I'm so unhappy with my marriage/life...need advice.
I've been with my husband for 11 years and married for the last 4 years. During the first year of our marriage we had moved to another city. With a different atmosphere and different pressures with new jobs we drifted so far apart. He became so occupied with new friends, spending almost every evening gone out with them, i felt deserted. Spending all my time alone i became very resentful.
As time went by i met this man at my then workplace. He gave me constant attention. I had told him that i was a married woman. He had said to bad but still continued to pay attention to me anyways. I had loved every minute of it. Not only was i feeling like a diserable woman i didn't feel lonely anymore. It didn't take long before we ended up having an affair. It lasted for two years. I feel so deeply in love with him. My husband didn't notice anything amiss. Then my affair ended. He told me it was over. I was completely devastated. I had wanted to be with this man. Even ready to end my marriage. I felt extreme depression for months. But i kept telling myself that if i were meant to be with him we would not have ended. Of course i felt extreme guilt over the affair. I had contemplated telling my husband so many times. But i just couldn't bring myself to do it. So i tried to make the best of things. Of course ignoring problems won't make them go away but i didn't know what else to do. Then i had lost my job and felt so low. I went job searching and soon found a new one. I wasn't there very long before i had made friends and things were looking up. Me and hubby still didn't spend much time together and sex is almost non existent in our marriage but i was starting to feel a little better about myself. Only a couple of months into my new job and i became very ill. I was constantly sick and spending way too much time in my dr office. After many failed medications and blood tests, i was told that i had contracted a bad staph infection. I was so scared. I kept getting medications and was being told that this should do the trick. Nothing cleared it up and i kept getting sicker.
I was then told that i had mrsa. After researching mrsa i felt heart sick. i was never getting any better. I had to give up my job. So being stuck at home sick and in a rocky marriage only adds to my depression. Hubby still lives his life so care free. I've wished so many times i could walk away, but now i feel...where do i go? what can i do? I can't even work anymore. I feel stuck in a rut. So many emotions overwhelm me. I always feel so angry, depressed, lonely, and hopeless. Always so unsure of what to do. Need advice.