Wife's Job Talk Unbearable!

mojo_workingJune 23, 2007

My wife and I both work. She in Health Ins. Me for a parcel delivery service. I keep my wife informed on open vacation dates, changes in benefits, pension, Insurance, etc. If something very unusual or funny happens at work I will tell a brief story. Otherwise I am done. I don't take work home.

Why?? does my wife want to give me a detailed briefing of her entire day. I could deal with that. But,no. She gives me a run down on professional and personal developments of several coworkers,the team leader, office manager and sometimes the district manager. Then I get to hear about their spouses, kids and pets. She only uses first names. Like I know them, never met a one.

Next it's shop talk time. New cases, who was assisgned what, transfers, promotions,time constraints,new hires etc. There's more believe me. And it's boring to the point of major irritation. She KNOWS I hate "Job Talk". She couldn't care less. I'm her husband she needs support and to just vent. She told me, "You will sit and listen". I laughed she was kidding. NOT.

Tonite, Friday she was informing me of Steve's career options. Long and short term. Stay in Dallas and be next in line for Manager or take a six month overseas assignment. The pro and cons of both. blah,blah blah,blah. Who is Steve? No idea. Why am I sitting here listening to this drivel? Enough.

Is this so bad ladies? I stood up. Signaled time out, and said STOP IT RIGHT NOW. F*** STEVE,and F**** STEVE'S CAREER, and blank and blank. Now excuse me, I'm going to mow the front yard. I was accused of being unsupportive and uncaring. DOH!!

Both 2nd marriage,late 40's. Believe it or not only problem. Love her wonderful gal. Except for the dreaded "JOB TALK". Is it a female thing?

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I think it is a female thing mojo!! (talk, that is) Maybe some ladies not to that extreme, but you guys know that women LOVE to talk, some more than eat. Give her a time limit. "When you get home, honey we will talk shop for 20 minutes, me 5 min. and you can have the other 15 min.after that I suggest we talk about us, world events, etc. etc." (Sounds like you have a social butterfly that just loves people, LOLLOL)

If this is the only problem you have with your girl, you have it made. Thank your lucky stars. Although if it were me I wouldn't like being called your gal. Girl yes, gal, no. She sounds like someone who I would want to be friends with--caring about others, and I like to be around a talker, then I do not have do talk!!

    Bookmark   June 23, 2007 at 10:11AM
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I agree with rosealle.

But if her suggestion doesn't work, don't say anything more about her bringing work talk home. Instead you start droning on and on about the deliveries, the crazy drivers, the weight of the parcels, etc. After a few minutes her eyes should start to roll back in her head. At this time, you apologize and let her take over the conversation and after 3 minutes, interrupt her with another work thing you just thought of.

I figure a few days to a week of this she'll get tired and will start limiting her tales to 5 minutes or less.

    Bookmark   June 23, 2007 at 5:46PM
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Hey Mojo...okay, I can't help it, but I'm laughing - not because I don't take your predicament seriously (I do!), but because of the fact that you've told your story with such disarming honesty.

Some say that women are more inherently relational - that the details of people's lives that seem ridiculous to guys matter greatly to women because their antennae are more naturally attuned to relationships and their issues. Case in point - look at this website! You, posting on the marriage forum as a man, are probably in the minority. Most guys, I'm guessing, don't give a rip about the marital issues of people they don't even know. But we gals...oh yeah.

That said, I don't know if I have great answer for you. If your wife is sharing what she does because that's just who she is, you could try to negotiate how it goes a la some of the suggestions above. If you think she's being passive aggressive and doing it to intentionally make you angry, there's something deeper you'll need to explore. Nevertheless, your question reminds me of the following excerpt from "Dave Barry's Complete Guide to Guys," one of THE funniest books I've ever read. My husband and I can practically quote it chapter and verse. I hope you enjoy it:

"Contrary to what many women believe, it's fairly easy to develop a long-term, stable, intimate, and mutually fulfilling relationship with a guy. Of course this guy has to be a Labrador retriever. With human guys,it's extremely difficult. This is because guys don't really grasp what women mean by the term relationship.

Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"

And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of. And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months. And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward . . . I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person? And Roger is thinking: . . . so that means it was . . . let's see . . .February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means . . . lemme check the odometer . . . Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed -- even before I sensed it -- that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected. And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. Wha cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.

And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure. And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty.That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs. And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy. And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll take their warranty and ......................

"Roger," Elaine says aloud.

"What?" says Roger, startled.

"Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have . . . Oh, I feel so..." (She breaks down, sobbing.)

"What?" says Roger.

"I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse."

"There's no horse?" says Roger.

"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says.

"No!" says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.

"It's just that . . . It's that I . . . I need some time," Elaine says.

(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.) "Yes," he says.

(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.) "Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?" she says.

"What way?" says Roger.

"That way about time," says Elaine.

"Oh," says Roger. "Yes."

(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.) "Thank you, Roger," she says.

"Thank you," says Roger.

Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it. (This is also Roger's policy regarding world hunger.)

The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.

Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: "Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?"

    Bookmark   June 23, 2007 at 6:24PM
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Mojo---my husband is witty and entertaining. He has interesting stories to exchange with cabdrivers. I can't wait to hear about his day--he has great stories, and he sometimes works jokes in there. He does have one valuable talent--he can get to the point quickly. As a result we have interesting conversations.
So sometimes women who seem boring are simply bored and trying to fill in the void.

    Bookmark   June 24, 2007 at 12:40AM
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Say to her "I can understand your need to unload, after your day at work, can we just make it half an hour, over a glass of wine, and then leave it all at work."

I know what its like, my DH talks to me in detail, sometimes about the process of his work, involving mathematical things, that don't compute...at least you have the capacity to understand what your spouse is talking about ! LOL

    Bookmark   June 25, 2007 at 3:47AM
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I think your wife needs some girlfriends to vent and unload to. I think many women mistakenly think that their husbands are for this - but honestly, they aren't - at least not ALL of it.

Does she have any friends? Girls that she hangs with? Maybe you could sponsor a girl's weekend for her where she goes to a spa and can dish to her heart's content - maybe that way, she won't need to unload on you as much because she's done it with her girls already.

Men and women are very different in this sense, so don't feel bad. It just means that both of you might need to do some work to figure out how to relate to one another.

Women typically need to feel an emotional connection with their mates - and some believe they get this connection by talking... Men typically need sex to feel that connection... you can see where this can lead to clashes at times, lol.

    Bookmark   June 25, 2007 at 5:26PM
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Believe me, it's not just a "gal" thing! My husband has three topics of conversation: automotive stuff (groan) golf (bigger groan) and a blow by blow replay of the movie he just saw on TV- and I mean every nuance of the plot, who was in the movie, etc.

What's the answer, I sure don't know, except not letting it build up until you lose the will to live...I did jump out of the car once but it wasn't moving too fast. You can't just come out and say, "Hey, you're a terrific bore, Babe." Right now I am trying to find some type of hobby or activity we can enjoy together. And I have, nicely, told him I will listen with all my attention for five minutes, but that is it. And what did you two talk about before you were married??

    Bookmark   June 25, 2007 at 6:02PM
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Verbal boors come in both sexes. And none of them ever know it about themselves until someone tells them. Gently is best. The habit -- that's what it is -- can be broken.

    Bookmark   June 25, 2007 at 7:06PM
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I agree with asolo. It isn't just a female thing. If telling her that you are bored by the work talk doesn't make it stop, then you have to get more direct. Just stop her after 5-10 minutes and say "I really can't listen to this anymore. Sorry, honey." She'll be hurt the first few times but the message will sink in fast.

    Bookmark   July 7, 2007 at 9:50PM
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Do you watch t.v while she is doing this?? I have to admit I am kinda that way myself, I don't mean to do it, my mouth just opens and out pours all this crap that happened at work, he always asks me how my day went, but I have been noticing that he waits until he gets set down with the remote in his hand before doing so:) I KNOW he is watching it and really not paying any attention to me, but I can vent and he don't have to toatally concentrate, works for us, of course he also vents while I have my nose in a book so it is kind of tit for tat. I work in a machine shop though, so not a whole lot of people to talk about, I can get a blow by blow of co workers their families and pets done in about 15 minutes, lol! He has 500 co workers, so I could have it a lot worse if he was more like me:) But we also have different hobbies, he really doesn't give a dang about the saddle club and I could care less about "spirit of the wild" (something like that, some hunting show with Ted Nugent) only reason it caught my attention was the Ted Nugent part.
see? women can go on about nothing all the time even with complete strangers:)

    Bookmark   July 10, 2007 at 11:35PM
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You might get some ear plugs and just nod occasionally.
Uh huh.....uh huh....nod nod....

    Bookmark   July 11, 2007 at 4:48PM
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