Should I be hurt?

aruvalcabaJune 4, 2007

Hi,

I just want some adice/opinions. I am married and I am hurt by my husband right now and don't know if I am overreacting. Let me give you a little bit of the story. My husband and I will be traveling to South Beath, Florida. We arrive in Florida this coming Thursday and return back home on Sunday. My husband's company is flying us out there on a trip to reward my husband for being an awesome sales executive. Which is great and I am very proud of my husband for doing so well at work. The company is flying 30 other exceptional employees and their spouses as well. On Thurday nights, Friday nights, and Saturday nights starting at 7:30 they will be having some dinner events going on for us. The reason I am hurt with my husband is because my husband has told me that he's going to play golf 2 days, that is, Thursday and Friday so that leaves me by myself on those 2 days until about 3:00 p.m. then at 6:00p.m. we would start getting ready to head to the dinner events. The thing is we will be in Florida 3 full days and part of 1 day which is the day we leave. My feelings are hurt because in essence I am going to be by myself most of the day for those 2 days. He says we can do something when he gets back from playing golf at 3:00 but that only gives us 3 hours until the dinner event. He also said we will be spending Saturday together. I told him I would be okay with him playing golf 1 day and then he and I can do something for the other to like getting to see some florida sights but he'd rather golf. I am hurt because I will be at the beach alone, shoping alone and whatever else alone. I would like to spend more time with him but he'd rather golf cuz he said it's a treat for him to golf in florida but I told him it would be a treat for us to spend some time together in florida. I mean what is the point of winning a trip with your spouse if you're not going to spend most of the trip with her? He said I am being "greedy" by wanting to spend most of my trip with him then letting him golf. But I think he's being selfish by just thinking of golfing for 2 days and spending 1 with me...oh, plus we'll be at the evening events with his company together too. I hope you understand what I am trying to say. Am I overreacting or do I have a reason to be hurt? I don't even feel like going on this trip anymore. I mean what am i going to do all day until 3p.m. when he gets back? Please let me know what you think!!

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western_pa_luann

My husband used to have events similar to that quite often.

Your husband needs to schmooze with the other employees. Golfing is a great way to do that (better than a bar or a SB Club!!).

In the meantime, you get to sightsee, shop, lounge in the sunshine... and have a great free vacation. You might find some friends in the 30 other 'golf widows'.

I always enjoyed the 'me time' at those sorts of events.

But, if you need to have him entertain you.... you might want to stay home. No sense feeling glum on vacation!

    Bookmark   June 4, 2007 at 8:11AM
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gma_j

Don't be hurt - take it as a time to do some "me time" as the previous poster suggested. I also love doing things on my own, but if you don't, there are probably 30 other wives who would love to do things with you. Sounds like it would be a great vacation just the way you describe it. Go and enjoy..

    Bookmark   June 4, 2007 at 10:51AM
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carla35

This sounds like an episode of "Everybody Loves Raymond" or something. Anyway, it seems like this is more of a company function rather than a real vacation for just you two. If you look at it that way, I don't think you'll feel as hurt.

I would let him golf both days and do some activities with the other wives or by yourself. If he's the only one not golfing, it will look bad. I would love some free time by myself to do the activities that my spouse really doesn't enjoy. Have Fun!!!

    Bookmark   June 4, 2007 at 11:13AM
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sweeby

Carla's right -- This isn't really a vacation; it's a company function that is supposed to be enjoyable. Think of it as the Company Christmas Party and your job (yes, your job) is to be the supportive wife that your husband's bosses can see as a professional asset to him. Someone who will be able to entertain high-level clients as your hubby moves up through the company.

Take this time to meet the other spouses and company executives, and to charm the pants off them. Sing your husband's praises -- How he really deserves this vacation because he works his butt off -- but he's so lucky to have a job he loves and is so good at. Don't drink too much, watch your manners, and play the good 'Corporate Wife.' Show everyone you are having a good time and that you aren't 'needy' or 'high maintenance'.

    Bookmark   June 4, 2007 at 11:34AM
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asolo

Ditto all above. This is business. Free, too. You have the wrong perspective about it.

    Bookmark   June 4, 2007 at 12:31PM
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aruvalcaba

Hi All,
Thank you so much for your input. The golfing that my husband is attending is not to shmooze employees/executives. It is for his enjoyment. It is not a networking type of thing. If it was, I would completely understand. The company is paying for 1 day of golf and he's choosing to pay to add the extra day. The company told us we had the daytimes at our leisure and this is how he's choosing to spend his time.

But you know, you make a lot of sense. I am going to go and do things that I like to do on my own. I am going to have some "me time." I am thinking of getting a massage, shopping, beach, sunning and sightseeing. He did work hard for this so I will let him get his kicks. Thanks again.

    Bookmark   June 4, 2007 at 1:21PM
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asolo

"I am going to have some "me time." I am thinking of getting a massage, shopping, beach, sunning and sightseeing. He did work hard for this so I will let him get his kicks. "

Smart lady!

    Bookmark   June 4, 2007 at 1:23PM
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aruvalcaba

Thank you all for your adice! I truly appreciate it. I understand I was being sort of close minded. I am glad you took the time to help me. THanks!

    Bookmark   June 4, 2007 at 4:22PM
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gma_j

Now you are in the right frame of mind for this trip........have fun with your alone time doing all the things you mentioned.

    Bookmark   June 4, 2007 at 5:46PM
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Vickey__MN

I know you say it didn't sound like a business trip, but it is one in disguise. So great you've changed attitude and are going to enjoy it. Also remember golf isn't a sport or a hobby, it's an obsession (from what I've seen, never played)

Vickey-MN

    Bookmark   June 4, 2007 at 5:49PM
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wantoretire_did

Take the advice of the posters who say to enjoy your "me time". We are retired and DH can't play golf any more because of major back problems, so no real "me time" for me. I'll adapt, but just want you to appreciate that special time for you and you alone (or with other gals, as you choose). Enjoy!

    Bookmark   June 4, 2007 at 6:22PM
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popi_gw

Enjoy your trip.

Impressive the way you have resolved your predicament with such a positive outcome. Good for you !

Popi

    Bookmark   June 5, 2007 at 12:40AM
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rhondasue

Don't be hurt. I've been there and done that. But let me tell ya...I live in FL just north of Ft Lauderdale. You will either make friends with other spouses and group together to do the beach or shopping or something OR you will have an EXCELLENT time by yourself. You cannot be bored in South Beach and there is so much to do...even sitting on the beach and people watching is pure enjoyment! Look at it as an opportunity to maybe make some new friends for yourself with the spouses. Or some "me time" for yourself to absolutely relax to the max! This is a free trip, but it is still business related and he needs to mingle with the fellow employees and maintain that relationship too. Hang in there...it will be a GREAT trip for you!

    Bookmark   June 5, 2007 at 7:04AM
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halfdecaf

I second Sweeby's advice to take this opportunity to sing your husband's praises while you're there. Not only will that raise his esteem in the eyes of his coworkers, but it will make HIM feel extra good, too. Compliments are great to hear when they're given to us directly, but it's especially affirming to hear that someone has taken the time to tell someone else how much they think of us. And it will make you feel good, too, to focus on all of the wonderful qualities he's got. Enjoy!

    Bookmark   June 5, 2007 at 1:26PM
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labmomma

My DH travels extensively for his business. When I have the option to go along, it goes without saying that with the exception of 1-2 dinners during trips, I am on "me time".

South Beach is an excellent and safe place to have a great time shopping, sunning, sitting by the pool or beach reading. I could go on and on. I once was left on my own for a week in an almost 3rd world country situation in S.America. The hotel did have a pool, and other amenities. I still managed to walk around the area close to the hotel, sample the food, etc.

I have always found that making the best of a bad situation is best. If you have a sour attitude when he returns from a business-related committment, he's not going to want to spend more time with you, but less. A happy wife is much nicer to return to:))).

Have a great time!

p.s. make friends with the other wives. I have found this to be alot of fun. It is amazing that no matter where in the world you meet another woman, we are all pretty much alike!

    Bookmark   June 8, 2007 at 7:53AM
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debo_2006

I have to agree with everyone and go easy on him. He's an account executive and that's partly what they do when they travel - golf.

I went along with my DH to Austria a few years ago and while he worked, I shopped, had lunch, went to the pool and spa, took walks, went into town, etc. It was fun being alone in this foreign country (I don't speak German either), but got by fine. I have another trip coming up to Australia and while we'll take an extended vacation (aside from his work), I can't wait to sightsee on my own and do what I want some days.

Just think: There are 30 other wives that are in the same position. I'm sure some of them are thinking like you. Have your husband introduce you to some of his "golfing pals" and their wives, and maybe you'll hit it off with a few. Then you can set up some women time to yourselves.

It's only a few days...enjoy it and support his good efforts...then make your own itinerary, and just have fun. Hopefully you're not the type that won't do anything alone, because that won't be an exciting trip for you. It is what you make it.

    Bookmark   June 8, 2007 at 3:21PM
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Meghane

South Beach is my favorite place in the whole world (so far). There are tons of things for a girl to do without dragging the husband around. Check out Lincoln Road shops and eateries (I could spend HOURS just window shopping LOL), then hit the beach or vice versa. I'd love to take a guided architecture tour, but I doubt DH would be so enthused, so that's something I'd do. There are plenty of other cool things to check out, depending on your interests. There are a couple of tropical gardens, the Miami MetroZoo is nice (but it does get VERY hot), you could take a boat sight-seeing tour... Trust me, if you're bored in South Beach then you just aren't trying!

    Bookmark   June 8, 2007 at 3:46PM
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marge727

I just got back from Philadelphia going to a conference with my husband. What a great chance to sightsee, shop til I dropped all by myself. There weren't a great number of other wives who even came to this but I found some and had breakfast with them. I prefer to clothing shop by myself anyway.

    Bookmark   June 11, 2007 at 1:46AM
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sue36

It takes 3 hours max to play a round of golf. Can he get an earlier tee time?

    Bookmark   June 12, 2007 at 11:23AM
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