what else can I do?
My wife is threatening divorse perhaps once a week and snaps at me several times a day. I would be glad to hear some opinions and advice for this situation.
About myself. I am educated, 34 yo, in good physical shape. I make about $130K per year. Could be quite a bit more, but family life takes so much time, I cannot pull things together better so far. I will probably reach $200K a year in three to four years. I am a quiet type, I have no hobbies. If I have any free minute, I like working (which means sitting in front of computer). The rest of the time goes into cooking and being with the family.
About my wife. She is 34 yo, I put her through school towards Bachelor's degree. Afterwards, she worked part-time a little, making about $20K a year. She stopped working years ago, my attitude towards this: do whatever you like. She tried a variety of artistic things, and then became a mom.
We have a one-year-old child. Healthy, adorable, very active.
Every day is a day of hysterics, cries, and complaints from my wife. Actually, I am so used to it, it dos not bother me that much, I just put up with it, but I am starting to be worried about her. She seems so unhappy. So much pain in her life. I don't really see a solution to alleviate her pain.
Her main complaint: she is overworked. Notice that she does not have a job and has a very helpful live-in mother (hers), who also does not work at any job. They both basically take care of the house and the child. I always cook for all (except the baby), and I am a good cook. I don't do dishes though (more on that later). When I am on a business trip, they live on sandwiches. They clean the house. The cleaning takes many hours every week. I tried to get them to hire professional cleaners, but they are (a) stingy, (b) not satisfied with outside cleaners because they are not good enough. They fired three consecutive cleaning services and put this issue to rest.
So, this is a frequent hysteric complaint from my wife: "I am slaving away, taking care of the child and the house, and I cannot take it anymore. You are a pig, selfish, and lazy." Her main problem with me is that I do not want to clean, especially to wash the floors, sink surfaces, and such. I am not allowed to do dishes. There are several soaps and five colors of brushes and three colors of wet rugs for different kinds of dishes, and when I use them, I use wrong colors and I am not thorough enough reaching in the little crevices. So, I am usually just swooshed away with a curse of being so inept.
I offer her to hire help instead, and the argument goes in circles. She says we do not have the money to afford cleaning help. It is sort of true. She buys a lot of furniture, and constantly changes carpets, bathrooms, porch, floors. These projects eat up a lot, everything must be top quality. No IKEA furniture in our house :). Plus the mortgage, of course. We started from scratch.
Taking care of the child on the top of cleaning is just killing her. She wants to clean, but there is this crying child. I can take care of him two to three hours a day, the rest I expect to be shared between her and her mother. This limit of my time is met with a lot of resentment, hatred, and complaints.
Before we had a child, it was the same kind of relationship, but complaints were less frequent. I brought her to many trips to exotic countries, and that would mellow out the complains. Now, because of the child, she does not get to travel. It is clear that we will never have a second child, this one is just killing our schedule and our marriage. I doubt, however, we can go on much longer even with one child. Sometimes I wonder how she will manage if she indeed divorces me...
Well... I will be happy to see the replies, and I will gladly answer to additional questions as needed...