Another Facebook casualty
Hi. I could really use some advice. I don't even know where to begin. My husband and I have been together for 14 years, married for 12. We have 3 little girls. We've been having problems for a long time. We argue a lot over his drinking and his spending. He doesn't drink everyday, but when he does he can't stop. He goes out with the guys after work for a few beers and comes home 5 hours later. He drives home like that, when he can barely walk. He staggers and falls down and sometimes throws up. This sometimes in front of the kids. By the way, I work part time in the evening, so when he's out drinking, he's supposed to be with the kids. They have to go to grandma's house. He's even come to the kid's school functions drunk. it's so humiliating. This goes in spurts. It might be once a week, three times a week, maybe once a month. It varies. I think he should never drink that much. To me, that's not normal. He also has what I would call an addiction to going to concerts. Maybe 20-30 a year. One night, when he found out his plant was closing, he stayed up applying for credit cards. Probably about 30. He said he was losing his job and might need to live off of them. We would have gotten by with his unemployment check and my part time job. Now, we're about $55,000 in debt and filing bankruptcy. So, anyway, he got on Facebook about 6 months ago. He never hid it from me. I looked at it everyday. He reconnected with a friend from high school. He would post something, she would respond and vice versa. No big deal. Then they made palns to go to a concert together. It was supposed to be with a group of people, then it ended up just the 2 of them. They haven't gone yet. I was really not happy with that situation. I didn't think it was appropriate. He assured me not to worry. It was never like that in school. They were just friends. She's not that kind of girl. She knows he's married. He says I could have gone, but acted like I would have been the third wheel. He said didn't I think that would be kind of weird? Uh, yeah, and it's kind of weird my husband going out alone with a woman. I just opened a Facebook account. We had been arguing about that because he wouldn't be my facebook friend. I don't know why. Anyway, last Wednesday, we had a fight over all this and other things. I was sitting there on the bed, waiting for some action, and he was on the computer, ignoring me. He said he was waiting for me to "get my drink on". I don't have a drinking problem, by the way. So, I was drunk( 2 beers), and I blew up. He deactivated his Facebook account that night because it was causing too much drama. The next 2 nights after that, when I was working, the kids said daddy was outside talking on the phone for 2 hours. I know now it was her. Sunday, he left work early to "resolve" things with me. first, he went to his parents house to tell them what's going on. He told them he hasn't been happy with me and he found somebody else that makes him happy. So, he told his parents before he told me that he wants a divorce. This is not what I want. I was miserable and he knew it. He knows our problems are mostly his fault. He feels guilty. I feel sad and angry that he wasn't willing to put any effort into making things better. He made a commitment to me. We have kids. He never put us first. We're both still here in our house. He wants to get along. He says he'll always be there for us and will take care of us financially. I've been trying to convince him not to do this. I know I should just accept it, but I can't. He says he has deep feelings for her. She has a lot of "energy." It's not physical at this point. I think she wants somebody to take care of her. She has 2 kids and lives with her parents. My husband isn't the first. There have been others she was making plans with in the past few months and things didn't work out. So now she sunk her claws into my husband. I'm just scared. I don't know what to do. The bankruptcy complicates things even more. I feel like I'm in a state of limbo. I don't have a full time job. Hopefully, I'll be able to find one. I've been at home taking care of kids for the past 12 years. I have no skills. I'll probably have to work for $8 an hour in a factory or something. I would like to go to school. I just don't know what assistance is available. I don't know where we're going to live. We're both going to have bad credit now. I would really like to stay in our house, but I don't know if that's possible. He says I can have the house, he doesn't want any money. But, I don't know if that simple. I'm thinking he will have to pay me $250-$300 a week for child support, but I really don't know. I'm sorry I've rambled. I know I've left a few things out, but I know this is getting lengthy. Does anyone have any advice? I don't know what to do. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I'm just a mess. I always had hope that things would get better, especially after the bankruptcy. He used to call me up from the bar and tell me how much he loves me and that he's sitting there telling his friends about his wife and how much he loves me. By the way, supposedly he told this "woman" that they can't start a relationship yet, it's going to have to wait awhile. I'm just devastated. Thanks for reading.