Friends' Marriage andi'm totally ticked off!
I'm new in this forum and though i do have personal problems with my marriage ( we have our ups and downs) my friends marriage has just put a strain on ours. Mostly me!
She is 37 yrs old. Married my cousin 10 years ago. I brought her down on vacation to his place one summer and they hit it off.
Well, these last few years its been really bad for them from screaming, ignoring one another you name it! Thank God they do no have kids and when i spoke to my cousin about that topic he would say' she can barely take care of herself how the F will she take care of a child! And i thought, oh he's just a selfish , selfcentered person. Granted he is a difficult person. i wont sugar coat my cousin at all. And at times i would describe him as mentally abusive. Cause in his eyes hes always right and everyone is stupid and wrong. and doesn't have a life.
Ok. back to her. 37, no kids, stayed with mom until 27 , would work, give all money to mom. Then my cousin came along and basically took care of her. He tried to teach her to be responsible, independant. He even tried to get to go back to school andhe would pay for it. She refused.
He's complained in the past that she's
2. non motivated whatsoever
3. has to be told to do things
4. if she does clean, doesn't do it right. ( i mean, the dishes are washed and when you go to put them away they are slimey!)
5. she always sleeps.
6. does nothing other than watch tv after work and doesn't want to do any activity
Sorry this is long! Fast forward to two months prior. Cousin was fed up with her in a nut shell and started to ignore her. He didnt' speak to her for 2 months. She slept on the couch in her home for 6 weeks. Because he toldher to. He told her from now on they do things separately.
I planned a trip to toronto with my husband andson. She asked to come along because she was seeking marriage advice from my brother whos a priest. The drive went well, friday morning her husband calls my sisterinlaws house and is screaming like an animal. She hangs up on him. He phones back and my sisterin law cant'find my friend so she passes the phone to me. I get yelled at and get blamed for bringing his wife to toronto. He threatens that if she is not back by 5 pm that he will throw her out and change the locks! He said i'm being held responsible.
I'm enraged by now. I can't believe that this man would hold me responsible for his 37 year old wife's decision to come to toronto.
She didnt' tell him she was going to toronto. He found out through his parents. (by the way, his fahter just came out of abdomenal surgery and he has to listen to this sons rants and raves!)
Well we got back home sunday and sure enough the locks were changed and the bags were packed. She stayed at my place for almost 2 weeks. My husband and i gave her advice and basically toldher that she's been abused and doens't even realize it.
Anyways....she went back to him tonight, practically ranout the door! And guess who he is angery with? ME! I have become the scapegoat .
Which i told her off before she left and made it very clear to her that i've realized what she has done. She bascially twisted things and used me as an scapegoat and i'm so pist off tonight and i'm so disgusted with both of them! I just had to vent.
Can anyone tell me...is this normal? i help her out and when she's out on her *SS and then she turns to bite the hand that feeds and my cousin who should know better is royally pist off at me when i'm not responsible for his wife's actions?!!! What the hell?
He didn't speak to her for 2 montsh, made her sleep on the couch for 6 weeks and he's pist that she left and i get the blame for this? And he's pist off that i should have told him that she was gooing to toronto????
Is this normal?
oh yah, everything he described, was right! she has to be the most nonmotivated person, lazy,i've ever seen! the dishes were disgusting when she tried to wash them. She never cooked and never wanted to learn how! and she was given my SD bedroom and she preferred the couch instead. She's a teenager in a nutshell that doesn't want to grow up, she wants someone to tell her waht to do and take care of her!