'People deserve whatever they are willing to put up with'

scarlett2001June 11, 2010

This nugget was said to me by my friend, a philosopher disguised as a mail carrier. We were talking about work but I think it applies well to marriage and relationships. Your opinion?

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asolo

"Deserve" is the most over-used word in the language, IMHO. The various -- and numerous -- ads using it are incredibly annoying. Predictable follow-on to whole self-esteem thing they've been shoving down our throats for a couple of decades, now.

    Bookmark   June 11, 2010 at 8:04PM
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popi_gw

I would agree with that statement.

I guess you "deserve" it because you don't do something to change it.

I have met lots of people who complain about their situations, but they are not really prepared to do the changes necessary to make their situation better.

    Bookmark   June 12, 2010 at 8:47PM
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scarlett2001

"I have met lots of people who complain about their situations, but they are not really prepared to do the changes necessary to make their situation better."

Spot on, Popi!

I think we see that here all the time, and I have to be honest and include myself in that category. It's like the old joke where the wanna-be actor is complaining how hard life is on the stage and somebody says why not choose a different profession, and he says "WHAT! And leave show business??!"

    Bookmark   June 13, 2010 at 12:40AM
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finedreams

i have to agree in a way, sometimes i read things here all the time that sound just crazy, people stay in marriages that sound like a nightmare to me, but then I think well i put with some stuff that i shouldn't.

when it comes to work situation i disagree though, it doesn't apply here. i would put up with a lot of stuff because i have to pay my bills, and there are no other jobs in the area. i love my job but have to put up with a lot as probably everyone else.

with a relationship/marriage one does not need to be married, people can survive single. cannot live without job though.

    Bookmark   June 13, 2010 at 10:06AM
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sweeby

If you were to re-word that slightly to the following, I'd agree completely.

People predictably get whatever they are willing to put up with.

    Bookmark   June 13, 2010 at 4:09PM
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scarlett2001

I'll go with that revision. "Deserve" can be kind of a hot-button word.

And yet... aren't we told how you have to compromise and be patient in marriage? How you are supposed to give 110% and always put the best interests of the beloved before your own? "Love is patient, love is kind, etc. etc." from Corinthians is used very often in the marriage ceremony. I know it was in mine. So is that a recipe for disappointment?

    Bookmark   June 14, 2010 at 3:56AM
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sweeby

"So is that a recipe for disappointment?"

Not if your spouse does it also --
If only one of you always gives and the other always takes,
then yes, it's a recipe for more than just disappointment.

    Bookmark   June 14, 2010 at 12:29PM
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amyfiddler

I prefer the quote : "You teach people how to treat you."

    Bookmark   June 14, 2010 at 3:37PM
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azzalea

As soon as I read your post, I had an image pop into my head. One of an abused woman, with no resources, who has no way of getting out of a bad marriage. Does she DESERVE to be used as a punching bag, simply because she has no place else to go? I don't think so.

Then there is the job situation someone referenced. In this economy, employers know that options are few and far between. Do the hardworking people trying to support their families DESERVE to take pay cuts or wage freezes? Certainly not all of them deserve that, but they have no other choices these days.

Does anyone deserve to have health issues? because they don't have the funds for treatment?

No, can't agree with that statement. The revision is certainly a little more realistic, but so often personal choice doesn't enter into the circumstances in which we find ourselves. The word deserve, though, is giving me real problems

    Bookmark   June 15, 2010 at 4:22PM
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finedreams

"Then there is the job situation someone referenced. In this economy, employers know that options are few and far between. Do the hardworking people trying to support their families DESERVE to take pay cuts or wage freezes? Certainly not all of them deserve that, but they have no other choices these days."

exactly, I so agree. we have to take wage freeze and then pay cut, does it mean all of us deserve it? seriously now? every one of us deserves pay cut? and if we don't want to put up with it, what are the options? quit? really? and go where? I think only people who do not have to support themselves would have such naive thoughts.

    Bookmark   June 15, 2010 at 7:52PM
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popi_gw

Perhaps "deserve" is a bit harsh. How about

"People accept whatever they are willing to put up with".

    Bookmark   June 15, 2010 at 7:54PM
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asolo

Suggest looking up "redundant".

I think this one has been flogged sufficiently.

    Bookmark   June 15, 2010 at 10:31PM
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scarlett2001

You're so CUTE when you're crabby.

    Bookmark   June 17, 2010 at 12:42AM
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hitmark

Well, I think he is really serious about your. What do you think about him?

    Bookmark   August 5, 2010 at 3:24AM
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