help how do I 'spice' up our love life

maggiemaieJune 27, 2012

My husband of 26 years really has no interest in me anymore we have 3 children and got married when we were 18 and 19.

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Is his "disinterest" unique to you or does he seem kind of bored with everything these days?

Was your sexual interaction good before? How long ago was "before"?

Is he actually disinterested (head trouble) or is he unable to perform (body trouble)?

Is he concerned about this or are you the only one concerned?

Early forties pretty young to lose ALL interest....if that's what you're saying.

    Bookmark   June 28, 2012 at 9:03AM
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Please, get him to the dr. for a complete physical. At his age, there could be medical reasons why he's unable to perform (and since no guy is going to admit that, they feign disinterest). Some of the medical causes can be serious like prostate cancer. Others can be things like a side effect of drugs he's taking for something else. But he needs to be thoroughly checked over, before you start worrying about spicing up things in the bedroom.

Get him a clean bill of physical health first. Then make sure there isn't anything phychological/emotional going on (like depression). Then it will be time to start working on the spice.

Look, I lost my dad way too early to prostate cancer--he had to have it in his mid/late 40's, BUT he ignored things until it was way too late for him. That was 30 years ago. Today, there are much better treatments for the disease--and found early it's rarely a death sentence these days. You obviously love him, so make it your business to encourage him to be checked every year so you can have him around for a good long time.

Of course, it is nature's cruel joke that we turn into sexual maniacs when our hormones go out of whack in our 40's, just at the time when men's bodies are slowing down. Doesn't seem fair, does it?

    Bookmark   June 29, 2012 at 6:07PM
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I agree with the above responses to your post. Your husband may be going through "manopause". Bloodwork can test his hormone levels, as well as other things. Counseling is always a great option, and even if he refuses to go, it sounds like you need it because of your distress over your marriage. It doesn't hurt to ask your husband if the cause of his disinterest is emotional. Perhaps he is suffering from depression. Maybe he would be willing to share his feelings if you showed him a lot of compassion and support. He is obviously suffering in some way. When he does share anything, just say "Thankyou for telling me," and do not punish him in any way, but keep giving him a lot of positive, caring attention. Perhaps he will warm up. Sometimes spouses don't share personal info until they feel it's "safe". Give him time, and take good care of yourself until you two can figure it out.

    Bookmark   November 2, 2012 at 3:42PM
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