I'm sorry I worried you

bellegirlMarch 22, 2007

It was so touching that some of you posted with such concern about me in the other thread. I do apologize for worrying you. I get very down from time to time because things are not as I would like them to be. But I know there are many things that are more important than whether I get a hug or have someone to talk to on Saturdays. I know that my little problems are not really the end of the world.

It is very nice of all of you to be so concerned but please don't worry. I have been very depressed before, even suicidal. And I am not right now. I am fighting very hard to avoid going down in that dark place!

As many of you said, I should busy myself about getting some friends and acquaintances so that I will have things to do and people to see. It is really the only way. I know that my husband isn't going to change. And really, I can't demand that he change. He is who he is. I'm the only one I can influence.

It is difficult to find friends, though. There is so little time with my work schedule. And there are so few people that I meet. But it is up to me and I will continue to try. And I'll try not to post things that are scary for you dear people.

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Your words are so familiar to me, I can't begin to tell you. My dear, you are in trouble. And you're going 'round again sooner or later. Please do see someone. The cycle can be broken. Some people handle it themselves. Some people need a hand. Some people lead up-and-down lives. Some people blow their brains out. I have no idea where you are except that stability is not where you live. And if you're worrying me, I'll bet your husband is waaay out front of that whether you know it or not.

Not making fun of you. Not pretending I "know" something I certainly don't know. You're the only one that knows. Just don't be making light of something important is all I'm saying.

    Bookmark   March 22, 2007 at 11:29PM
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Please, please don't apologise, we are here to help, and no problem is too small, or inconsequensial. I think this forum really does help people to speak freely, and annonomously.

I really think concentrating on finding ways to be happy within yourself is the only way to go. In that way, you will always have the resources to be at peace, to be content.

I have battled with happiness over the years, blaming this and that, but really its only within ourselves to find the answers.

Its hard to find help, because, I have found if you speak up, the doctor whips out the prescription pad, and your on anti-depressants before you know it. Then there is the cost of counsellors. Lets face it, its hard to front up to people and sit there and talk about yourself. Particularly if you are a person who doesn't usually speak up.

I just stumbled onto this website, it sounds like something you could become interested it.

All the best to you my friend.


Here is a link that might be useful: My language exchange

    Bookmark   March 23, 2007 at 3:09AM
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Bottom line IMHO, if you have been suicidal in the past and you are feeling as depressed as you sound, you definitely need to be consulting a doctor and yes, probably should be on some medicine or changing the meds you are on.

Simply trying to pysche yourself out of it by doing more things with your friends or keeping busy is probably not going to turn you around since you have had serious bouts before. You need to get some professional help before your depression turns into something you can't handle. People with these kind of mood conditions can usually not just snap out of them themselves. Please, please seek professional help!

Professionals can help fix you and make you feel back to normal! Good luck.

    Bookmark   March 23, 2007 at 9:20AM
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