should I allow my daughter to visit her mother in jail?

1924April 5, 2013

her mother is going to jail for one year for forgery related charges. I am wondering if I should take me 14 year old daughter to visit her but I am not sure if I want her to be inside of a jail
it has nothing really to do with the mother. She made some stupid mistakes but it was out of character so I think she just got herself into a bad situation and make some poor decisions, She also never did anything bad at all before this, nor would have been suspected at all she would do something against the law. Also, her mother is showing regret and no defense at what she did and has admitted to being a bad influence to her daughter so that is why I am still willing to stick by her. And I am not defending her or saying she should not serve her punishment or anything either, it is really only the type of environment. I hear also it is a hassle to get in and you don't even get much time to speak. Also, if I take her to visit she might think "mom went to jail, she has no right to tell me what to do anymore" .Which would just be a stressful thing. I even heard her express a kind of joy at her mother being locked up and having to take orders from other people. While that is understandable since she did commit a crime, since her mother has shown remorse for what she did and clearly still cares for her daughter, I think eventually it needs to be put behind us. (she wasn't an absent parent or anything) If I do decide to take her what should I say to her beforehand

Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
popi_gw

Well this is an different sort of problem that we don't usually see here !

I guess you are the father of this child.

I think after a bit of settling in time (at the prison), perhaps you could be sure in your own mind, that the mother wants to see the child, and the child wants to see the mother. That they are united in their need to see each other.

The child is old enough to understand what is going on.

If you ask yourself what are the pros and cons of the visit....

The child sees what happens when you break the law - valuable life lesson about consequences.

The visit will let them keep in touch and foster their love and caring for each other.

The mother sounds like she is sorry for what she has done, I don't see why she should miss out on family support in her trying time. That shows compassion.

14 year olds can say some pretty mean things, but they don't mean it most of the time.

Good luck - a bit of a ramble from me.

    Bookmark   April 6, 2013 at 1:42AM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
emma

Let the child decide. Seeing her mother there might make her think about it, if she decides to follow in her mother foot steps.

    Bookmark   April 10, 2013 at 12:38AM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
LuAnn_in_PA

A 14 year old can decide for herself.

    Bookmark   April 11, 2013 at 1:49PM
Sign Up to comment
More Discussions
Scarlett's List of People to Avoid (Romantically)
Reading some of these recent posts, I'm moved to start...
scarlett2001
My marriage is falling apart, I don't know what to do
There is no short way to put this. I am going to include...
DistressedWife
Am I Wasting My Time?
So, I have been with my fiance for 5 years. In the...
kitty_kat88
husband doesn't want sex.Can I hear from the men???
We are in our 40's.Both of us in good shape.We are...
cheesecurlgurl
I don't think my husband likes me anymore
When we first started dating he always wanted to be...
fizzyfroglegs
© 2015 Houzz Inc. Houzz® The new way to design your home™