How did you know...

phyllis_philodendronApril 12, 2002

when your marriage was ready for children? In our immediate area, there have been three new babies in less than a year and one on the way. It just makes you think...I'm not considering for a second getting pregnant just because everyone else is, but we're just weighing our options, etc. at the moment. I'm currently trying to get a job here in town and we thought, if I don't get it, we'll start trying this summer. The whole concept just seems so strange to me, in a way!

How long were you married before having kids?

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7 years for us. DH had health problems, so once he was semi-healthy we grabbed the bull by the horns, so to speak.

The severity of what we went thru made us reevaluate things, and now we are blessed with the most wonderful child! She turned 4 last December.

    Bookmark   April 12, 2002 at 11:24AM
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Wife and I have talked about it on several occasions. She had one of her tubes removed and the other is blocked so it looks like its going to have to be adoption for us. Envitro (sp?)and the Gift procedure are a little too pricey for "hit or miss" and we don't want to go the surrogate route. Who knows, we may never have kids...and right now we're both ok with that.

    Bookmark   April 12, 2002 at 12:08PM
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We were married eleven years when our first was born. We always thought we didn't want children. When we were married around 7 years, our thoughts changed and we decided that we really did want a child. By that time, we found that we were having trouble conceiving. We did not seek any extraordinary means. I figured that if God wanted us to have kids - we would. 4 years later, we became pregnant and lost that baby in the 12th week. We were devastated... but our sorrow turned to joy when I was pregnant again only 4 weeks later with our daughter. She is a blessing and a joy and is now almost 17. We were so happy to have had the chance to have this wonderful blessing in our lives, so it never occurred to us to have another child, but when our baby was 8 months old, we found that we were pregnant once again - with our son. It was perfect timing for us because we had a wonderful stable marriage, had traveled, enjoyed being young and unencumbered and came to a point where we could truly appreciate these wonderful new people we created. Its been the best experience of my life. The prospect of them leaving us someday brings tears to my eyes despite the fact that I love to see them grow and progress in abilities and independence. I thank God every day. As I told our daughter just a couple of weeks ago - I have never once for one second been disappointed in her. I've not been the best mother on earth, though I have tried. We make mistakes, doing too little or too much, errors in judgment. Sometimes, I think - oh - this is an Oprah Winfrey moment. I could see us on stage and have the world find out that I ruined my children's lives because I made them come in while their friends were still out or some other such Motherly sin. The one thing they'll always know is that they were loved. Never knew there was so much love, patience and acceptance in me.

    Bookmark   April 12, 2002 at 1:08PM
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We wanted children right away. We didn't get married until we were 30, I thought it would be neat to get pregnant on our honeymoon. We got married in September and in October I went in for a check up and the Dr. found a cyst on one of my ovaries. I had it removed the following January and was told not to get pregnant for 3 months. The fourth month I got pregnant and then lost it after 8 weeks, we waited another four months and I got pregnant again and lost the baby again. We waited another six months and I got pregnant again with my daughter. It does change everything in your marriage but I would have it no other way. Every time I got pregnant my DH would say you should have waited another year when I would be out of my apprenticeship. I said if we wait until we can afford them we will never have children.

We never really talked about when the time was right we just knew that we wanted them. I wanted to start right away because of my age and who knew how long it would take to have one and I didn't want to be too old to enjoy some grandchildren in the future. We did wait until DD was 13 months before we conceived my DS.

    Bookmark   April 12, 2002 at 11:46PM
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Before my DH & I got married we talked about children and we said we would wait a few years after we were married to have children. 4 months after we were married my biological clock kicked in and I wanted children very badly. We talked about it and decided that we wanted to start a family so that when we were in our 40's we would have time for ourselves. I went off of the pill and by the time we were married for 6 months I became pregnant with our first daughter. Three years after that we had our second daughter. We have now been married 26 yrs. and our daughters will be 25 and 22 this yr.

    Bookmark   April 13, 2002 at 12:29PM
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DH and I have decided not to have children (decided before marriage, thankfully). Most of my friends have kids and some are on round 2, so its difficult for us socially, not having any couples like us. I have one friend who waited a few years, but most of my friends were married in their 30s and subsequently had children right away, i.e. within 2 years. The "instant family" life change would freak me out, I would opt to wait if we were to have kids, just so we would know what our marriage would become, as you all know, the relationship evolves!!

    Bookmark   April 15, 2002 at 5:14PM
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i made my decision, when we married 15 yrs ago, it was quick, cindy my wife then girlfriend said to me," if you plan on having children, then marry someone else, because iam not having any, end of discussion!" wasnt a problem as i never wanted children, but i really liked her being upfront and totaly honest.

    Bookmark   April 23, 2002 at 3:34AM
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