What really gripes you

carla17September 21, 2007

My biggest pet peeve is that my family just doesn't understand hot flashes. They act like I'm some alien force that wants them to freeze. LOL. I get the impression that my husband thinks I should burn up because he and daughter are chilly. I CAN'T HELP I AM HOT A LOT

Okay, enough about me. I know that I am lucky and most of you have horrible sleepless nights and such. So, lay it out here, what bothers you?


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That my husband says, "You're not the first or only person who has to go through this, so quit complaining, and just deal with it".

Fork him!!!!!

    Bookmark   September 21, 2007 at 10:18PM
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Well said Zoewolf! Ditto!

    Bookmark   September 22, 2007 at 7:55PM
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Fortunately for me, my husband has been incredibly supportive and understanding. My hardest time was fifteen years ago when menopause first began at age 44. I was the only one going through it, and my girlfriends simply could not relate. It was so all-consuming for me, and they had minimal, if any, interest or compassion at all. That made it so hard for me because it was no longer my body and I had no control over it, so of course I wanted to talk about it - but nobody really wanted to listen! ARGH!

At that time menopause wasn't talked about as much or as openly as it is now. There were only a scant few books on the subject; I saw three or four different GYNs before finally finding one who didn't make me feel like they just wanted to put me on any kind of hormones and get me out of the office. It was a very frustrating time.

Ten years later menopause began to catch up with my girlfriends, and then the subject dominated our conversations!

I think it's very hard for folks to be empathetic if they've never experienced a hot flash or a night sweat (or the loss of concentration! and worse, the loss of memory!). They just don't get it.

    Bookmark   September 23, 2007 at 10:31AM
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Oofasis, I'm in that situation myself. My friends do not understand at all. I don't talk about what I'm going through because they just do not relate in the minutest form. It makes the whole process that much more isolating I think. One of my long distance friends is going through the change too so we can commiserate together over the phone but we're both busy and can't be on the phone every day chatting away.

I keep reading any and all meno books I can find. Recently I read a book called, The Pause. Very comforting to read that the author went through the same extreme symptom's and had no one to relate with either. There are still days when I wonder if I'll lose my sanity before this is all said and done so reading books like The Pause helps me to keep a grip and know I'm not the only woman in the universe who has gone through this.

A couple of weeks ago I completely blanked out on what my telephone area code was. Absolutely could not remember it and everyone uses their area code every freakin day anymore. It was upsetting to say the least. So yes, unless you have been there and experienced it yourself, you can't understand it.

    Bookmark   September 25, 2007 at 4:08PM
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hgtvme and others, Sometimes I wonder which part of not remembering things is meno or old age. I will be 52 next month. It can be bothersome to forget things!
Once I heard this should be our creative time and blah blah blah. I don't feel creative at all. In fact, some days I just want to not take a shower and be a slob.
I have heard that The Pause is a good book.


    Bookmark   September 25, 2007 at 5:44PM
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Carla, it's even worse than that for me. I plain do not...no, cannot...get up in the mornings anymore. That change has been the hardest I think because I've always been a morning person, jump out of bed, cook a big breakfast for my family, and get my housework and horse chores done before noon.

I literally struggle to get out of bed now. I was just talking about this with my husband tonight. I hate it that I'm like this and getting everything done each day is a constant thrash. Even if I do get to bed on time and get in eight or nine hours of sleep, when I wake up in the morning my whole body feels like lead. I know alot of that has to do with not sleeping all night; I wake up, I go back to sleep, I wake up, let the dogs out, go back to sleep, so it's not restful sleep. Btw, I'm 46.

    Bookmark   September 25, 2007 at 9:54PM
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All I know is I get hot flashes that wake me up at about two or three in the morning. I toss and turn and nobody cares!

    Bookmark   September 26, 2007 at 1:07PM
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I don't sleep well anymore. I used to pride myself on being able to sleep like a rock; no more.

    Bookmark   September 26, 2007 at 1:12PM
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Jannie...we're here and we do care so you're not as alone as you think. :)

I too use to sleep like a rock, not anymore. I'm not having hot flashes or night sweats (yet) but I wake up all night long and then I lay there and think about all that I have to get done the next day and I start to stress about not getting any sleep! My husband in the meantime is peacefully snoring away.

I get up at six on the weekdays and most mornings I am awake at four/four thirty and it is so tempting to just get up and start the day because if I do manage to get back to sleep I am absolutely wiped out and can't hardly reach for the alarm shut-off button.

It is a very vicious circle we revolve in.

    Bookmark   September 27, 2007 at 10:18PM
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Hi Everyone!
I've read all of your posting and they all sound like me! I too have a heck of a time sleeping. Have to take something most nights to try and get some sleep. Sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn't matter. For some reason my brain won't shut off. Don't know why but it's like the ever ready battery (it just keeps going and going) lol.....and of course my hubby is sleeping like a baby....HOW DOES HE DO THAT?.........now this no sleep thing really had me when I was working and had to get up at 5am. But I have since retried...THANK GOD! and I think that was part of what helped me make that decision. Just could not function. So at least now I can sleep later in the mornings. But, I really like to get up early so I can get my day started. Which I do most morning.

Now as for the energy level! WOW!! I'm so glad to know that it's not just me. I was really starting to wonder if there was really something wrong with me. Because, I would have NO energy and not want to do anything. And that is just not me. I'm the type that really doesn't like to sit around a whole lot. But trust me that is changing (not by choice either). But one thing I have noticed within the past week is I'm starting to get some of my energy back (thank GOD) but I've also been taking Estroven with Energy and 1 matabolife every morning. Not sure if that is what is doing it or not but hey I'm going with it for now...lol...hopefully it will last!!!!.....I also have a site on here called.....searching for help.....check it out there you will find some soothing help from others.....

Remember we're all in this TOGETHER!!!

    Bookmark   October 9, 2007 at 7:49PM
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I can't believe how devastating "the change" has been for me. Maybe its my concurrent fibromyalgia, but it ticks me off that alot of women don't have any kind of problem during the change. But for me, its been like a horrible disease. My muscles and joints hurt all the time, I'm now using a CPAP machine, but am still fatigued most of the time, I can't think straight worth a hill of beans, I have no motivation, I'm anxious all the time......the list goes on and on. Can you tell I'm not a happy camper today??

    Bookmark   October 10, 2007 at 12:33PM
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Marie, you sound exactly like me. Thanks. :)

Catherinet, my symptoms are getting worse with each passing month. I am also starting to have joint pain, just random, the other night it was in my hip socket and I could not sit at all.

I have had a couple of really bad, depressing days this week. No energy, high anxiety, super heavy period, headaches...on and on. When I have days like that it really makes me feel alone because no one can understand, I seem to become more melancholy than before. I had to walk out of church last Sunday because my anxiety was so high I couldn't stand to sit still. My kids think I'm losing my mind! I go through the motion's of what has to be done everyday but I have no energy to do anything extra. Not even pick up debris that is blowing in the yard. I see it, I think I should go over and get that and throw it in the dumpster...but instead I walk in the house. Good grief.

And then today is a completely different day. I woke up at 6:00 rearing to go. I am trying to get all the housework (and yard work!) done that I've let slide this week. I have energy to burn today. This is such a vicious cycle. It stinks.

    Bookmark   October 10, 2007 at 12:48PM
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Hey ladies. I heard this morning on TV that some docs are prescribing anti depressants for some with menopause symtoms. They mentioned Zoloft, Paxil, and one other one.
It's hard for me to tell what is my diabetes and what is menopause. I have no energy whatsoever. Grouchy as can be, well downright, b8888 most times.
Hope you all feel somewhat better soon!


    Bookmark   October 10, 2007 at 12:52PM
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As someone who, after four weeks post-medication, is still undergoing the most horrid form of physical, mental and emotional withdrawal from having been on an antidepressant (Effexor XR) for over six years, I strongly - strongly caution each of you not to blindly accept antidepressants as a solution. Believe me, and please trust me when I tell you, that antidepressants can and do cause a host of other issues that will make you wish that menopause was ALL that you had to deal with. Doctors know very little about getting off these meds, yet they are so very eager to prescribe them for all sorts of ailments.

Do your own research. Read all you can and then make an informed decision. Don't merely trust your doctor to tell you the full story on these extremely powerful, potentially harmful drugs.

    Bookmark   October 10, 2007 at 1:34PM
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I once had a doctor, a psychiatrist who put me on Effexor. I battled that hideous drug for more than 6 weeks, at the request of the doctor. Finally I could not take anymore of the bad side effects and took myself off the drug. Luckily, I found a doctor who actually knew what she was doing and she helped me straighten out my depression.
Don't get the wrong idea from my post and think that anti depressants are a fix it all. I just mentioned for someone who has very bad affects from menopause, that SOME doctors are trying them. You must choose your doctors carefully so you don't have to suffer like Auntjen is. There are thousands of people on anti depressants that are stabilized and doing well, some people could not live without meds. I lost a cousin on July 27, he was very sick and shot himself in the head. I don't think he was diagnosed correctly.


    Bookmark   October 10, 2007 at 3:56PM
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Carla, I am so very sorry for the loss of your cousin. I know how tragic and unfathomable that is, having dealt with suicide in my own family in the past, so my heart goes out to you.

I do agree -- some people are helped significantly by meds, but the point I was trying to make (and perhaps overstated, as I'm having a terrible time coming off Effexor) is that I think doctors are too quick, ready and eager to prescribe them for any- and everything that ails ya. And I don't believe sufficient research or time has elapsed to really know the full extent of what these drugs do to a person. Too, after a woman has gone through the change and come out on the other side, there is a high likelihood that she will find herself unable to stop taking these drugs. They really do alter brain chemistry so greatly that getting off them is either completely impossible, or one of the most hellish experiences imaginable. That's why I'd just strongly caution a woman to fully research these drugs, and if she chooses to use them, be aware of what she's taking. I started taking them six years ago, looking for a little help to get me out of a generally "blah" period of my life, and my doctor presented them as something like a little "happy pill" that would make things all better.

By all means, though, if a person is so depressed as to be suicidal and unable to function, you want them to have access to whatever is going to help. Again, I am so very sorry for your loss, and I wish you and your family peace and comfort as you are undoubtedly still hurting keenly from the loss.

    Bookmark   October 10, 2007 at 4:27PM
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Jen, I just looked at your home page because I was going to e-mail you privately about the death thing. If you want to e-mail me, it's cg.parker@charter.net


    Bookmark   October 10, 2007 at 4:33PM
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I imagine I should have tried antidepressants a number of times. But I just can't deal with the side-effects, and then the hell I would probably have to go through to come off of them. I'm glad for the people they help.......and maybe they would help me. But I'm just too sensitive to funky things in my brain to even give them a try.
I'm not trying to discourage anyone......just telling my story. But I truly lost the life I was used to during perimenopause. It is somewhat better now though. No migraines every day. No feeling like I was going to pass out. No feeling like I might collapse before making it out of the grocery store. At least I'm fairly functional now.
hgtvme..........I'm like you. There's soooooo much I just let slide. Sometimes I have a little energy, but absolutely no motivation. The only way I can occasionally get a little motivation is to use caffeine......but then I end up with tons of irregular heartbeats.
Fortunately, my husband is very understanding, and both my kids are in college. I started through this journey when they were about 7 and 9. What a challenge. I did the bare minimum. Spent many days on the couch, unable to get up. I had migraines every day for a year and a half. I used to tell my kids I was going to have a portrait done of myself, with a blue ice bag on my head.......since that's how they'll probably remember me!
But for all of you out there in the throws of this....take heart........it WILL get better. It might never be the way it was before, but it will definitely be better than it is now. You learn to budget your energy. I used to get up, get the kids off to school, and have some caffeine and do my errands. Then I would come home and crash in the afternoon. I don't know what I would have done, if I had HAD to hold down a job. My heart goes out to those of you who have to function with this fatigue.
And again hgtvme........I do the same thing about totally forgetting things I've known forever. The other day a couple lights went out in our bathroom, that we had remodeled 10 years ago. There are 4 light switches. I could NOT remember which switch was which! I've used them many times a day for 10 years, but couldn't remember!
And everyone is always having to finish my sentances for me, since I can't remember words. I'll bet I spend at least 2 hours each day, just trying to remember a word!
I know this is no consolation.....but I feel that women are supposed to fade away once they no longer can reproduce. I guess we're doing pretty good, considering nature is trying to get rid of us. lol!
Hang in there girls!

    Bookmark   October 10, 2007 at 8:06PM
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Another thing that really gripes me is that no one can come up with a solution (medical/herbal, etc.) to end all the bad symptoms and would not cause damage to our bodies. Women have been putting up with this since time immemorial. Bet you anything if men had to go through this, something would have been done! Can you tell I'm mad at someone of the male persuasion?

    Bookmark   October 29, 2007 at 1:11PM
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Here's an article that I found interesting, and thought some of you might as well. My new (naturopathic) doctor tells me that in certain cultures, there is not even a word or phrase that equates to "hot flash" as we know it. The more I read and learn and think on this, the more I want to accept perimenopause and menopause and embrace it, instead of feeling that my body is betraying me. I understand that's easier said than done, especially when one is dealing with very real physical, emotional and mental pains ... but I'm interested in learning how to naturally balance my life so that I'm better able to cope with something that is normal and natural and simply part of the life cycle.

Here is a link that might be useful: Link

    Bookmark   October 29, 2007 at 4:11PM
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Cheerful1, my doctor (female) said the exact thing!!

    Bookmark   October 30, 2007 at 12:05AM
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auntjen: I'm having a very hard time accepting all of what's going on. I can't cope lately. My life feels like it's in shambles. Menopause didn't cause the problem, but it's not helping.

    Bookmark   October 30, 2007 at 6:44AM
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(((((Cheerful1))))) I'm so very sorry. I hope you're able to find some sort of relief very soon.

    Bookmark   October 30, 2007 at 2:02PM
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Thanks for the hugs. I need them. If I had the tools to cope with menopause, maybe it will help in other areas. I know there's a lot of debate about HRT, but I'm willing to try anything.

    Bookmark   October 30, 2007 at 2:07PM
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I am just not myself anymore! That is the biggest problem!!!
That plus the fact that my libido has up and gone! My clitoris too! Now come on, if a mans penis disappeared, do you think his doctor would pay attention!?!?! Both of my doc's the GP and the GYNIE just blow me off about this! I am not in a spot where I can shop doctors either or I would believe me. I feel like I everything was all of a sudden just switched off and I got no forwarning about it either! I am miserable! I can't sleep, I can't think, I'm hot I'm cold! I have headaches that last for days on end, I itch, my skin is dry, my hair is falling out! I was on HRT but it did nothing for me! Depressed? Hell yes, but fix all of that other stuff and I'd be just fine!!!I'm depressed because I feel like crap! I just want to feel like myself again and I don't think that's too much to ask for!

    Bookmark   November 11, 2007 at 10:52AM
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I am sorry about your libido and your clitoris, but I have to say you are the first person besides me that has mention the disappearing of the clitoris. While I hate it for you, I am glad it isnt just me. Yeah, can you see the reappearing penis cream on the market? It would be out in less than a year, of the first man complaint.

    Bookmark   November 11, 2007 at 9:16PM
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EVERYTHING, I am just about fed up with everything. As you can see in my other post, I'm sick of being hot all the time. I get meaner every day. I just feel like screaming for hours. I need to get to a gym, in the summer I swim and that helps a lot. I should be happy, I've lost 45 lbs. but that doesn't change what's inside. ARGHHHHHHHHHHH
Gripe away everyone. This is one place you can get it off your chest!


    Bookmark   November 12, 2007 at 3:32PM
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Thank you all. It helps not to feel alone. I sleep okay, hot flashes are mild. I want sex but it's much harder to for me to finish these days ;) I hate that. I'm moody and I hate that too. My periods are worse. Cramps, ovulation pain, and mood swings.

I am kind of early(48). I had chemo last year and they think that triggered it. I did not even know until they did a screening with my follow up blood work. They tell me I am 1/2 way through.......what does that mean?

I am tired all the time. I work a demanding job and frankly my looks have always been an asset. I look tired, I feel like I look older.

My husband is a sweetheart but I keep snapping at him.

I am trying to embrace it.......

    Bookmark   November 24, 2007 at 8:35AM
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I haven't had a period for two years - I'm closing in on 51. It hasn't been that bad - my periods ended abruptly (and not completely unexpected) when I had an embolization for fibroids. But in the last few months I've become much more conscious of feeling "old" for the first time ever. I think menopause accelerates aging appearance. ohio48 - what you said about working in a demanding job and feeling like you look older really hit home with me. That's how I feel too. My memory is also not as good as it used to be and I also work in a demanding job where I used to be known for knowing and remembering all kinds of things. Not so any more. All of this is inevitable but it's kind of a shock when you realize you really are aging - no denying it.

I'm thankful though - my symptoms are not too bad. And having had cancer twice (age 15 & 25) I'm really happy I've lived to become old - but I still don't like some of what comes with that.

    Bookmark   December 1, 2007 at 10:54PM
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What really got my attention in the foregoing posts was the age of everyone - 40's and 50's. I'm 67 and I am STILL having night sweats. I was on HRT for about 12 years and then discontinued it. For some reason, no one had mentioned, during those 12 years, that I was just delaying menopause. Once the hormones decrease, the body reacts.

I don't know what I dislike most. Searching for words, not getting through the night without waking (it's much better now, tho'), the night sweats (wich are different from hot flashes, which I no longer experience). The face wrinkles, oh, yes, those bother me a lot also.

I am upset that there was so little information about menopause 20 years ago. Might have made me do things differently.

    Bookmark   December 6, 2007 at 6:50PM
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Right now it's the constant anxiety and internal anger. I snap more at my husband(some of it's deserved, some not). I don't know if this is caused by the HRT, or if it's just the natural progression of menopause, which feels like it's never going to come to an end. This whole thing is so not me! I used to be a happy, optimistic type of person. The "change" has really lived up to its name.

    Bookmark   March 25, 2008 at 1:30PM
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I'm 55 and haven't had a period in about 2 years. I have friends in their 60's who still get hot flashes and are moody. When does it get better?

    Bookmark   March 25, 2008 at 7:06PM
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