Husband vs. job
I need some advice regarding an ongoing battle between my husband and I. We have 4 children and he works full time. I also work, but only three nights a week. I work from about 4:00 to midnight on Monday, Thursday and Sunday. I don't make a ton of money, about $350 cash a week. (I am a server at a fun family restaurant). I have had this job for 3 1/2 years, since I quit my office job to be a SAHM. The money helps us tremendously and I really like my job. I have lots of friends at work, my guests, managers and co-workers respect me. Here is my problem:
My husband hates my job. He says "he misses me" and that "he can't wait until I quit". He carries on like I am there 70 hours a week. I point out to him that we need the money and that I NEED to get out of the house anyhow... I take his comments very personally and it is very hurtful. I usually suggest when he starts this fight that "he could quit HIS job and stay home with me all day if he misses me so much". He makes the bulk of our income and his company holds our health insurance. He always points out these facts (which I interpret as "how much more important his job is than mine"). I get tired of him "comparing" our worthiness. If I made the same amount of money as him, it would be the same story, right?
I get tired of justifying my job to him. He is jealous of a variety of my regular guests and co-workers. I usually tell him about my night when I get home from work just to include him but he invariably gets jealous so I've quit telling him anything about work. He always has insisted that I should "work from home". Of course he never had a job for me to do "from home". I even asked, "and what do you expect me to do with a 10, 5, 2 and 1 year old all day?" There is no way I could get ANYTHING done working from home. He doesn't get it.
I will also add this: he does a fantastic job with our children, is a great cook and cleans like a maid! He is a great father and other than this fight, a great husband. I just am very tired of justifying my job to him. He doesn't understand how much working contributes to my self-esteem, self-worth and our family's lifestyle.
About a year ago we had a complete blowup over this and he dropped it for a while. He started in again tonight and I hung up on him. He called me back (I was on my cell) and apologized, but I just don't know if I can take this argument starting up again.
Anyone have any suggestions on how to shut him up and get him over this? I appreciate any advice you can give me...