Sexless marriage

mwinchesterJuly 9, 2012

I'm new in this forum. I'm sure all of you get bored with this topic already.

I don't know what to do and I need some advises or suggestions.. I've been married for 13 years and had only one sexual intercourse with my husband. My husband told me that he was organically impotent. I didn't even know he has this problem before we got married. I feel like he lied to me from the begining and didn't give me any chance to say yes or no. I asked him to go to marriage counselor and doctor. He refused and after I asked many times, he finally went to the doctor and doctor have him solutions but he never use or did what the doctor said.

I'm getting sick and tired for asking him help many times. I get this anger towards him and feel like I'm the only one who involve in this marriage. He seems pretty content with him self. Another things weird about this, if he don't feel like to have sex with me, why on earth he was visiting porn site? Really?! I knew this accidentaly when I used his computer to search for something and I ended up finding all these porn site. I've been faithfull with him until a few years ago. I thought enough is enough.

I'm working as a police officer in one city here and I have an affair with one of my co worker. I thought about this very carefuly. I don't want a man who ended up black mailing me or ended up falling in love with each other. That's why I choose my co worker. He has the same idea with me. He doesn't want to remarried just to have someone to sleep with. I just need some connections but all of these was fake but yet I'm still doing it. I feel guilty after I'm doing it but my anger is the reason for me to keep doing this. Am I wrong?

I've help people with their problem and help them fixed theirs. I can't even fixed my own. I don't know what to do. I'm thinking of divorcing him but I still care about him. I don't know whether I still love him or not. I'm defenetely not in love with him. I just wish he is gay so we can move on but he told me he was not gay. I still do wish him to be gay tho!

I'm so confused right now.

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colleenoz

All I can say is if it's a big issue for you and no children are involved (as they obviously aren't) then I don't understand why you don't just make a clean break and move on. Clearly your husband isn't going to change anything.

    Bookmark   July 10, 2012 at 12:35AM
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nancylouise_gw

Have to agree with colleenoz. There is no reason for you to stay in this "marriage". Your husband doesn't love you enough to get help for whatever is ailing him. He is content the way things are. Stop wasting your time and love on someone that doesn't care. Start moving forward and on to a new life. NancyLouise

    Bookmark   July 10, 2012 at 7:13AM
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mwinchester

The reason I stay is financial.

    Bookmark   July 10, 2012 at 7:23AM
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mwinchester

The one thing he mentioned before when we fought, " I will not blame you if you are looking out there" How could he say such a thing and out of anger I did.

    Bookmark   July 10, 2012 at 7:54AM
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mkroopy

My favorite radio talk show psychologist always asks people who call in to complain about their spouses' behaviors "if you won the lottery tomorrow, would you stay or go?"

To the people (most of them) that say "go", she tells that money is NO reason to be miserable and that they must start to come up with a plan on how they will be able to support themselves....which is what I would say to you.

Although I must say, if you have no kids, and are working as a police officer, then surely you can support yourself to a reasonable level. If, however, you are staying with this dude so you can live at an "elevated" lifestyle, nice cars, vacations, etc.....well you get no sympathy from me, that's just gold-digging....and quite honestly, combine that with the fact that you are cheating on him, well you deserve to be unhappy. I'm sorry to be so harsh but my ex-wife cheated on me twice, I have ZERO respect for cheats.

    Bookmark   July 10, 2012 at 9:09AM
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nancylouise_gw

Where I'm from Police Officers make enough money to stand on their own. It may be a 1 bdrm apartment and a car years old but they live quite nicely. If you want it badly enough you will do it. Start today and check out apartments and how much they cost monthly, used cars(if you don't already have one), insurance,etc. I'm sure you will see it can be done. NancyLouise

    Bookmark   July 10, 2012 at 10:43AM
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colleenoz

Well, if the reason you stay is financial I'm with mkroopy on this one, you deserve your unhappiness. And you know what? You're unhappy mainly because deep down you _know_ that cheating is wrong.
Your husband may say he "will not blame you" but it's still breaking the vows you made when you married. I would struggle knowing myself as someone who does not keep her word.

    Bookmark   July 10, 2012 at 11:29AM
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popi_gw

Why do people get married ?

To spend their lives together, supporting each other through whatever life throws at you. To have children.

What you describe doesn't sound like a marriage, why do you keep living together ? Why did you get married in the first place ?

    Bookmark   July 10, 2012 at 11:06PM
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