Ok, here's my sad story. I've been married for 24 years. We have not been intimate in any way, since my 18 yr old son was conceived. We also have a 21 yr old daughter. We just let it go. We never talked about it. For myself, I felt ashamed for not pursuing it, but rather I put everything else first. I have been unhappy for years, but I chose to raise my kids together with their father; we built a house together, cared for our parents when they were declining, and shared mutual friends. Now that our parents are gone and our kids are grown, I've been seeing a therapist to figure out how to talk to my husband about how I feel. I finally got up the nerve (I know, pitiful) and I told him I am no longer willng to spend the rest of my life unloved and unloving. He basically said he would have gone on like this forever if I hadn't said anything; I am not willing to do that. He never once attempted to have sex with me in all those years... nor did I. I'm half to blame, of course, and I am the one to choose now to end it. I asked him to come to a therapist with me, even though I know there is no way to mend the sexual rift. I mean if there was any spark or attraction, one of us would have tried a looooong time ago. He declined. He said he hasn't been with anyone else either. But he doesn't think he has a problem, yet he would not have said anything if I hadn't. Really? We are not close in any way. We are parental and financial partners period. We don't touch. We don't even talk. We both work, and when we're home we spend our time in separate living areas, but, amazingly, we still sleep in the same bed. The only time we really spend together is if we're with friends or relatives. They think we're the happiest couple. There's no animosity or abuse, there's just nothing. I told him I want to move out of our bedroom because I no longer want to sleep with my "roommate." He doesn't want me to because it will "look bad". How do I tell my kids now that I want to divorce their father? They've never seen us be affectionate towards one another, but they've also never seen us fight. We don't fight; we just don't talk. I am worried about the feelings of our relatives and friends when they find out we're splitting up. I need to get over so many fears. I want to have a chance at a mutually-loving relationship. I feel paralyzed with fear. I've never even paid a bill on my own. Also, we own this house and he can't afford it on his own. I don't want him to have to move. I'd be the one to leave. He's a great guy. I just don't love him anymore. Well, I love him as a person, as the father of my great kids.. but not as a husband.
I don't know why I'm posting here, but I'd welcome some thoughts on how to proceed. I need a backbone.