How do I put it behind me and move on with my new life

mydaddysprincessMay 16, 2006

Before I start I want to explaine everything, I know that I will probably get alot of negative feedback and i'm okay with that. I am 22 years old and have been married for 5 years, I got married at 17 and have been with my husband since I was 15, he was 18 and has just turned 26. We have a wonderful 4 year old little girl. Well the industy that I am in I have to travel all over the US to work and I will work for usually between 4 and 6 weeks than will be laid off. I will do about maybe 4 jobs a year, I've been doing this for a year now. Usually my husband goes with me wherever I go and my daughter as well. He doesn't work and has not worked in a year and a half. Everytime I do a job he says he is going to look for work when my job is over and never really does then I will go back to work. Well in Febuary I left for Colorado to work and he said he did not want to go with me, I was very upset because I had never been away from my daughter or him. But I had to do what my family needed, I ended up meeting someone that was also away from his girlfriend and daughter and about 3 weeks into the job we started a relationship, nothing serious just friends and we would spend time together outside of work. My husband ended up finding out about it and was very upset of course. Well I had already planned on going to the next job because we needed the money badly. I love my husband but it had just been so distant our relationship that is. When I would be at home he would be on the computer the whole entire time and would never pay any attention to me. There was no passion or anything in our marriage and this other guy was so great. I knew that he had a girl and lived over 2000 miles away from me so in my mind I figured I would just have fun with it. Me and my husband decided that we would take a break and see other people during the next job, so my mom took my daughter while he stayed at home, didn't work, partied everyday, and spent the money that I was making for our family. And yes I know this was really all on me because I cheated so I let it happen. Well me and guy 2 continued to spend time together throughout the entire next 5week job. I kept telling myself it was nothing and he was just good company. Stupid me when the job was over and we were saying our goodbyes I felt horrible, I'm not gonna see this guy again (unless we were to work together again) and I felt so sad. It's been 5 days since I've seen him, I'm back at home and so is he. We have still been talking on the phone everyday, but I know that I can't have him he is in California and I'm in Texas, he has a girlfriend that he has no intentions on leaving. But still I have these strong feelings for him and I can't kick myself hard enough to make myself realize i'm an idiot and I'm throwing everything in my life away for a freaking dream that will never come true, and I know I deserve everything I am getting for hurting my husband but now it is pretty much over between us and I am forced with starting over, I will have to move back in with my mom till I can get on my feet because I can no longer do the work I was doing since I will not have anyone to watch my daughter. I am writting for help on how to put it all behind me and move on with life I now have. Please, I am not the horrible person I sound like, I just need advise. Thank You

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I suppose one could chastise you for all of the things you have done wrong, but you asked for advice so I will throw in my two cents.

You were (are) in a marriage that is failing and you are choosing to put that failure all on yourself - stop right there. Neither one of you was putting your full effort into the situation. He doesn't follow through with his promises to land a job and then won't follow you to your next job? He needs to stay with/follow you. There is no reason for him to stay behind (no job and your daughter is not in school, yet). Yeah, you cheated. And he is taking advantage of that instead of trying to get things back on track. You are both at fault here. You both decided to 'take a break and see other people'? That is not marriage.

And you allowed yourself to believe that the only job you could do is one that takes you away for weeks at a time. You both need to change careers - yours is actually a career change; his is getting off the couch.

You need to think about what is best for your daughter. And that would be a stable home life. Not mom or dad gone for 6 weeks at a time.

If the marriage does end, then you will surely be forced into a new career if you have any hopes of raising your daughter alone. Would that be so bad? To put your daughter over a career? Careers/jobs can come and go. Your daughter is not so expendable. Do what is best for her.

    Bookmark   May 17, 2006 at 8:37AM
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First of all, take some time for yourself and your child before you become involved in another serious relationship. Find a job close to home, your daughter is almost school age now, she needs you full-time.

    Bookmark   May 23, 2006 at 4:29PM
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