Confused..!!!! My Ex is haunting me.

lostsoulApril 1, 2008

hello, again, im in need of some major advice. you see when my wife and i where having really bad times with our marriage, i didn't have anyone to talk to, and i was desperate for someone to talk to. so what i did was i emailed my Ex after i seen her at a bar the one day, she doesnt know its me, but we have talked for a few months now. she only knows me as the mystery guy, but in the times that we talked my feelings for her got stronger, but also in that same time my wife and i reconciled and we are actually alot more happy now. so i decided to break it off with my Ex and tell her that we can never be. but when i wrote to her, she wrote back saying shes not giving up that easy. how do i just put an end to that. i really enjoyed talking with her, she got me through alot when i was in need of a friend. but i can't have feelings for her when i love my wife. it has to end. how do i end it, without hurting her feelings anymore than i have.

i have no intensions of leaving my wife for her, she was there for me to talk to. and nothing else. but old feelings came back and i don't want them anymore. what can i do?

please help.

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asolo

"how do i just put an end to that"

Since she's already demonstrated her tenacity, your choices are limited. You may not be able to avoid hurting her feelings. Suggest being direct and final including specific instructions about no contact.... and thereafter not responding at all. If she persists, you may be faced with 'fessing up to your wife and considering restraining order. If you're serious about your marriage, do what's needed....whether or not it's easy and whether or not feelings are hurt.

    Bookmark   April 1, 2008 at 3:55PM
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carla35

Wait, she doesn't know it's you? You're just a mystery guy to her?

Tell her it's over and just don't respond to her e-mails and/or change your e-mail if necessary. Everybody's been dumped or has had to dump someone before. Just because your relationship is on the computer doesn't mean that you can't dump her.

Not that's it right what you did, but she didn't really expect a mystery internet guy to be her knight in shining armor, did she? Plus, she probably should have considered that you may be married, so I don't really pity her.

You can't really please both your wife and computer mistress, right? You're not going to come out smelling like roses no matter which way you look at it or what you decide to do. You've hurt people for your own selfish reasons, live with it.

    Bookmark   April 1, 2008 at 5:00PM
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sweeby

That's really wrong LostSoul... You had your go with your Ex. You both determined that the relationship didn't work, and for you to go resurrect it under false pretenses, knowing just which of her buttons to push?

You used her, and owe her an apology. Tell her it was you and admit you used her. Give her the chance to bash you one more time good and proper, and use her anger at your 'jerkiness' as a remedy for her pain.

Not to even mention the damage to your current marriage.

    Bookmark   April 1, 2008 at 7:44PM
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scarlett2001

Sounds like you want to have your cake and eat it, too. When you needed your ex, you "found" her. Now your crisis is over, you want to dump her. Wake up, Caspar, you're not the only person who has feelings.

    Bookmark   April 1, 2008 at 7:46PM
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popi_gw

Lost...you can't really put a stop to this without hurting her feelings.

Perhaps all your talking to her, inadvertently led to the reconciliation with your wife. So if that is the case, its not all bad.

Make your mind up to stop emailing her, and be done with it, change your email address, and don't contact her again.

The ball is in your court, its time to hit an ace.

Glad to hear things are going well with your wife, that's terrific. Good luck with it all. Let us know what you do.

P

    Bookmark   April 2, 2008 at 2:13AM
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tracystoke

I WOULD DEFINATLY NOT OWN UP IT WAS YOU,YOU COULD END UP IN MORE TROUBLE THEN, IF IT GOT BACK TO YOUR WIFE.
JUST DONT REPLY TO ANY OF HER EMAILS OR CHANGE YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS,SHE WILL SOON GIVE UP,SURELY SHE WONT BE THAT UPSET ,SHELL GET OVER IT,DONT WORRY,GOOD JOB U DIDNT GIVE HER YOUR PHONE NUMBER,YES IT WAS WRONG WHAT U DID BUT HEY ,WE ALL DO SILLY THINGS WHEN WERE DOWN,GOOD LUCK

    Bookmark   April 2, 2008 at 4:52AM
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lostsoul

You are all right. it was horribly wrong for what i did, and please don't think for a minute that i have regrets for doing so, but understanding that my marriage was about to end, and i had no one to talk to it seemed at the time my only option. i feel completely wrong for what i did, and to those who asked, no she doesn't know its me, im a complete mystery to her.
but the good that came out of it, is that i was able to work on my marriage during this, and with the advice you all had given me, and just being able to talk to someone else, has saved my marriage. my wife and i are once again, walking the road to happiness after 3 years of arguments, and non-intimacy, we have our marriage back. and i can't be happier than i am now. so what i did do was wrong, and im taking your advice again. there shall be no more emails. i will stop. and it was really wrong. but i never thought things would be like that. but you are all right once again. and thus the reason why i love being on this site. all of you have been so helpful and i hope sometime i can be the one to help one of you some time when you need help. im really not a bad person, i've just made a bad choice, after all i am only human. i hope all of you don't think that of me. thanks again for all your advice and help.

lostsoul...

    Bookmark   April 2, 2008 at 8:43AM
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asolo

Just get a book on punctuation and you'll be all set.

    Bookmark   April 2, 2008 at 2:14PM
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lostsoul

ok so my punctuation isn't the best, or neither is my spelling. but i tried. not all of us can be experts in grammer...lol. thanks for pointing that out to me, im going to walmart for that book today.lol..

    Bookmark   April 2, 2008 at 4:01PM
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popi_gw

Nothing happened with this email person, I wouldn't be so hard yourself.

Your worst crime is your punctuation...(lol).

    Bookmark   April 2, 2008 at 6:12PM
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asolo

Compared with the problem you just solved, the punctuation thing is nothing.

Just trying to be cute. I'll shut up, now.

    Bookmark   April 2, 2008 at 8:08PM
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scarlett2001

ASOLO, you crack me up! I was going to mention that, too, but I didn't want to be too hard on Lostsoul, as I had already kind of slammed him.

However, Lostsoul, when you go to Wally World to look for that book, look under "Grammar" not "Grammer", ok? Else you might find a book about your grandmother.

    Bookmark   April 3, 2008 at 12:55PM
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sweeby

AND COULD YOU SEND ONE TO TRACY?

sorry - couldn't resist...

    Bookmark   April 3, 2008 at 2:59PM
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popi_gw

Lol

the only thing I know about Walmart is that South Park episode, no walmart for me to go to, here.

    Bookmark   April 3, 2008 at 7:53PM
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lostsoul

Ouch! (did is spell that right?).lol.. You guys/girls are harsh. But hey its in all good humor. I'll wait patiently for one of you guys/girls to spell something wrong. And then its my turn. lol.. Thanks for correcting me. MOM!

thanks again, no harm done.

lost.

    Bookmark   April 4, 2008 at 8:59AM
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tracystoke

I wasnt gonna bother to reply to sweebys comment,it was just too funny.
i couldnt giv a toss about my punctuation,
you have way too much time on your hands,GET A LIFE.

    Bookmark   April 4, 2008 at 9:36AM
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scarlett2001

Lostsoul and Tracy,
I'll be the first one to apologize and eat humble pie - I'm not too bad in grammar, spelling, etc., but don't even ask me to do the most simple math. It's completely hopeless. Used to think I was pregnant every month because I had trouble counting to 28.
So we all have our good/bad points. Pie, anybody?

    Bookmark   April 4, 2008 at 1:02PM
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lostsoul

Did you say PIE?. How about Dutch apple. lol..
i have no issues with whats said about me or my grammer, grammor, grammar.. people understand what i write, so that is all that matters. im not upset about it. i know it was joke in good humor. and there is no hurt feelings or any anger. we are after all, only human. (that is spelled right) right?..lol
i can take a joke.

just let me know when the pie is ready.

    Bookmark   April 4, 2008 at 1:25PM
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blondiel

Are you sure that your ex doesn't know that it is you? She knows your writing style and you know what she wants to hear. The fact that you started your emails after seeing her at bar may give her some clue. The joke could be on you.

    Bookmark   April 4, 2008 at 4:20PM
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lostsoul

no, im 100% sure that she does not know it was me. and second of all its over, the emails have stopped. and life is back to where it should be.

thank you for all your help.
this is truly a great place to seek help and advice.

lostsoul.

    Bookmark   April 7, 2008 at 8:54AM
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