What's more important? or maybe both?

RubyinParadiseMay 12, 2002

Is it the words or the actions that say "I love you" in your relationship that are the most important to you? I think the actions come naturally when you truly love your mate, but I am one who really must hear the words "I love you" every day and I must say them to my mate. I lost my mother at a very early age and I always felt I didn't tell her enough how much I loved her, so maybe it's partly that or maybe it's insecurity, I don't know, but it means so much to me. What do you all think?


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Wow, hard question Ruby! I grew up with the homily "actions speak louder than words." And, in most cases I really believe this. But when it comes to my Sweetie and my family and my best friends, I want to hear the words and feel the affection. Some guys tell their partners that they love them, but act so bored and disinterested in their partners lives that I don't see how the love can be very strong.

    Bookmark   May 12, 2002 at 1:06PM
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There's no right or wrong answer to this question.

It depends on the person.

I don't NEED to hear the words - actions say volumes to me.

DH needs to hear "I love you" on a regular basis.

I think part of loving someone is finding out what they need and if it's reasonable, doing it.

    Bookmark   May 12, 2002 at 4:11PM
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From the day DH & I married 26 yrs. ago we have always told each other several times a day we love each other. He will call me from work sometimes just to say that he loves me and he sends me cards via email. So I guess I would have to say hearing the words and the actions mean a lot to me.

    Bookmark   May 12, 2002 at 10:28PM
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I agree with Ruby that actions come naturally when you love someone, but both DH and i say it when the feeling overwhelms us - you know those times when you're just eating dinner or watching tv and you just think, my god, I LOVE YOU!!! LOL


    Bookmark   May 13, 2002 at 7:33AM
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I think the words and actions go hand in hand. My wife and I say the words several times every day. It's become an almost automatic kinda' thing. Hearing the words is important to both of us but the actions are just as important. To me is makes all the difference to have my wife show me how much she loves me by doing something unexpected. And I can tell she feels the same way when I do little things for her because her face lights up like a Christmas tree.

    Bookmark   May 13, 2002 at 8:39AM
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Anyone can say words at any given time - but actions through the years mean so much more. A hug, a touch, a meeting of the eyes during the day, being held while I sleep... means more than someone that babbles I love you without meaning it.

    Bookmark   May 13, 2002 at 5:21PM
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I think both are important, but it depends on the individual & their needs. Certainly the words are meaningless without the actions! We don't say "I love you" every day, but I think we both try to show it daily, by doing little things for each other. Mick wrote "I love you" in soap on the bathroom mirror about a month ago, and I wrote "I love you too" under it. I've been cleaning around that spot for weeks because I think it's cute.

I guess it means more to me when he does something kind & thoughtful that shows he's thinking of me (like picking up Tampax at the store without being asked!) than just saying "I love you" before leaving for work or something.

    Bookmark   May 14, 2002 at 4:01AM
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i think it's an individual need/preference
i've learned words are easy and (can) mean absolutely nothing, so i'll take action every time

    Bookmark   May 14, 2002 at 2:15PM
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my wife says she needs both,myself i lean more toward action, but i like to hear the words also.

    Bookmark   May 15, 2002 at 10:36PM
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I have to agree with Rotny. They go hand in hand.

If your husband/wife tells you everyday that they love you but, doesn't ever pay any attention to you, then it wouldn't matter how many times he, or she said it. I believe we must hear the words but, actions speak "louder" than words if I had to choose one or the other.. :-)

    Bookmark   May 16, 2002 at 2:13AM
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My DH is much more affectionate than I am, both in words and actions. I grew up in a very un-affectionate home and now am uncomfortable with to much except when it comes to my son. although I knew my parents loved me they never said it or went out of there way to express it. I want my son to know every single day that I love him more than life. I tell him every day and hug and kiss him every chance I get. He in turn is very affectonate and loving towards others. Now that he's getting older ( 8 years ) he starting to squirm a little when I do it in front of his friends *G*.

    Bookmark   May 19, 2002 at 4:23PM
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I agree Glassgoddess, I tell my sons everyday how much I love them and they get a few hugs and kisses (if there within hugging distance)...and they're 21 and nearly 24 now. My youngest went through the embarassed stage when he didn't want me showing affection in front of his friends, but the older one never cared who saw.
I know it still means so much to them.

    Bookmark   May 22, 2002 at 7:15AM
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The actions are most important because I feel the word
"love" is used too freely these days. It's easy to say
I love you, but not so easy to "show" it. BUT, we do say
it once a day. If either of us were in an accident, or
died, I would regret everyday if I didn't say I love you!

    Bookmark   June 1, 2002 at 7:29AM
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I am a firm believer that actions speak louder than words. You can tell me to you're blue in the face that you love me but if there is no corresponding actions to back up what you're saying then you are doing nothing more than blowing smoke up my butt.

    Bookmark   January 21, 2006 at 5:24AM
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