Body image affecting sex life....help!!!

Shard1834May 1, 2011

Have you ever looked at yourself and suddenly become aware of all your flaws? Like suddenly the mirror has turned against you and you�re looking at your slightly more unflattering twin? Surely that can�t be you! Where did those stretch marks come from? And oh great gods those can�t be�no wait�they are! Love handles! Damn you oh cursed mirror!

Well that�s me and a year ago I was a size six and now looking into that cursed mirror I�m a size twelve. Granted I wasn�t exactly my healthiest at that weight. Why? Well you see losing all that weight wasn�t exactly intentional and up until that point I had always been a size twelve (stupid number). I got that way because I was working graveyard. Oh and I�m talking 9pm to 5am in the morning. How I even got in a relationship. Got engaged and married is beyond me. Seriously, anyway by that time I had lost so much weight my family and fianc� (at that time anyway) were extremely concerned.

But what did I care? I was sexy! Confident! Who cared if I was over worked and over stressed and my DDs had turned into Cs? Well everybody�except me. Cut to a year later and I�m not only unemployed, healthy, and happily married but back to that dreaded size twelve. And while I had to unhappily let all of my skinny clothes go so did my confidence and libido. While my husband bless his heart loves my curves and my breasts I am now not only shy but embarrassed to be seen all natural in front of him. This is affecting our love life and I�m not sure how to change it.

It�s not that I don�t want to have "relations" but once we get into it I over think. Get shy and suddenly the mood is out the window. He�s very understanding but I can see this is affecting him too. In fact I�m afraid that I�m even avoiding some friends who only knew me when I was thin. I�ve always had a somewhat low self-esteem and my husband only knew me when I was thin. I�m afraid that I�ve let him down by becoming curvy again. Even though he says quote "Honey you were a bean poll, I didn�t like to see you like that. But now that your curves are back I find you sexier than ever."

Humph tell that to my evil mirror. I don�t know what to do. I�ve never had a healthy body image and now it�s affecting our love life. How can I fix this? I love my husband but I don�t feel comfortable in my own skin again. Any suggestions?

Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
popi_gw

The most important consideration is your health. If you are overweight you are not healthy.

Throw out all your unhealthy food, and only buy healthy food.

Exercise.

Work as a team with your husband and stick to a plan.

    Bookmark   May 2, 2011 at 7:42PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
asolo

Yo, popi....luv ya, but that isn't what she just described. This is head-stuff.

IMHO, she should talk to a pro for a month or two. Needs to straighten out her world-view generally as far as I can tell. Life is simpler than this.

    Bookmark   May 2, 2011 at 8:25PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
aloha2009

I know how you feel, as I've had to fight those feelings as long as I can remember. I was down to a size 6 also. The reverse part was I did it with perfect eating and loads of exercise. Yes it felt great to look good in just about everything (especially your birthday suit), but it doesn't mean it's all or nothing.

It's good to recognize that you were only the weight due to stress and neglect of yourself.

I am currently "one size stretch all"...meaning I don't even know (I'm thinking about a 14), which isn't healthy at all. The great part though is I'm MUCH more healthy emotionally.

I realize that my weight up or down does not make me more loveable, it's who I am. I'm sure there are people in your lives that are heavier then they want to be. Are they any less lovable to you? Of course not. Even though you may even notice a few extra pounds on them, it's not likely that is the first thing you think of. You like/love them for who they are.

When I would see visably overweight people "strut their stuff", I envied how they could be that way. Then I got to realize, they are sexual beings just like anyone and are entitled to a full life, no matter what size they may be.

Regarding your DH, please, please understand where he is coming from....he loves you unconditionally PERIOD. He loves who you are on the inside, and the outside is secondary. He wants YOU!!! Most men express their love differently them most women and that is thru sex. When you aren't able to be there for/with him, it's like shutting off the side of him that expresses his love for you. Think of how you would feel, if the way you expressed your love for your DH was rejected by him. Have this be your step towards healing yourself.

Regarding your friends that you met while thin. I know how embarrassing that can be. Just remember yes, they will be surprised perhaps (just like if you styled your hair differently), but after that the friendship will go as normal from there.

I used to drop weight, by strict adherence to a diet and exercise. Though I did it wisely, it consumed my every waking minute, and that is not living.

I've decided to diet on my days at work (only 3) and eat sensibly on my days at home. I've stepped up my exercise (from none). I will not get on a scale, since I know that is a weakness of mine. I know what it takes to loose weight and I am doing it in moderation. My clothes are just starting to loosen up some. I try to live each day to the fullest and so can you.

    Bookmark   May 3, 2011 at 6:14PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
silversword

Excellent advice Aloha!!

    Bookmark   May 4, 2011 at 12:12PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
tracystoke

totally agree with aloha.well said.

    Bookmark   May 4, 2011 at 2:39PM
Sign Up to comment
More Discussions
Marriage lacks intimacy - I'm lonely, hurt and frustrated
Hi, I am really grateful for finding this forum. I...
tuliplady
hausband say bad words after he gives me gift!
hi, I appreciate any suggestions. We are married for...
happylife-2
My wife says she loves me but should I believe her?
Hi. I know my situation might seem odd but here goes......
couldusesomeadvice
Intimacy Issues
My wife and I married at the age of 16, we were pregnant...
feedman
Fed up and frustrated
I feel very frustrated and fed up with my marriage....
fedupin512
Sponsored Products
Delia Chevron Flatweave Rug 11'6" x 14'6" - RED
$2,099.00 | Horchow
Pure Black Canvas Pendant Light with Cage Shade of Retro Industrial Style
ParrotUncle
Masiero Lighting | Anima Ceiling Light
$940.00 | YLighting
Catwoman Morphing Mug
$17.99 | zulily
Chock Graphite LED Outdoor Wall Lantern with White Acrylic Diffuser
$496.00 | Bellacor
Thomas Lighting Ceiling Mounted Lighting Kidsplace Sunshine 1-Light Yellow
$54.00 | Home Depot
Lyndhurst Black and Ivory Rectangular: 4 Ft. x 6 Ft. Rug
$183.95 | Bellacor
Abbyson Living London Brown Leather Chair and Sofa Set - CH-1918-BRN-3/1
Hayneedle
People viewed this after searching for:
© 2015 Houzz Inc. Houzz® The new way to design your home™