I need advice for my mother in law

LullabyF360March 10, 2013

Some legal advice. This is going to be a bit of a long one, so bare with me, folks.

She & my father in law have been married for about 35 yrs (they've quit counting), but they have wanted a divorce pratically since the day they got married. This is her second marriage. From the first she had a daughter & divorced him, because he was a drunk & fooled around. As far as my father in law, this is his fourth marriage. While he was marries to his third wife, he was messing around with his current one. She should have saw this as a red flag. In fact, there are a lot of things I am about to tell you that are her fault.

She was the only one who gave him children (my husband & his younger disabled sister). He had to take fertility medicines in order for this to happen. After their second child, they stopped sleeping together, both literally & sexually. Sometime during the 90s he moved out. He only shows up nce a month to collect his mail, raise a little hell, & then leave. Her neighbors stand by with their phones in hand, ready to call 911. Everytime the cops are called, he is gone before they show up. In one instance, he & my sister in law got into an argument. I don't know what it was about or how it got started. All I know is that she was cleaning up the yard. He hit her in the head with the BB gun he was holding, leaving a cut on her forehead. He was going to hit her again with it when she grabbed a rotten peice of lumber & hit him with it. It was so rotten it shattered into millions of bits & didn't leave a mark on him other than some dirt. When the police arrived, they tried to arrest her! They said because she is mentally disabled, what she did was the equilivant to stabbing someone. Really?!? The neighbors STRONGLY objected, & she was eventually let go. They left without so much as a word to my father in law.

Three years ago, they bought a double wide trailer. He is the bread winner, even though he is retired. My mother in law has to stay at home with my sister in law. She COULD work, but whatever job she finds in our area, all money she makes will go to whoever she hires to watch after her daughter. The payment on the trailer is $750 a month. He give them $1,500 a month. That is to cover the trailer payment, groceries, bills, & gas. There have been times they have had to turn off their water & heater/cooling to shave a bit of money. Supposedly, he said was going to be taking care of the trailer note himself. My sister in law does recieve social security disability, but the majority of that money is used to take care of her animals.

Just recently, while my mother in law & sister in law where grocery shopping, a woman approached them, greeted them nicely, & proceded to inform them that she is the one my father in law has been messing around with. "But it's okay, since y'all are separated," she added. Uumm, no. My in laws, though they have not lived together in over ten years, are not legally separated. Why? Because he refuses to since the papers. Fast forward about a month & someone else tell my mother in law that they heard he is planning on moving that woman & her kids into the trailer. Yes, the double wide they bought three years ago. It is sitting next to the trailer my mother in law & sister in law have lived in since the early 80s. No one is sure how much water this rumor holds.

Now this is the part where I need everyone's help with. My mother in law has tried several times, has gone to several lawyers, to file for divorce. But every single one denies her a divorce, saying HE has to be the one to file for divorce. He won't sign separtion papers, so naturally, he isn't going to sign for a divorce. His reason behind all of his is as follows: he is not leaving anything to anybody when he dies, he wants to F us over as much as he possibly can, because no body gives a *bleep* about him. That was his response when asked why he refuses to file. Now I don't know how any of this goes, but can a lawyer deny her a divorce? I can understand it, possibly, due to her financial situation, but even so. This makes no sense to me, espcially it being EVERY lawyer she has one to.

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What state is she in? I'm in CA and either party can file for the divorce. In most states, an attorney isn't even needed to file. If he has an attorney and there is a lot of money at stake, then it would be advisable to get an attorney. Of course, attorney's in a family law case require a retainer & can never guarantee results. Attorney's can't decide whether someone can get a divorce or not and I've never heard of any state where only the husband can file. That's ridiculous.

    Bookmark   March 11, 2013 at 1:49AM
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Louisiana. As stated above, I don't how this works here. No great deal of money is at stake. The only money coming in for either of them is his retirement from GM, army pension, & social security. All together is adds up to about $8,000 a month, but neither of them an save money. It is usually all gone by the time the month rolls around. & then there is my sister in law's SS. It's not much. She uses it to take care of her animals. No propertynis involved either. They have 13 acres but there is nothing at all special about it. So really the only reason he is refusing to do anything is outnof pure spite.

    Bookmark   March 11, 2013 at 10:30AM
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Google it. Results show either spouse can file so she just needs to call around. She may need money for a retainer for the lawyer.

Any property is important. If he gets awarded the property then that means your MIL and SIL have no where to live, right? I think she would be best served getting an attorney and being guided through the process.

Here is a link that might be useful: Lousiana divorce how to

    Bookmark   March 12, 2013 at 12:11PM
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Hmm..sounds like he might be trying to hold on to his retirement fund?

    Bookmark   March 12, 2013 at 11:41PM
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Are you sure your MIL really wants a divorce? There are a ton of disfunctional motives in play here. If they have been putting up with a crazy situation like this for so long, something else is going on. Counseling is definitey in order! And I would be careful what I step in - you may turn out to be the "bad guy" when the dust settles.

Don't try to divorce without an attorney, ever! Don't they have legal aid there?

They have to shut off water and cooling, but the sisters' disability check goes to support animals?? That is senseless. Disability is taxpayers' money, meant to help people who need it, not a menagerie.

    Bookmark   March 13, 2013 at 1:32PM
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Trust me. My mother in law wants nothing to do with this man. & neither do I or his son or his daughter. I'm like Gini: he's greedy & wants as much money as he can get his hands on. He beat my husband with a pipe after my husband's maternal grandfather left him mineral rights. He spent the night in the ER. No jail time was served. A temporary restraininng order was given, but after it expired, we couldn't get another one. He lost his gun rights sometime during the 90s when he had one of his tantrums in the front yard. He kept pointing his gun at people, mostly his kids. Everytime he shows up to someone house, things go missing. It's always random things at that. We''ve lost a crockpot, a weedeater that had missing parts, rusted up dog kennels, a trash can, a broken broom, gas cans, keys, our checkbook almost. He is always asking to "borrow" money. The last time I saw him was not quite a month ago. He showed up at our house needing help finding out what was wrong with his truck. The owner before him had installed an after market alarm system & this what was ausng everything to short out. When my husband identified the problem, he then expected US to pay to have it fixed. He didn't like it when his son told him no. He went into a rage. We have been building a porch, so there is a lot of lumber & other debris piled up around our yard. He starts throwing things, kicking things, all the while yelling non sense & reminding us we don't deserve anything from him & that we are all good for nothing. I grew up with a family just as disfunctional as his, so my tolerance for this kind of crap is very, very low. I went into the house, grabbed my PS90 (put the name in so everyone will believe me when I say the following) & walked back out onto the porch. I told him "This thing holds fifty rounds. You have two options: shut the hell up or get off my property. Other wise, I'M making you shut up." He gave me a filthy look before he got into this truck & left. I knew of him before I met my husband, so my opinion of his was low.

As far as my sister in law goes, even with out the animals, her check wouldn't be able to cover the bills. The rates in that area are high. I know. I used to live there. She was granted full custody (I don't the correct term) over her SS after her father was caught sifering the money. She is well over the age of 18. Besides, she is mentally retarded. If she wants a few animals to take care of, then by all means let her have some freaking pets.

There is legal aid here, but they only do the divorce, no allemony, childsupport, that kind of thing. My mother in law is wanting allemony.

    Bookmark   March 13, 2013 at 11:01PM
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I don't understand...if he has income of 8 grand a month, why is everyone so destitute?

I know a man who refused to get a divorce because he didn't want his "ex" to get her 50% share of his retirement. Perhaps your FIL plans to wait til it's spent before he divorces?

    Bookmark   March 14, 2013 at 3:56PM
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This family needs:
1. a lawyer
2. a psychiatrist
3. a social worker
4. a contract for a reality show

    Bookmark   March 15, 2013 at 12:43AM
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