Wife going to bars without me often
We have been together for 2 years, married last March. She is 8 years my senior. We have 2 12 yr old girls. In the beginning of our relationship we didn't go to bars too much. Once she moved in we started going to karaoke at a local bar once a week. It steadily increased to sometimes 3 times a week (different local bars). I have always tried to keep it to 1, occasionally 2. I think we should be home more with our kids/family. These bar outings are during the week.
We have developed a set of friends at these bars including the KJ. It usually takes 10 minutes upon arrival to say hello to everyone and we love that. She and I are both outgoing and everyone likes to be liked - no worries.
She and I have fought over going out, me wanting us to stay in. We have also had jealousy/insecurity issues on both sides, a little more on my side and I can admint that. She is one of those people that all them men are drawn to. We have had issues at bars over her engaging men - she often works at making prolonged eye contact. I trust her and do not think she has evil intentions but it still isn't pleasant. I think it makes her feel good to make that connection and know she could "have it".
We have developed a friendship with another married couple. I love them but in some ways I feel they are caustic to our relationship. The wife is bi-sexual, and the husband is a womanizer that cheats, a lot. They have a lot of 3-somes as well. It is a very disfunctional relationship. They are also mixed up in chenicals that I am trying to avoid, as are much of the set of friends we have developed at these bars.
I just took a great job that will have me travelling a fair bit (2-4 day trips during week). I tried to sit down with her and set some boundaries. I do not intend to go out to bars alone while on the road - she would not like that at all. I also asked her to limit her outings to once a week (I really wish it were even less) for a few reasons: 1 we have 2 children at home that go to school in the morning. 2 many men believe there is only one reason a woman goes to a bar without her SO. 3 partying in a bar without your SO is risking a compromising situation.
She and I do have trust issues. Both from previous relationships (her 3rd marriage, my 2nd) and from each other. I have caught her lying (even swearing to God about it). This really impacted trust. Her lie involved a man although I don't feel it was cheating related. Regardless, if she would lie about that... There have been other lies too and I have been informed by some who have known her 10+ years that she is a habitual lier. That is others opinion - not mine. I trust her at the core and I am working on rebuilding complete trust. I haven't lied directly to her but have broken a promise and also been slow telling her something important so I deserve to have to rebuild trust with her too.
We also will often have a set of friends over until early in the morning, partying. I asked her to limit that to when we are both here. I don't like the idea of her here drinking & possibly doing drugs with a group of people until wee hours of the am without me.
She was very controlled in a past relationship and has swinged too far to the other side - if I try to communicate to her about something that makes me uncomfortable and she gets angry and yells about me trying to control her.
I know this is only one side but I have tried to be as objective as possible. I welcome your thoughts. Thanks!