My marriage has been up and down for the last few years. He has really changed a lot [ he used to be a Atheist, now a born again Christian and other equally opposite changes] while I've pretty much stayed the same.

A couple of days ago someone abandoned a puppy on our street. I took it in, fed it, called the shelter, but had it for 2 days and was falling in love with it. I've wanted a dog for a long time, my Husband knows this, but flat out told me he doesn't want a dog. The next day I come home to this sentence on a piece of paper 'I want a divorce'. I called him and he said it 'was a lot of things...'

Anyway the dog is at the shelter with the provision that if nobody adopts her I get notified to adopt her.

Right now the way I feel is I wish my husband was at the pound and the puppy was home with me.

thanks for listening...

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asolo

Too little to go on for meaningful opinion, except...........the "born again" thing would have been enough for me to pack his bags. Go with the dog. They just love you without quoting scripture. Few things in the world are more obnoxious than the recently-converted. If he's communing with God, why would he care what you have to say?

Run for your life would be my advice. Whether he's had an epiphany (sp?) or has simply gone nuts (is there a difference?) you're out. Gather your marbles and get out before the violence begins.

    Bookmark   July 15, 2006 at 10:11PM
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Vickey__MN

You seem to be at opposite ends of the spectrum, he's changed, you haven't (usually it's the other way around). If neither of you are willing to work on your marriage, then there is no hope, if you're willing to work on it, there may be hope.

Unlike the above poster, I don't know if the born-again aspect may or may not be the the reason for the changes, only you can know that in your marriage.

Vickey-Mn

    Bookmark   July 16, 2006 at 8:54AM
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petra_gw

Wow, his attitude toward you and the puppy is not very christian!! Maybe he should practice what he preaches.

    Bookmark   July 16, 2006 at 1:57PM
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Meghane

The question you should be asking yourself is that in 14 years when the dog is nearing the end of its life and you are divorced, will you miss the husband or get another dog?

    Bookmark   July 16, 2006 at 3:23PM
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popi_gw

I can understand him not wanting a dog, cause I would be the same. Dogs are not my cup of tea, its like having a child in the house.

I agree with Petra, he doesnt act like a Christian, saying he wants a divorce.

I guess you have to work out what you want to do, thats the first thing to do.

I am sorry for your sadness, you sound sad.

I wish you much clarity in working out what you want.

All the best
Popi

    Bookmark   July 18, 2006 at 3:50AM
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western_pa_luann

"Maybe he should practice what he preaches."
What exactly did he preach?

    Bookmark   July 18, 2006 at 2:34PM
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flowergazer

I think this has nothing to do with the dog only an excuse to get out of a marriage. I hate to be so blunt but he has been pretty blunt with you .Good Luck

    Bookmark   July 18, 2006 at 8:31PM
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carla35

Ok, I've never been around a born again Christian for along time, but I would take his religion change as somewhat positive, then again, if you're an athiest, I could see where there could be some problems ;-)

I feel bad that you want a dog so badly but I would never consider getting a pet without my husband agreeing to it. And, I would hope my husband would have the same respect for me. Granted, I don't know your husband's reasons for not wanting a dog, but there are many reasonable ones. It sounds like maybe there's something more missing in your life than just a dog.

I'm not really sure if he really wants a divorce and the dog thing was just the straw that broke the camel's back, or if he was just mad at you trying to control the situation without him and lashed out with the divorce to make sure you knew how seriously he did not want a dog.

Either way, although I know dogs are precious, I would advise against bringing one into your home at this time. Your marriage and trying to save it should come first. A dog would only complicate things.

I think you both probably have a lot to discuss. Hopefully everything will be ok and maybe you can come to some compromise about getting a pet or at least some understanding.

    Bookmark   July 18, 2006 at 11:52PM
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Susan_in_NC

Plantwork, I did not notice if you said you were an atheist or not. Do you attend services with DH? Does he attend a church? How active is he within that community? Is he involved on his own or is it something you do together?
If I was in your situation, and DH was involved in an organized church, I would get to know who was advising him and what they had to say. Some organized religions are very supportive of "mixed marriages" others believe that it would be better to "cut off" the non-believer. Find out what he is hearing!

As for the dog, well I never faced the problem you did. I had a dog when DH and I married, and he came with the package. More recently, I was 'ganged' up on by the family and we got another dog, but I do love him (but when he messes up I do tell him "I voted no dog!" ;)

Also, is there someone in DH's family that you can confide in? Do they have any insight about what DH is going through?

The born again thing generally goes hot and heavy during the first months of conversion, then unless it is fed with ultra religious zeal, it calms down to a working within our life faith. Not usually the negative some people associate with the exuberant push of fanatics (for any religion).

If in the end you find that his new church is encouraging the split, that family members are supporting his abandonment (move toward divorce) of the marriage, then go get the dog!

Susan

    Bookmark   July 19, 2006 at 8:37AM
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lindac

Life is too short to be in an unhappy and unsatisfying relationship.
Tell him by-by...agree to the divorce and in a couple of years you will find someone who is steady and of the real world. You say your marriage has been up and down for several years, the dog is just the excuse he seemed to need. Cut your losses and agree to the divorce, and go get that puppy back!
Linda C

    Bookmark   July 20, 2006 at 1:42PM
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rosewood42

Are you sure he is a christian? He sounds like he is born again but not by God, does he have horns? If he is such a born again christian the last thing that would come out his mouth is divorce. Tell him to read the part in the bible that says GOD hates divorce and that if you haven't committed adultery he shouldn't be leaving pieces of paper saying he wants a divorce. Also tell him to be a man and stop leaving messages on paper and open up his manly mouth and tell you what he feels. He sounds like a coward to me hiding behind religion. I say adopt the 4 legged doggie and get rid of the two legged one that leaves you messages on paper.

    Bookmark   August 5, 2006 at 5:58AM
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carla35

Not all Christian religions totally frown upon divorce. Some realize there are situations (like serious abuse) in which women (or men) and children must leave. I would never think to judge a divorced person negatively (even if adultery wasn't involved) or think God has condemend them for getting a divorce.... that would be the unChristian thing, IMHO.

Of course, it is always good to try to work out a marriage, but who really knows what is going on in many marriages.

    Bookmark   August 6, 2006 at 1:24AM
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icspotz

From the information you gave, this has nothing to do with the dog.

Overall, it would seem his intention on getting a divorce has been brewing for a while. Also, the fact that this husband sees leaving a one-sentence note saying he wants out of the marriage as a valid form of marital communication gives a good indication that he's already checked out emotionally and that he has the maturity of a child.

I think you'd be better off with the dog.color>

    Bookmark   August 6, 2006 at 7:06PM
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bill_h

have you considered a cat???

    Bookmark   September 2, 2006 at 7:04PM
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marge727

Forget the dog excuse--when you want a divorce any reason is a good reason. Thats why most states don't leave a big space on the divorce papers for the reason. they just have a few choices and you check one.
If he has had big changes--lost weight, refinanced the house, got a new car and contact lenses in addition to spending lots of time out of the house at prayer meetings I think he is also considering acquiring man's best friend--
a girlfriend.

    Bookmark   October 10, 2006 at 6:41PM
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bill_h

in the long run, he will be much better off with the dog, wont cost nearly as much as the girlfriend.

    Bookmark   October 15, 2006 at 7:47PM
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gw:mrs_micki

The dog will be by your side no matter what life has to give you. The dog will always be there to lick away your tears when crying from being sad.From my experience with my mom converting to (born again christian) I think he( husband) is going thru what they call the changes. It's where they tell you to think about all the things in life that have kept you back from being who you really think you should be or where you want to be.My mom went from the catholic church to baptist to penicostil and as fAR AS i'm concerned they all are a form of cult.Least of them being the catholic but thats just MPO

    Bookmark   October 17, 2006 at 10:57AM
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amyfiddler

Hu?
People, people. The only thing we know about this guy is that he is born again, and that he has made "changes" - and that he is unhappy in his relationship. Not big on born agains myself, but it's not like they sacrifice goats or anything. Sheesh. They're just annoying, that's all.

How in the world do we assume that the poster fault free, and worthy only of an animal for a partner?

More info would be needed to push this OP towards a divorce, in my opinion. Good grief. For all we know, the guy is treated poorly and has turned to a church for peace. We just don't know! Divorce isn't a pat answer for anyone and everyone who is dissatisfied. Marriages aren't meant to be disposable - you have problems, you do what you can to adjust and make your marriage the best! Life IS too short to go running door to door for happiness. Let's get more info before prescribing society's quick fix divorce. Perhaps more info would support divorce, but nothing I see here suggests that at this point.

    Bookmark   December 16, 2006 at 9:29PM
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coolmama

Some christian! The Christian thing to do would be to take the poor abandoned puppy in that is one of GOD's creatures! Geez,maybe GOD sent this poor lost soul to this christian for help.
I agree you should go with the puppy.This guy sounds too "extreme" anyways.One minute he's this,the next he's that.The puppy will be more stable then he is.

    Bookmark   December 28, 2006 at 1:30AM
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