Watching others realtionships crash & burn...
I am so at a loss at what to do! I posted before about my friends who just moved in together after almost 5 years of dating (this board is the only one that really I could get relationship help on). Anyway, things seem better and then they get worse again. I realize and remeber how different things are when you move in with someone but, oh my! I've been down to help my friend out with hanging decorations and things a few times this past week and I'm actually pretty shocked at some of the stupid stuff they fight over! They can be laughing and having a good time and then a second later one or the other is mad and it's this big fight that drags on forever. Talk about uncomfortable moments. ~I watched her boyfriend throw another hissy fit and break the lid to the tea pitcher just cause I guess it would dribble tea on the counter when you poured it.
The first week they were there he helped do things and well week #3 is here and he's doing pretty much nothing. But I think she has unrealistic expectations of the whole thing. Like she thought he could do everything she hated~take out the garbage, do the laundry, the dishes..) I tried to explain that in most instances the woman does do the bulk of the house work and that she has to change her attitude about things like washing the dishes and taking the garbage out. It's not like she's still living with her parents and they are in charge of the house. She and her boyfriend are now the ones responsible and if they don't do it, it won't get done. It's just that every little minor chore has a complaint with it. Of course her mother wasn't the best homemaker herself and I can see her mother in her more than she wants to admit. She hates grocery shopping (which she's been there 4 times in 2 weeks and the first trip they spent $250 yet they have barely anything in the freezer or fridge to eat and she hasn't really cooked many meals!!!!!!) They got a dog a few days after they moved in and now she hates having to give the dog water, taking him out, feeding him, etc. She whines about having to pay bills and how they are broke and she can't stand it. (My mother wanted her to come work for her for a lot more money but she wouldn't. She's too used to having tip money when she comes home and she can't live without it she said). I'm sitting there just listening to all this and thinking...WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD!!!!!!!
Something else that is startsa lot of fights are past things. Like the boyfriend cheated on her and came clean about everything before he decided they were getting a place together. She still accepted him but I swear at least once a day or more she throws something in his face about it. She brings the girls up in conversations and trashes them like it's all there fault. Well, if her boyfriend loved her so much...he wouldn't have done anything! And the one girl we hear about all the time, he dated while they were broken up so he wasn't cheating. However the girl got pregnant (but said she had an abortion since then) and it's now all her fault. What about him, Isn't he responsible for anything? Now my friend won't go to the store or drive down certain streets because she may see her or have to drive past her house. She refused the first apartment they found because it was in the same town as the girl but way on the other side. She went on and on about how if she sees her she's going to tell her off and maybe hit her. I told her not to stoop to the girls' level, if she wants to act that way fine but don't do it back.
Anyway, I'm watching all this and seeing their relationship go down the tubes. They just don't know how to compromise or to let things go! I want to warn her but I fear that's the wrong thing to do. Is there any way I can help? Anything you would tell this person? I figure if she could forgive him and accept all the wrong he did in the past, she has to learn to shut up about it and find other things to talk to him about. They both also need to learn that neither of them can always be right, there has to be someone who's wrong once in a while. The hissy fits get you no where...I think I may just once have to get up in the middle of the argument and leave~would that prove anything? I just think they have A LOT To learn about the world. There parents sheltered them for too long or something! well, if anything I guess I had to just vent a little! LOL I feel better now!