Husband says can't have sex with me

dolcelavita27April 11, 2009

I just found out my 52 yr. old husband of 15 yrs. has had a fling with a 26 yr. old drug addict that is in jail now. The funny thing is you should see this girl, nasty looking and not even his type. He don't like people who drink,smoke or do drugs? He said there was no sex, pretty much he was her sugar daddy for over a yr.

He left our marriage for a nasty drug addict girl who slept around with everyone. I'm not being rude but I'm a very attractive 39 yr. old

I told him I forgive him and wanted to save my marriage, yesterday he tells me I love you, your the best thing in my life but I don't want to be married and having sex with me was like something dirty like he looks at me as if I'm his sister?? What is that??? We don't spend alot of time together and we both have been extremely stressed out financially. We have a this emotional connection with each other so why can't he have sex with me? I have sacrificed alot in 15 yrs. but never say anything to him. Can anyone explain what & why he can't have sex with me? I don't understand the sister thing??

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carla35

Try looking up the Madonna-Whore Complex. And, hey be careful -- I would bet no matter what he says he was fooling around with the young girl/drug user and could very easily have caught some serious diseases... It may be a blessing in diquise that he won't sleep with you.

Here is a link that might be useful: Madonna Whore

    Bookmark   April 11, 2009 at 2:23PM
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tracystoke

yeah maybe he has aids,if there was no sex what exactly were they doing.I wouldnt forgive him.you are still young,get out and find someone that loves and respects and wants sex with you,this marriage isnt worth hanging on to,you deserve more.

    Bookmark   April 11, 2009 at 3:19PM
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asolo

"...not even his type..."

Well, there's one thing you got wrong, apparently. Obviously somebody was somebody's type.

"...having sex with me was like something dirty like he looks at me as if I'm his sister..."

This is bunk. Until you find out what the real story is, you've got nothing to go on. He's not telling you whole story. Regardless, IMHO this is a one-strike-and-you're-out situation. Dump him. At least don't have sex with him unless/until he gets thoroughly checked out. "Sugar daddy" my foot!

    Bookmark   April 11, 2009 at 3:35PM
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amyfiddler

Sounds like someone with a trauma history. By the way, affairs have nothing to do with a spouse's physical attractiveness. Not even his sexual issues have anything to do with your attractiveness.

Sad that this has happened to you. Go to your doctor to get tested ASAP.

    Bookmark   April 11, 2009 at 4:10PM
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mom2emall

He was her sugar daddy for over a year?? So he was spending the money you and him earned together on a young whore? And now that she is in jail he decided to stop seeing her?? Wow...that was great of him...NOT. What happens when she gets out of jail???

Does not matter if he was sleeping with her or not. He was spending your time and your money on another woman. That is still wrong. He could have been taking you nice places...but he chose to do whatever he did with her.

What benefit will you get out of staying? This "connection" you speak of sounds one sided. If it was a mutual thing he would have never needed to go be some young girls sugar daddy.

My 2 cents is get out of this relationship. 39 is hardly old. You have plenty of time to get your life back in order and either enjoy your new freedom or find someone who will treat you better. But really being alone is much better than being with this guy.

And do please go to the doctor. Many STD's are curable with some meds....but have no symptoms. If untreated they can do major damage. Don't take his word and not protect your health. Your health is the most precious thing you have. You owe it to yourself to go get checked just in case he is again lying to you.

    Bookmark   April 11, 2009 at 5:08PM
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asolo

PS.....IMHO women just enter their prime in their early forties. Lots of good life with worthwhile people ahead of you if you want to move on. Life's too short to live it with dingbats like the one you're married to.

    Bookmark   April 11, 2009 at 6:02PM
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thermometer

She needed him, and some men need to be needed. Independent women are more than they can handle even though they care and might fall in love. It wasn't about this woman or all her faults. Any woman would have served his purpose, any woman that needed him because it makes him feel like a man. If you quit your job and behave as if he were your father, then you'd be the one. Don't take it personally though I know that is hard to do. Well, I know you have to to some degree since it affects you and your life being that you are the wife and have been disrespected. It's a really big bummer, but it has nothing to do with how attractive you are, so don't take it personally in that manner. You have your act together, and therein lies the problem. She is a mess and as far as he could see, she needed rescuing. No, he could not save her from herself, but you get my drift.

Just a side note, being so judgmental of others might be a turnoff, too.

    Bookmark   April 11, 2009 at 10:25PM
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scarlett2001

Your DH definitely has some other reason why he won't have sex with you- herpes? AIDS, HIV an STD? who knows?
You have several fronts on which you have to deal with this: emotional, health and financial...and maybe mental, as well. Is he involved in drugs?

    Bookmark   April 12, 2009 at 3:33PM
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silversword

I don't agree that you are being judgemental. And if you are, you have a right to be.

Remember that AIDS can not show up for up to a year. Don't have sex with him.

Agree with Asolo... you are entering your prime. So sorry to hear this has happened, but he's a jerk. Get out, move on.

"Financial difficulties...was 'just a sugar daddy'..."

HELLO??????????

He spent your money on someone else. Nice guy. Now he rationalized it. Whatever. If he wanted to help someone out he should have discussed it with you. If he's treating you like a sister I hope he doesn't treat his sister this bad.

    Bookmark   April 13, 2009 at 12:09AM
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wildchild

Sounds crude but I'd say he's just not into you. He likes them in their 20's. You were 24 when he was into you and he was 13 years older than you. He doesn't want to grow old together. He wants some young thing on his arm who he can manipulate just like he probably did you when you were 24.

He has no reason to leave the marriage. You do. Let him go. He loves you like a sister. That's the best he can come up with. Why would you want to sleep with someone who doesn't want you?

    Bookmark   April 29, 2009 at 4:04AM
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