So i have this neighbor

ninosMay 17, 2007

We have lived in this house for about 5 years now. My husband was overseas for almost 2 years. Most of my neighbors keep to themselves. I dont even know what some look like and she was one of them. She is divorced with a few kids(teenagers). Last year i was inside and the husband was outside working in the garage with the door open. I noticed out of the front window this woman walking her dog and stopping right infront of my house(she couldnt see me). She stood there smiling at my husband as if she was waiting for her dog to finish. I could tell that the dog wasnt really holding her up. A few months later i realized that this is one of my neighbors. Well it has happened again 2 more times both times i was in the house. I am not the untrusting wife but a red flag goes up when i see her and she is staring(smiling) at my husband. My husband has never noticed her. Next time should i go outside and make my presence known? I cant stand women like this. I would like to throw an egg at her(but i wont).

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coolmama

You probably dont want to hear from me.If I was you though,next time I would go up to your husband and plant a big kiss on him right in front of her!

    Bookmark   May 17, 2007 at 4:24PM
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asolo

Sounds like non-issue to me. She's your neighbor? Why not introduce yourself? Pre-mature red-flag, I'm thinking.

    Bookmark   May 17, 2007 at 7:42PM
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popi_gw

Yes, go outside and hang about with your husband.

You sound a bit insecure, I am sure your husband only has eyes for you.

    Bookmark   May 17, 2007 at 7:43PM
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coolmama

Well,she could have the hots for her husband,but maybe she doesnt know he's married since ninos said she is never outside when it happens.That's why she should go out there and casually make it known they are together~without being rude or obscene of course.
On the other hand,maybe she's just trying to be a friendly neighbor and wants to introduce herself but doesnt know how.

Popi's idea is a good one. Go out there and say,"Hi,I'm ninos,and this is my HUSBAND"

Why do you say you hate this kind of women,ninos? Do you think she is kinda "sleazy" and trying to be flirtatious? Is she dressed provacatively?

    Bookmark   May 17, 2007 at 9:25PM
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ninos

No im not insecure. Let me refrase that--I hate those type of people! People who dont respect the institute of marraige. She knows i live her. I spend most of the summer outside and when my husband came home from overseas i had a huge welcome home banner that i left up for a month. When my husband was overseas i was amazed how often i was asked out(by men). They knew i was married and i was so put off that they would consider crossing that line. Doesnt anyone ever get a red flag from another person? Its not a matter of trusting my husband. I completely trust him. I married a great man! I am tired of these type of people but i guess they will always be there.

    Bookmark   May 18, 2007 at 9:57AM
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asolo

Not saying you're insecure, but from your description it seems to me you're making great leaps of supposition. From what you said, at the present time you have precisely no idea what "type of person" she is.

    Bookmark   May 18, 2007 at 12:26PM
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puc13

Ninos -
I know you "just got him back" so to speak, but I doubt there is reason to feel threatened - you note that he hasn't even noticed her. And so far, it sounds like she hasn't said a word to him, let alone made any overtures; she's probably harmless. You trust your hubs, let him deal with it if she does ever say anything inappropriate. No worries.

If you'd like, go out and say "hi" to her. OK, yes...it is rude to stare at someone else's mate. But you never know, maybe she just wants to get his attention by standing there to say "Thank you" for serving but is too shy to just shout out or walk up the drive. If you were to start a conversation and introduce them you'd know better where things stand. As for "red flags" - it is better to know your enemy than to be blindsided. I do hope she is not the "type of person" you think she is, but rather, a possible future friend.

As for men asking you out on dates while knowing that you are married, that is bad taste and immaturity at its worst - I'm sorry you had to experience that.

I'm glad your husband has returned stateside and hope you have plenty of love, laughter and joy.

It's late, I'm rambling...have a great weekend

    Bookmark   May 19, 2007 at 2:11AM
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pickyshopper

Since you have some doubts, it might be an idea to meet her so you can better ascertain whether your feelings are valid or completely off base. Maybe the next time you notice her stop when your hubby's outside, grab a glass of ice water or something to bring to him. When you walk outside, acknowledge her presence with a smile and enthusiastically say "Oh Hi. I'm outside a lot so I've seen you in the neighborhood, but we've never really met. I've noticed you out front occasionally when my hubby's been outside, but I'm afraid it would take HIM forever to notice, so I'm glad I caught the opportunity to make the introductions myself. I'm Mary." (Call out "Honey, can you step out of the garage for a second to meet our neighbor?")

I think this is a polite and friendly greeting, but it sends a few messages:
#1 - you're letting her know you've been outside on numerous occasions, but she only seems to stop out front when it's hubby who's outside.
#2 - you're letting her know that hubby hasn't noticed her before and probably never would.

The circumstances could be purely coincidental. But an introduction to both of you will show whether in the future she ever stops to chat when she sees you outside, or only if she sees your hubby. If that is the case, I'd let him know you're uncomfortable with the idea that she only seems interested in getting to know him better...and it would make you happy if he limits their encounters to a friendly greeting. After all, most well intentioned people would never think of striking up a friendship with the opposite sex spouse, while ignoring their mate.

    Bookmark   May 20, 2007 at 6:18PM
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tracie_oregon

I think you're totally overreacting, sorry.

I agree the best thing to do is make the first step in actually getting to know her. Go introduce yourself and chit chat. Maybe she just wants to meet her neighbors. It seems like people are so standoff-ish these days with the people they live around. No one wants to make the first move to say hello and befriend someone. Neighbors, to me, are an important part of your life. Good neighbors are a treasure. Bad ones are a nightmare. Why not be the good neighbor and get to know her, you say she's single - maybe she's just lonely.

Saying you hate 'this type of person' is pretty strong for someone you have never even spoken to.

And who knows, maybe your assumptions aren't so off base and she thinks your dh is hot - so fine - go out there and make it known he's yours and yours alone by planting a huge kiss on him like others have suggested. IF her thoughts are truly leaning toward liking your dh, that'll send a clear message her way.

But honestly, I think you've made a lot of strong assumptions here.

    Bookmark   May 24, 2007 at 7:02PM
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