need advice: please help now!!!
Hey everybody, I need your advice. Please give me your honest opinion. My fiance and I just got engaged in January and I have a mom that is very negative and her whole life was always to appease other people rather than be a mom to me. This is fine because it is the way she is and for this reason she has never been a big part of my life.
So after the engagement naturally I am very excited and I would like to include her in this because it is a big deal. Within the first 3 minutes of the first conversation of the start to planning the wedding, she can sense that I am happy and she is alone so she turns the focus from "Why isn't your cousin your best man?" and then turns that to how she is extremely disappointed in me and it makes her sad. This then turns into a very negative somber state.
Two weeks after the engagement and a month and a half after she found out I was going to propose, she decides to move to San Francisco from her paid off home 20 miles away and takes out a $3,500 a month rent the moment we get engaged. Randomly whenever we speak, you can hear it in her voice that she is way more excited about her apartment than her son getting married (tonality does not lie).
My fiance comes from a very traditional family and in her family weddings and marriage are a very big deal. My mom has been divorced for 30 years and is very unhappy in life. My fiance's parents believe in the tradition of through big elaborate weddings for their children because in their family it is a once in a lifetime moment. As soon as my mother found out it was going to be an expensive affair, she instantly criticizes the notion of spending so much money on a wedding and suggests we get married a court house.
My fiance's parents offered to pay for the entire wedding and the were only hoping my mom would host (pay) for the rehearsal dinner because this is traditional. It was an absolute battle to get her to agree to host the dinner. Her and my fiance got in a big fight about it and when she realized that she would lose me because I am getting married, she calculated her return of investment and offered to pay for the rehearsal dinner. This was roughly 2 and half months ago.
Since that time,I have been reminded that it costs $2,500 on at least a biweekly basis. (Guilt trip - What is the point of doing something kind, if you are just going to rub it in somebody's face about doing it?).
We sent out wedding invitations at $65 a piece. 10 people on her list she knew would not go. 10 x $65 = $650. None of these people had the common curiosity to even respond with a regretful no on their RSVP. In addition, not one of these people sent a gift! (Am I crazy for thinking this is wrong?)
The cousin that my mom told me that she was disappointed that he was not my best man that started all these problems, there family is not even coming. They were also the only family to not call, text, facebook ANYTHING to congratulate me nor apologize for not being able to come. Then 2 days ago, the cousin calls me (who I knew when I was 10) and says he is coming to a football down in San Diego in September and that his mom and dad said he should stay with me. So he can come down for a football game, but not for my wedding. Is it just me or is this extremely rude on his parents' behalf?
During my fiance's bridal shower, my mom decides to pull her dress down under her shoulder and kick her leg up and act like she is 20 years old desperately seeking attention in front of my future mother-in-law and her relatives. Is this a mature way to act for a 58 year old woman? In addition, when her and my mother-in-law (who is Catholic) where texting back and forth, my mother-in-law shows a picture of her dress and my mom responds with "just the right amount of sexy" to a married mother of four. Am I crazy or is she stupid?
Can somebody give me feedback, is she acting in an inappropriate way or the way a mother should?