sexual communication

tbuzzApril 24, 2007

I need opinions on something that has happened in my marriage...my husband hunts and fishes. ALL the time. He has been gone 1/2 of every month this year so far. When home he works 12 hour days. He does nothing in the daily care of our children. If one of his buddies calls he will rudely interrupt any conversation he might be having with me to answer the call. We have sex about once a month and it is terrible but I try to struggle through and fake often to please him. I have never had cause to think he might be cheating. Today I found out he has in his possession the "little blue pill". He swears he got it to please me. He freely discussed this with me with one of his fishing buddies in the boat with him (he is gone again and I have found the pill bottles). He says all the guys talk about this kind of subject and yet he never bothered to discuss such an important decision with his wife. Am I foolish to continue to believe in him. I fell in love with his integrity. Am I wrong to be so hurt and left out of my own marriage?

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asolo

I don't know anyone who would tolerate the treatment you've described. Your husband sounds like a real jerk to me. Can only assume there's more to the picture than you've said inasmuch as you have children together.

    Bookmark   April 24, 2007 at 11:50PM
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coolmama

This seems to be a common issue in threads. The husband is out having a good time,and the wife is stuck at home caring for the kids.
I would definitely question him having the pills.He says they are to please you,but obviously he isnt doing that,right?
I think you need to tell him that if cares about your marriage he will put as much effort into it as he does everything else.

    Bookmark   April 25, 2007 at 2:32AM
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popi_gw

Tbuzz, I don't thing you are wrong to feel peeved about your absent DH, or just H.

Careful words need to be spoken to him, by you. Choose your moment, kids in bed, etc...and say to him "I feel lonely".

He may not even realize what is going on. He may think you are happen to sit there day and night, with the kids.

As for the pills, well, I think that is between husband and wife, he sounds immature, to be discussing that with his friends. You come first, not them.

Think to yourself what you actually want him to do, before you bring it up with him. Thoughts like, "how much fishing will I tolerate".

P

    Bookmark   April 25, 2007 at 3:36AM
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tbuzz

talking will definitely be a priority when he returns. Thanks for the feedback. I just felt so dehumanized being left out of such decision. Glad to know I am not just overreacting.

    Bookmark   April 25, 2007 at 6:31AM
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linda117117

Hi All, I've been lurking for a few days so thought it was time I posted something. One thing comes to mind for me but I also have a very suspicious mind. The OP said they have sex about once a month and its terrible but she trys to struggle thru it. If her husband got the "little blue pill" to try to please her, it seems to me he would be trying to do just that and she would notice SOME sort of difference. Instead, she said its terrible. Have you noticed a change in his stamina, do you have any evidence that he is actually taking the pills FOR you? I would check the date on the bottle of pills. From what I know, you get five of these pills at a time". If that bottle is empty, and it wasnt five months ago, you should start asking some questions.

    Bookmark   April 25, 2007 at 7:51AM
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tbuzz

He says he got them a year ago and they have made no difference so he just stopped using them and didn't throw them out. Stamina has never been an issue for me. The "terrible" part is it is all about him, his wants, no passion and no emotional connection. I have tried to guide, tell and demonstrate all to no avail. Mostly, I would just like a friend in bed. Admittedly, he is a closet perv. He no longer has a porn collection (my insistence) but he "handles" his situation daily.

    Bookmark   April 25, 2007 at 8:02AM
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linda117117

Tbuzz you said he is gone again and I have found the pill bottles. How many are there? There should be a number on the bottle that says how many pills were in each. Add it up, have you had sex enough for all those pills? If the "terrible" part is all about him, then for petes sake, stop faking to please him. If he doesnt know you're not enjoying it, how is he going to know to make it better?

    Bookmark   April 25, 2007 at 8:12AM
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ninos

Truthfully, men dont talk about that stuff. I think a red flag has gone up in this relationship. Im guessing there is another woman. I hope im wrong but he never spends time with you and you rarely have sex. You also said that the sex you do have is not good. Trust your instincts. Something doesnt add up here.

    Bookmark   April 25, 2007 at 10:50AM
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sylviatexas1

He's concealing something,& I'd bet it's a woman:

How many "guy friends" can take half the month to hunt & fish together?

One thing I know for sure:
You can't afford to have unprotected sex with him until you've seen 2 negative tests for AIDS, spaced 6 months apart, & until you know that he hasn't been having sex anywhere else during the 6 months between the tests.

I'm so sorry.

    Bookmark   April 25, 2007 at 12:56PM
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carla35

Or, maybe it is the "guy" friends that you have to worry about...if you get my drift...

Something sure smells fishy--non pun intended. I'd be careful.

    Bookmark   April 25, 2007 at 1:56PM
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asolo

"Admittedly, he is a closet perv. He no longer has a porn collection (my insistence) but he "handles" his situation daily."

Is this what passes for a "husband" and "father" these days? Whoa!

    Bookmark   April 25, 2007 at 2:18PM
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coolmama

"Or, maybe it is the "guy" friends that you have to worry about...if you get my drift..."

Brokeback Mountain!

All jokes aside,I agree with the others.Something is very not right. Be a detective,add up the pills like linda suggested.

Someone I know is also dealing with a BF who "handles" himself daily. Except he DOES look at porn,and isnt intrested in having sex with her at all. She is heartbroken over it.
I think there are more closet pervs out there than people realize. (and no,it is absolutely not my husband)

    Bookmark   April 25, 2007 at 3:46PM
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popi_gw

"No passion, no emotional connection."

You deserve more, young lady.

This is not good enough, a recalcitrant husband, and when he comes back, he isn't there emotionally.

I am so sorry, as well.

Popi

    Bookmark   April 25, 2007 at 7:42PM
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