Is it me or her !!
We have been married for 20 years now, and have wonderful sons. We were both in relationships before we got married, my relationship was on its last legs, and she was engaged to someone who she was ready to give up to be with me. We got married, and had our first child in the first year of marriage. Things were rough during the first few years, and the situations we went through only made us stronger - she always stood by me, and i by her...although we never really talked much about our feelings. We were working hard to survive and provide for our child. Our sex-life was almost non - existant and it caused me a lot of pain. She was quite cold and non-interested in any physical contact. This would outrage me, and would only distant her more. As much as I would try and talk, we would always end up arguing, and made the situation worse than it was..that would lead to the dog house for me again..we have gone years with out any warmth and physical contact. By this time my career had taken off and she was doing well in her job too. We were independent and communicated less and less. During the time my first son turned 5 years old, I had made up my mind that this was not a marriage that I wanted to be living in for the rest of my life - and told her that we should not have any more kids.My plan was to gradually get down to a seperation. She however felt other wise, and when we were away together on holiday she got pregnant with our second child. I was again, needless to say - "somewhat pissed off" ! We carried on the way we were and our second son was born..I kept hoping that things would improve between us, but nothing of that happened, the communication only went from bad to worse. We have helped out her family quite a bit, and she has always been the kind of person to help others - i really find this wonderful, however not at the expense of not addressing issues between us..she always seems to find, something else to do...more important that our situation.
Over the last 2 years it has gotten unbareable, with a lot of nonsense on facebook, that again took priority over any form of communication between us. When ever i think of leaving, i think of my kids and just stay put. It has now reached a point where I believe i deserve some happiness of my own. The ability to communicate for both of us, with each other is impossible - i am unable to function at all and it taking a toll on my business. I am not sure what to do, we have tried a couple of sessions of counsling - but this didnt help much...as much as i come from an upbringing that thought us marriage is sacred and forever..i am just so drained and tired, some peace of mind would be welcome. My only concern is for my kids..the youngest is 11 years old.