husband being an insensitive a** (long)
My husband and I have been married for 2 1/2 years. I have 2 children from a previous marriage. He has 1. We have one daughter together and one on the way. We had our daughter together before we got married. The first time we were going to get married, I found out from his ex that he was texting her and asking her to have sex with him. He gave me a complete BS story and even though he has admitted since then that it wasn't the whole truth, he has never admitted the whole truth. He just refuses to deal with anything that is even remotely his fault.
We have had issues with his daughter, good kid, but a more than a bit spoiled, who lives primarily with her mother. We have had issues with him inability to be nice or even handed with my son. My daughter is grown, living on her own, and has a baby. He is great with our daughter most of the time, other than a lack of help with her. He works long hours during the time of year when he is able to work. (landscaping) We have a daughter on the way, whom he refuses to accept will be a daughter. The ultrasound was very clear. We have had issues with him starting projects around the house and not finishing anything. He will get it to the point where we can use whatever room he is working on and that is where it stays.
Now to the current problem. I am expecting our next daughter in October. I have had complications with all of my pregnancies to one extent or another. Some of them much worse than others. I have had back surgery and that is causing some of the problems with my current pregnancy. I have a pinched nerve and (unrelated to back problems) severe varicose veins in my one leg. The varicose veins are very sore and make it difficult for me to do anything. I have had 2 visits to er's and 3 visits to other doctors and many, many visits to the chiropractor trying to deal with the problems.
My husband is a huge wimp when he is in pain, but when he isn't the one feeling it- it doesn't exist. He just cannot accept that I am in pain that makes it difficult for me to even sit down. Most of the time, I have to stand and pace or lay down and even then I am in some pain. I finally got a doctor to prescribe me some pain medication because I was only sleeping 2-3 hours a night. Now that I am on the meds, which I have to take to function, my husband acts as though the pain shouldn't be there at all and that I am supposed to be perfectly normal and act like it is all gone. It never completely goes away, but it does phase out for short periods.
I am furious because when we go somewhere, riding in a vehicle is the worst thing to make me hurt, he acts as though I am not allowed to be in pain because it is inconvenient for him. He gets mad when I ask him to get what he needs/ wants from the store so we can leave. He gets irritated when I tell him I am ready to go home because the pain medication is wearing off and I am hurting. (I usually take just enough along to do for the visit we are expecting.) I am not supposed to get irritated when he decides to take the long, bumpy way home. He gets mad that I don't like to visit with anyone for more than a couple of hours and I am not supposed to go anywhere when he isn't home, because if I do then that is showing him that I am not in "real" pain and that I am making excuses to not go anywhere with him. Hello! I have dr appt's and I did go see a friend who lives pretty close to us twice because she just moved with her new husband from Florida and I haven't seen her in 3 years.
WTF! Is it too much to ask for him to try to understand that I am only human and can only take so much? That I can't deal with his rolling his eyes at me and smirking when I tell him I am in pain? I try to be reasonable and do everything I can on my own, but it hurts so much sometimes to just bend over to pick something up that I have the nerve to ask him to take a load of laundry from the washer and put it in the dryer. He will wait until I have gotten disgusted(hours later) and asked my son to do it or done it myself (causing more pain) to tell me that he would have gotten to it eventually. God help me, I am ready to throw him out. I can't take much more of his insensitive behavior.
Any advice? I am getting desperate.