Would you attend a wedding...

housefulApril 17, 2007

that you don't support? This is a close family member and I know she's making a terrible mistake. However, I certainly don't want to cause trouble. What would you do (or have you done in a similar situation)?

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asolo

Depends on what the nature of the "mistake" may be. However, unless there's some kind of outright fraud involved, knowledge of which only you are privy to, I wouldn't make waves. Don't think of your attendance as "support". Think of it as "acknowledgement". They are announcing and you are acknowledging that the two are now one. This kind of thing is pretty common. And you might have it wrong. No way to be certain. (or is there?)

Also depends on how easy a refusal would be. Lots of people are unable to attend weddings. If attendance in your case would be seen to be easy and expected, your non-attendance would be noteworthy and there may be a family-price to pay.

I would say attend with a clear conscience. If you said you were asked to be bridesmaid or maid of honor or something that required more than mere attendance, I would have a different opinion.

    Bookmark   April 17, 2007 at 4:14PM
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sweeby

I agree with Asolo.
I've gone to such weddings simply as a matter of respect to the bride or groom.
Then shortly thereafter supported the bride/groom through the preliminary divorce proceedings.
Then supported the bride/groom through the reconcilliation process.
We'll see what's next...

    Bookmark   April 17, 2007 at 6:10PM
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asolo

Must apologize for my assumption that you are female. However, advice would be the same for either sex.

    Bookmark   April 17, 2007 at 7:18PM
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lindakimy

I would go if you would normally go to a wedding for someone like this in your family. If you don't, there will be some explaining to do. Please don't use that as an excuse to tell others about your misgivings.

Bottom line: who are you to decide whether they are good together? They have to make this decision. You don't have any rights or say-so here.

Your presence at the wedding doesn't have anything to do with whether you approve or not. It has to do with your love for your family member who it getting married. You can surely go and wish them all the luck, happiness, and success possible...no? Who really knows in a case like this? You could be totally convinced that the marriage is a slam dunk and then he (or she) could do something totally unforeseen (and dreadful) and the whole thing could just go south. It isn't up to you. Your presence at the wedding has to do with your willingness to support and hope for the best. Surely you can do that even though you wish things were otherwise.

    Bookmark   April 17, 2007 at 9:59PM
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popi_gw

Is this person's happiness important to you ?

Would this person be happy if you where at the wedding ?

If, yes, then you should go.

Not up to you to make judgements about whether it is a suitable match, assuming that no laws have been broken, or issues of safety are going to come up.

    Bookmark   April 18, 2007 at 6:07AM
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azzalea

I think everyone has the right to make their own choices (and mistakes). It's not up to me to tell someone--even by a boycott--that I don't like their choice of a mate.

I would never consider missing the wedding of a family member I cared about, no matter what the circumstances. Hey, I've even been to the wedding of a gay family member (some years back, before they were legal in my state).

Going to the wedding doesn't imply that you approve of the union, just that you respect it.

    Bookmark   April 18, 2007 at 9:08AM
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houseful

Very good advice. It is self-righteous of me now that I see it in writing, LOL! ASSUMING they even make it to the alter, I will be there. Thanks!

    Bookmark   April 18, 2007 at 11:02AM
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houseful

I should have also explained. that her happiness is important to me. She's not happy now, though. They are always fighting, breaking up, getting back together...I think you get the picture :)

    Bookmark   April 18, 2007 at 11:07AM
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popi_gw

Houseful...you will need to be there even more, if she isn't even happy before the weddding !

She should ask herself, why am I doing this ? Why aren't I happy? Lots of issues coming up, for her.

Hope it all works out, for you and her !

P

    Bookmark   April 18, 2007 at 8:31PM
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scarlett2001

I had to attend the wedding of my (now ex)-best friend. She deliberately broke up a family (there were children) to steal the guy for his money. She didn't have any attendants, so I dodged that bullet. It would have been very obvious if I hadn't gone, so I did what I had to do, kept a low profile and that was that.

    Bookmark   April 23, 2007 at 3:59PM
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