It's been a struggle. In laws don't respect boundaries and its frustrating.
If I ask them not to feed my pets, they do it anyway, in front of me, behind my back, they do whatever they want, and then they'll lie about it. As if I can't see that my dogs are at their feet eating food they are dropping. We finally decided to kennel our animals anytime they are around since they do not respect anything we say.
I can't cook on my stove without them taking over. They literally push me out of the way and take over. I've lived here for years, and have yet to be able to cook on my stove without them pushing me out of the way. It doesn't matter how many times I tell them "I got it", they persevere. My husband used to argue that they're "just trying to help" --- I explained to him that in my world, no means no. And when someone says no, you respect that. People should not have to say no more than once. Taking over someone's kitchen is not "helping", it's trying to "control" a situation that isn't yours to control. Our marriage counseler put it this way - their intentions are good, their methods are bad. Bottom line, they need to respect boundaries. But they get really defensive. If you try to tell them something, the entire family has to chime in with their defensive attitude and excuses that they're just trying to help, and how I should appreciate that they are trying to help, and how I'm too sensitive. They label EVERYONE who disagrees with them as 'too sensitive', including other "in laws" in the family who express their opinions like me. The "in laws" in their family are the problem, not them (in their eyes). Narcissist???
We invited them on vacation with us. Huge mistake. All I heard the entire vacation was how I wasn't allowed to carry a water bottle. They'd physically grab it from me. I got so irritated, I'm not a child, I don't need anyone's permission to carry my own water bottle. My husband can see that I'm getting irritated, but they persevere. I don't want to ask "Daddy" for my water bottle every time I need to take a drink of water.
Same thing if they are at my house. If I take out the garbage, they talk to my husband like I'm not supposed to be doing that. If I say I have to mow the lawn, they will try to prevent me from doing it. Again, I'm not a child or invalid. I'm an independent woman, and I like my space.
I've visited their home. I was in the shower. They had a guest stop by, and they yelled up the stairs continuously until I came down to greet them. My hair was still wet. In my family, you shower and make yourself presentable before you meet people. You aren't dragged out of the bathroom to "meet" someone. Bathroom is private time. You don't disturb people when they are in the bathroom, and if I can't shower and take care of my personal hygiene when I'm spending the night at someone's home, then I don't want to go there anymore.
If I want to drive my car separate to a family gathering (because they stay until 4 am, but I want to get home at a decent hour), the mean grandmother makes comments that "real families drive together". Seriously? I can't take my own vehicle somewhere without being chastised and ostracized from the family??? They practically force codependence.
The mean sister in laws have absolutely no respect. For ANYONE. They will barge into our bedroom without knocking. They will attempt to "spy" on my husband and I, lurking outside the door if we are having a private conversation. They whisper to other people when I am around. I was not raised in a family where it is acceptable to whisper about anyone, in front of anyone. It's rude.
And the grandmother. Mean spirited. Extremely mean spirited. She will criticize and find fault with everything I do (me and another in-law), and will do it repeatedly. I don't spend holidays with them anymore. It's not fair to me (not to play the "it's not fair" card, but I have self respect, and I don't want to spend my holidays with people who don't have the decency to treat me with the respect I deserve). I have made a meal for her, a favorite meal of hers, and for two years, every time I talked to her, she had to go out of her way to tell me it wasn't good enough for her. I will never make a meal for someone again who is that ungrateful for a meal someone puts in front of them. Completely ungrateful.
I am terrified to bring a child into this overbearing family. My husband is a wonderful person, so unlike them, and he sees it too, but is at a loss how to deal with them. They don't respect anything he says either.
I have been told I shouldn't have animals. Because they don't like animals. I love animals. I've had them my entire life. But for years, I have to hear about how I shouldn't have animals. Since when does my world revolve around what THEY want? And yet, they feed my animals every chance they get. But if I sneeze? Oh boy, then I have to hear about how it's "probably because of the animals".
I don't give two hoots about their opinions about me having animals. This has gone on for years....I can't stand it anymore.