Anger issues but not a bad guy?

akwf77April 6, 2010

Does anyone else have a husband with anger issues who isn't directly mean to them.. but the anger still causes relationship problems?

My husband would never in a million years hit me or anything like that. He's not abusive. Everyone adores him.

But I feel like his anger has broken our marriage.

Things were great when we first met. But shortly after I moved in I started to see his temper. He would road rage to the point of driving his 4wd through the ditch to pass someone on the left, driving down the center of the road to keep someone else from passing, or throwing his truck in reverse to intimidate someone behind him. One time he got into it with a car full of drunk guys and one of them pulled a gun.

I tried to leave him but I couldn't stand how much he would cry and beg, plus I had given up everything to move in with him and I really had no where else to go. Things would get better for a while and I would regain hope for us.

Then he started having problems with his mother.. and his anger went off the wall. One day he got into it with a buddy over something stupid while we were all out 4 wheeling.. and my husband started yelling. I was grabbing his arm trying to calm him down when he turned around and screamed at me so bad everyone stopped and stared. I was embarrassed beyond belief so I got out of his truck and started walking. Then I heard glass breaking. I turned around in time to see his truck hit a tree. Turns out he got ticked, punched his mirrors out with his fists, and when he ran out of mirrors he punched out his windshield. Then drove the truck into a tree and repeatedly rammed it into the tree until I stopped him. Shortly after that he lost his cool at work and punched his personal truck, breaking his hand. They sent him to anger management, sort of. They told him to go see a counselor, but the guy was burnt out or something.. he was always half an hour late and my husband gave up going.

Breaking his hand seems to have been a turning point for him, and his anger hasn't been much of an issue since then.

Problem is, somewhere in all of that, I fell out of love with him and I haven't been able to get it back.

Now I don't know what to do. Is it possible to fall back in love with someone?

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Oh, please. Get away from this monster. Do it now. The difference between displaced aggression and actual direct aggression against others is thinner than a hair. You have no idea what you're dealing with.

"....I fell out of love with him...."


"Now I don't know what to do."

Use your brain. You're in danger....and likely always will be unless you get out of there.

    Bookmark   April 6, 2010 at 4:27PM
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I was married for 18 years to a man with major anger issues. Like your husband, mine was not physically abusive towards me. But emotional abuse is just as bad. Those scars are just as deep you just can't see them on the surface. I too "fell" out of love with him early on but stayed because he threatened many times to take my children from me if I even tried to leave. Do you have children, is that why you stay? If you don't have children, don't have them with him at all.

He may be calmer now, for awhile, but he will revert, trust me.

When I finally left my husband he didn't understand why. I told him anger, meanness and "you" are just not a nice person and if I wasn't married to you I wouldn't even want you for a friend...ask your friends. So he did (surprise, surprise)and even more surprising they all told him the truth. That was ten years ago. Last year he told me divorcing him was the best thing that ever happened to him because that was the only thing that would and did get through to him was loosing everything, including his kids. Forcing him to really take a long honest look at himself, with the help of a counselor. However it did take him almost 10 years to reach that insight.

Asolo is correct, you are in danger, maybe not today maybe not tomorrow but it will come eventually. Each sucsessive outburst that he gets away with will be just a little more intense until it eventually becomes physical.

But to answer your original questions: NO!!! It is my belief that it is not possible to "fall" back in love. That level of love requires a level of trust that I don't believe can ever be restored. But that's just MHO.


    Bookmark   April 6, 2010 at 8:03PM
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