second marriages

mom2emallJuly 29, 2007

I am new to this forum. I have been with my husband about 2 years. We were both married before, his was longer than mine. My ex and I had been apart almost 7 years before I met my husband now. After about a year apart my ex and I became friends. I dated many men after him, but we stayed friends and occasionally took our child places together and threw birthday parties for our child together. When my husband and I started getting serious I stopped the outings with my ex and our child, as well as the combined b-day parties out of respect for my husband.

His ex and him had been apart about a year when we met. She was constantly asking him for money, even though he had custody of the kids and she did not pay support. She even had the nerve to ask him if she could move in with us right after we moved in together, she claimed her boyfriend (who she left him for after 10 years of marriage) was abusive to her and she had nowhere else to go. He told her yes, and when he told me about it I said that if she moved in then I moved out and he could say good-bye to me. Shortly after that she found out she was pregnant by her bf and I never heard another word about her moving in. (I am not sure if my hubby told her no, or she just decided against the idea)

Anyways, everytime my husband and I argue about anything lately he brings up my ex! We could be disagreeing about something that has noting to do with my child or ex and somehow he manages to change the topic and focus on my ex. He seems so jealous of him and complains about things like my ex signing up my child for sports. My ex has always done most of the driving for his visitation with our child and lately he has had some car trouble so I have offered to help with the driving. My husband also has gotton mad about that as well as other minor issues.

I am getting tired of my husband trying to fight with me about my ex. It gets to the point where I start complaining about his ex to get him to stop. It is getting ridiculous. I have come out and asked him if he is jealous of my ex, but he says he feels like my ex has some "power" over me and that I just do what he wants. I do not feel that way, nothing that my ex asks for is unreasonable, if it was I would not go along with it.

My husband does not complain about any other male I know, even male friends that I have. So, I know that this is not some control issue. Do you think that this all stems from his ex cheating on him with numerous men before leaving him for another man? Has anyone gone through anything similar? Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this?

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I am not married (divorced) so i am not an expert but I wonder:

Jealousy is pretty much insecurity. I know that i feel jelous when i feel anxious or insecure about my partner. maybe that's how your husband feels.

Explain to your husband that he is the only one for you, you love only him etc And the only reason you maintain civil contact with your ex is just for the sake of the kids.

    Bookmark   July 29, 2007 at 9:27PM
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