Should I give dh a chance or give dh the cold shoulder?
I am not sure which to do. The situation is that my dh is the polar opposite as me when it comes to social behaviors. I have lots of friends and am a social butterfly. I become friends with the kids friends parents, I have many friends from childhood as well as college, and I make friends at work. My dh is more of the keep to himself type and is not very social I guess you could say. When we met I think I loved that about him. Maybe it was because my ex was very social like me and then I found out he was cheating for a long time.
Anyways my dh has this thing when he jokes with people where he looks and sounds serious. Never lets on he is joking and just thinks people will know. My dh is also strongly oppinioned on topics and is too vocal about that. When I have family over they are afraid to approach certain topics with dh because they know it will end in dh getting jerky about it. My parents confided in my sibling that they feel like my husband hates them. I cried when I heard that. I am close to my family and friends and they mean the world to me.
I have told my dh over and over again that he comes across as a jerk. Every time he says that I am scolding him. Well today I had it. Last night my sister was visiting and my dh decided to tell her how stupid all her tattoos and piercings are. She never asked him what he thought!!!!! And she is only 18. He just felt the need to say it and continue on with it till I kicked his foot under the table. Then he was mad at me and even mentioned aloud that I kicked him. My sister was uncomfortable and it made me furious.
This morning we were eating breakfast with my cousin and her boyfriend because they came over to visit with us and my sister. A story came up about a couple we all know and her boyfriend made a comment about the couples child being like a niece to him. My husband started on a rant about how they are not blood related and it is not his niece and was just really a jerk. I kicked his leg under the table and he threw a fit. Got up and walked away from the table. My cousins boyfriend got mad and left. My cousin did not know what to say.
I layed into my husband and again he got angry. Then the phone rang and it was my mother in law. I answered and she asked me if I was ok because my voice sounded upset. I told her I was fine and handed the phone to dh. Then he came back in the room with the phone soon after and told me she wanted to talk to me.
She again asked me what was wrong and I began crying. Told her that dh is a jerk to my family and makes them uncomfortable. I told her about his so called joking around and his mean comments. I just layed it all out there. She told me how sad she was to hear that and wanted to speak to him. I went and brought him back the phone.
A while later he returned to our room and apologized. I began yelling at him and telling him I am sick of it and I am at the point where I can not even enjoy time with my family because of him. My stomach is in knots wondering what mean comment he will say next. He kept apologizing and saying he is going to think about the things he says and that he does not mean to come across like this.
My mother in law called me later to see if I was ok and I told her yes. She is a wonderful woman. But I am now left thinking his apology is because mommy and not because he really sees the error of his ways. Part of me wants to give him a cold shoulder for a while because if I just act like I am ok then it will downplay the seriousness of this situation. It has been like this for months. He did not always act like this.
I just don't know how long I need to show him I am mad.