Unfaithful before marriage

jcorn59483April 1, 2002

Hi- I'm married (happily, knock wood) but I have a good friend who has been dating a guy for about 4 years now. He seems crazy about her every time we see them together and they are engaged to be married. But she called me and said she found out he'd slept with 3 other women recently. Should she break it off? Is he just sowing a few wild oats before the final commitment or is this a bad sign? My opinion is that this is a very bad sign but...how do others feel?

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RosieL

The writing is on the wall. She knows what she has to do. The commitment to her is not there. It will not be there just because they have fancy party and exchange rings. His word will be then what it is now. Tell her to read "Ten Stupid Things Women DO" by Dr. Laura Schlesinger (sp?). Still time to save herself.

    Bookmark   April 1, 2002 at 6:37AM
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waddles28

I agree if he is not faithful now what is his motivation to stay faithful in the future. I think it is a bad sign that he cannot keep his commitment at this point. I think that the marriage would be doomed before it began.

    Bookmark   April 1, 2002 at 9:26AM
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phyllis_philodendron

I wouldn't be within ten feet of this guy! What's to stop him from cheating on her while they're married (as everyone else has said)? I'm sorry, I'm not perfect, but I find cheating, whether you're married or dating, inacceptable. I would drop him like a hot potato.

    Bookmark   April 1, 2002 at 10:07AM
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Mausie

I'm assuming that it was clear to him that his girlfriend expected a monogamous, commited relationship? If so, she obviously needs to leave him. Not only does he sound like a louse, he is risking her life by potentially exposing her to STDs.

    Bookmark   April 1, 2002 at 11:23AM
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lpolk

Exactly, dump him and get tested!

    Bookmark   April 1, 2002 at 11:55AM
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mary_md7

Should she break it off? How could there possibly even be any question?????

    Bookmark   April 1, 2002 at 12:50PM
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rotny

I agree with everyone else. This guy's not gonna' change. To me, an engagement is as much a commitment as anything else. If he can't keep it in his pants now what's gonna' stop him later?!

    Bookmark   April 1, 2002 at 1:15PM
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jcorn59483

Thanks, that's what I thought too (dump him) but they were dating for four years so I thought I'd ask before I gave her my opinion which is...dump him. It'd be what I'd do in that situation myself.

    Bookmark   April 1, 2002 at 6:34PM
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akaDenise

I agree with everyone else, the solution is pretty obvious! He's a Loser! You friend should dump him before he gives her a disease!

    Bookmark   April 3, 2002 at 10:08AM
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simply_shelia

She needs to move on and find the real man that will be committed completely.

    Bookmark   November 15, 2002 at 9:59AM
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weed30

Is he just sowing a few wild oats before the final commitment

That sowing wild oats thing is total BS. It's cheating plain and simple. As my mom always told me, Leopards don't change their spots. If he's doing it now, he'll continue. She should dump him; no second chances. *MAYBE* if it were only once and he was honestly repentant. But THREE times? NO WAY. NO WAY.

    Bookmark   November 15, 2002 at 10:37AM
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mary_md7

She should kick this guy to the curb. He's a messy divorce waiting to happen, with a lot of heartache (and possibly disease) along the way.

    Bookmark   November 18, 2002 at 1:15PM
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quiltingbunny

Has he/she ever heard of the AIDS epidemic? Gosh, I would not want him anywhere near me. I would definitely be at the docs getting tested and toss the chap.
Bad news.

    Bookmark   January 30, 2003 at 11:47PM
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Dicken

just to clarify things in my own mind: the 'final commitment' took place when he proposed marriage and she accepted.

anything which follows that date/time MUST reflect on the singularity of THAT final commitment, while anything which occurrs prior to that date/time can possibly be excluded from such commitment.

there has to be a time in 'our' relationship which has to be prior to the 'us' of our relationship, and for which faith should not bbe an issue.

-d.

    Bookmark   May 9, 2003 at 12:15PM
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puddlejumper

Perhaps, Dicken. But what happens before marriage is a pretty good indicator of what to expect after the ceremony. After dating for several years, there's an expectation and often an agreement of monogamy. This guy didn't sleep with the women prior to the relationship, he slept with them 4 years into the relationship. This makes him a poor prospect for marriage.

    Bookmark   May 9, 2003 at 2:42PM
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Pashan

Yup, I am going to hop right onto the bandwagon here (if it isn't already overcrowded...) teehee! Your friend should DUMP HIM and run as fast as she can the OTHER direction. Uh, stop at the GYN for a test on the way outta town! :-)

I know dumping is hard to do, but the heartache now isn't nearly what a divorce would be...

P

    Bookmark   May 10, 2003 at 6:47PM
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AMAZING_GRACE

If he had a fling with 3 girls before they were married, He'll have a fling with 30 after they're married!!
RUN, RUN, RUN!!!

    Bookmark   May 11, 2003 at 6:46PM
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mary_md7

How could there possibly even be a question here?

    Bookmark   May 12, 2003 at 3:09PM
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MIStepMom

Here is another perfect example:

My step-daughter moved in with her boyfriend in December. In April she came crying back home because her boyfriend had cheated on her. Now, mind you, he admitted to her early in the relationship that he had cheated on every other girlfriend he had in order to break up with them. Many of his friends told her that he would cheat on her. Her reply; oh no he won't, it is different with us!!!! Well, I guess she should have listened to him and his friends and saved herself alot of heartache.

Once a cheater, always a cheater!!!! Run, Run, Run

    Bookmark   May 12, 2003 at 10:10PM
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FlowergirlDeb2

Please tell your girlfriend that although she IS SPECIAL and unique, that doesn't mean she can "change" him, or that he'll change for her. It's a trap women fall into, we think we can change the mens behavior, but with something like cheating so many times, she truly needs to get herself out of there and find someone she can trust to marry.

    Bookmark   May 13, 2003 at 12:10AM
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deby_do

He didn't just have a fling with 1 woman -- it was with 3 different women! I guess he didn't feel guilty enough to stop with just one -- so he just kept on going! Sounds like a real good catch to me.

    Bookmark   May 17, 2003 at 2:52AM
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downsouth

She must really feel down in the dumps. What is going to make her feel any better on her wedding day with this in the back of her mind? She can do better - dump him! I could never trust him.

    Bookmark   June 6, 2003 at 1:45AM
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lulie___wayne

I would literally run for my life. She's asking for a lot of heartache if she doesn't.
Lu

    Bookmark   June 12, 2003 at 12:42AM
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rosewood42

I agree with most of the posts, READ THE WRITING ON THE WALL, HE'S A CHEATER. Tell her do not waste 4 more years on that idiot. Men do what you allow them to do in relationships. Trust me he had her in mind when he thought about cheating and probably said "ole girl isn't going nowhere even if she does find out". If she is still there after finding out he cheated with 3 other women then he is saying all smug to himself " I knew she wasn't going anywhere". He is going to continue to cheat on her, by her staying with him she is telling him it's ok to cheat.
For goodness sake I hope she doesn't marry the bum.

    Bookmark   January 21, 2006 at 5:57AM
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intherain

I agree with most everyone else here, too. Even though they aren't married yet, he's cheating on her. He's cheating on their relationship. She needs to realize she deserves better than that!

    Bookmark   January 24, 2006 at 1:25AM
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