Need advice/help for a crumbling marriage!
Hello! This is my first time, so sorry if I can be unclear.
My wife and I have been together for nearly a decade. I'm 29, she's 28. We have two kids (daughter 2 1/2, son 6) and my family means the world to me. As a family, we have a great relationship. As a couple, we've been gradually drifting apart from each other for about the past 2 1/2 years. Keep in mind that I can get lazy at times and be somewhat manic depressive, but not at all too much to handle. She suffers from depression and anxiety, and she sometimes can lash out (emotionally and verbally).
In the beginning, life was great. We were a couple that had everything going for us. School, work, money, friends, trust, intimacy, and we both have supportive families. After 2 years of being together, we had a son. Things were still fine and dandy. We enjoyed each others company and our son just enhanced our fun. We got married at about 4 1/2 years and everything was still great (think American dream).
We decided to have another child while we were still young, so on the 6th year, we had a baby girl. Best little princess ever. But there were complications after she gave birth. She hemoraged and was quite literally a thread away from death. Her body was able to beat it though thank god, but her mental health became horribly unstable (and I don't blame her).
I tried to be as supportive as possible and I did all the house chores, kids going to school/daycare, finances, and emotional support. I did this for nearly a year, but I started feeling like a single father. She no longer wanted to be touched (and by touched, I don't mean intimacy, I mean literally not wanting to be touched), no longer wanted to talk to me, borderline didn't care how I felt, and didn't care about my short list of needs. It felt like I had a roomate.
I felt like she just didn't want me anymore and that she could do better. So after another 1/2 year of counseling and therapy, we decided to break it off. I wanted to go because I though I wasn't enough for her, and she wanted to go because she felt I was asking for too much. But about two months later, we wanted to give it another shot, so we did and that's why I'm here.
I'm trying to fix the trust that was broken. I feel like that is slowly being mended, but I know it will take more time. In the meantime, she wants zero intimacy with me (that goes from hugging, to kissing, to sex). She said she had no sexual drive, but I catch her "playing" at least twice a week. I never minded that, but if she has no sexual drive, then why does she do it?
A couple of weeks ago she went out with some friends (couple guys), and she came home that night and I wanted to have some fun. She kind of just shooed me away and went to bed. I woke up that night to her calling out one of the guys' names and she starting "playing" again, but she did this unknowingly. I talked to her about it, and she said she doesn't have feelings like that for him. I'm unusally jealous about this situation because - 1. We haven't been intimite for months and 2. She's thinking about other guys. I know it's just a dream, but it makes me completely confused about what she's feeling (she doesn't want to talk about how she feels, so I'm left to speculate).
I love her very much, and I don't want to give up. But sometimes I feel like I keep getting pushed to the edge and it almost makes me feel like she wants me to give up.
If I left anything out, I'll be sure to post some replies. Thanks for reading my long rant!