Curiosity kills that cat. I need help!
I happened to look at my wife email's inbox at home computer(she didn't
sign out) and found recent correspondents with hers what seem to be her
ex. They would signed off the emails with "Miss U". I don't know what
to do the entire day today. Mostly I am just hurting really bad, because
I thought we had trusting relationship and that is what we emphasized
when we were dating(long distant).
Let's step back a little bit with the history. We are somewhat of a
newlyweds. We have been living together only for 3 months. We married a
year ago after two years long distant dating(she from another country).
We met through family introduction(not arranged). I am a very passionate
person and believe in loving someone whole heartily. During our dating
period I had some anonymous email telling me that my wife is manipulative
and should not be trusted. This person worked at her former company.
He/She would tell me stories of why my wife shouldn't be trusted and told
me that she/he has no personal interest in telling me this. He/she just
look out for me. At the time I didn't trust this person and asked for
evidence (pictures/emails/etc..). Of course he/she didn't have it. I
would told my wife about this and she would tell me that she/he just
jealous of her position in the company or someone just want to harm her
personally. After a while this person couldn't persuade me so they just
stopped telling me stories.
Now am question should I have listened to this person. In the email my
wife and her lover talks about their fondness for each other and they
miss, hug and kiss each other over emails. I am devastated and don't
know what to do. Although there is not physical contacts between them, I
feel that it's the same thing with the full blown affair when she's not
emotionally available to me. I do want to save the marriage provided
that she admitted to the emotional affairs and vow to make a total
dedication to the marriage. Here is my plan:
1. I feel bad for having looking at her emails but I feel that we
shouldn't have any secret in a marriage. I have always trusted her even
when others warned me not to.
I want to sit her down and ask her how she feels about the marriage and
her love for me. (We are financially in a bit of the tight situation).
I had a hunch that she wasn't herself when we got married and she was
pretty cold toward me. I asked her about it but she denied and said it
was just stress from the wedding day itself. Now that putting the two
together, I think she just married me to be here in the US.
Then I'll let her confess and tell her that I know everything. I'll let
her know that this is her last chance to redeem herself by telling the
truth and build the trust in the marriage again. If she doesn't
confess and continue denies until I proved to her by showing her the
emails then she still dishonest with me--and this is the 'last straw that
broke the camel's back' for me. I'll ask her to leave the house and stay
with her female friends and think about it for a 3 days and come talk to
me if she wants. Mean while I will talk to her parents and her sister.
This is the only way for her to come clean and change her way. She has a
lot of respect for her parents and would not do anything to make them
sad. I feel that this is the only way for her not to leave me. If she
doesn't love me and when she's ready on her own two feet(has a jobs) and
meet another person she will just divorce me. I want to protect my
emotional self and my assets (the house) that I work so hard for.
2. Even if we decide to start over I'll still have her sign a
post-nuptial agreement, for I already lost my faith in her. I took my
chances by not having her sign the pre-nuptial agreement to begin with.
I would rather annul the marriage then going through my life knowing that
she only married for convenience. I believe she has a conditional visa,
if it doesn't renewed within two years then she will loose her permanent
Please let me know what you all think and how should I bring this up so
we can save our marriage. But I will divorce her if she doesn't love me.
thanks a millions.