I know this is going to be long....so I apologize in advance. I've long been a lurker on this site for the Gardening info, and have decided to post my conundrum here since the community is more of a community than some of the less supportive forums out there...so here goes...
I've been married to my husband for nearly 8 years, known him for 11. I turn 33 in June, and he's 32. I never dated in High School - guess I was saving up for College, where I dated....*a lot.* My husband was the first man I really slept with. We've never had a fabulous physical relationship; it's always been a struggle. The last time we followed through with sex was a little over 5 years ago (pick your jaw up from the floor).
I recently had a wake-up call. I met a man a month ago through work, but who's from out of state; he's also married. Our friendship (long conversations, etc) quickly turned to something more. We recently saw each other and I stayed overnight in his hotel room. Although we *nearly* did something, we didn't. We didn't even kiss, no big aided "O", etc (so please, no flaming). This made me realize that I am not physically "dead" but just in a long coma. It also made me realize that relationships need to have a little sizzle, and I'm not even sure my marriage had any to begin with.
I've shared with my Husband that I'm not happy and he feels the same. We're going to try counseling, but I'm not sure my heart is in it. How can a counselor fix that you're not physically attracted to your husband? We're compatible in most other ways - we share a love of travel, photography, books, gadgets, etc; we have no financial issues; we like each other's families, and he's very sweet to me. Can a counselor help us figure out if we're still in love?
I didn't know that a person could long for (lust for?) someone else until recently - the kind where your eyes meet across the room and everyone nearby can feel the sparks. I thought it was something the Movies & Books made up. I'm not saying the guy from the work is "the one" because obviously he's not (he's now trying to figure out his own relationship)- but he's opened up my eyes to the possibilities....
So I guess my question is....isn't that spark important in a marriage? and how important is it? And how do I deal with this feeling of impending doom, and my discomfort in being at home (because I'm having trouble even liking my Husband) until we figure this out?
I haven't told my husband of my near-encounter, but I've shared with him that I feel like I've been in a physical coma and am just waking up...that I'm realizing I want to have fun and we're boring (LOL)...that I'm totally terrified of being alone....but what I haven't told him is I just don't fantastize about him and I just feel awkward physically around him. Is that something a counselor can help with too?
Help. :( Would love some advice.
PS, I fully want to make this decision independent of what's going on in the "other guy's" life - this needs to be for me, and not what might or might not happen with the other guy.