Is this what life over 50 is suppose to be like?

StreichKApril 18, 2014

I am 52 years of age - and probably smack into the menopause / night sweat gig. I was ok dealing with this but then came. . .
1. The great recession that took my income down 60%
2. Got work with a corporation that only decided to freeze incomes for 3 years then laid us off.
3. Had a husband going through a 30-day addiction treatment center. Only to have him come home and take a part-time job for the past 6 years while I always had the primary income job.
4. Now he tells me I am overweight (Fat), a little crazy and that my attitude stinks. The more he keeps saying it seems to be becoming my reality especially since I am having trouble finding my place back into a meaningful career.

So - We never had kids (never found out why-so not blaming one or the other) but is it really me? Is it the menopause hormone thing or is it that I am starting to believe the 'crazy' person I have been living with all these years and he is helping take me down the tubes?

I just want to run away or drive off to never never land - Please tell me that this too shall pass.

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calisha46

Have you ever tried attending Al-anon meetings? They've been really helpful for me in dealing with similar issues. They kinda make you feel a little less crazy. There are meetings everywhere.

    Bookmark   April 21, 2014 at 1:46PM
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emma

I am sorry you are going through this. You are the only one who can stop it, by redirecting your thoughts to pleasant things. Listen to good music, read uplifting books, watch movies that make you feel good. take a nature walk. I was very unhappy and lonely in my marriage until my Mom told me I was dwelling on my husbands faults. She said I need to turn my thoughts to the good things he does and she was right. That advice helped in other situations also. As silly as it sounds, I stopped my tension headaches by playing Nintendo. I could not play the game and think of anything else.

    Bookmark   April 21, 2014 at 7:45PM
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chickadee4

Pamper yourself!!

Life in your fifties is focusing on your plan .
You can plan on accepting the changes or choose to make each day fun.
I went to bed aged 51 and awoke feeling 100 four years ago. I was irritable, depressed, angry, sore, tired, and searching for answers.
My discussions with the orthopedics , my GP and the gynecologist was nonproductive and frankly scary. The Internet offered me a better insight with why I was feeling so lousy , depressed and slipping into a negative state.

Having always focused on the kids, hubby and home I decided I need to focus on myself so I wrote myself an email listing all my complaints and things I should be grateful . I found myself watching all the women at the grocery store . I seriously looked in the mirror noting what changes I could make that benefits me. The focus was placing me on the top of my to do list.

Your hormones are what make your skin supple, your joints flexible , your mental state balanced and your tendons pliable. It took me a few years to realize I had entered menopause early. All the medical personnel missed the dx cause I stopped my cycles at age 45.

Place the focus on what would make you feel pretty.
Get your eyebrows waxed. I can no longer hold eyeglasses and trim my brows.
Color your hair every six weeks. I use l'oreal every six to eight weeks religiously . Drove me crazy to hang out in the hair salon for three hours and pay a 300 tab. Do what works for you but do it.
Lose weight! I found cutting out bread allowed me to drop five pounds. No I was not on a diet but just ate no wheat products.
Walk and stretch daily! The lose of hormones makes your tendons brittle .
Tight tendons pull on muscles which pull on bones. Several times a day I stretch my hamstrings, arms and back. Seriously takes a few minutes and I feel wonderful.
Google hamstring and back exercises . Just doing a few daily will make you feel great.
Change your diet. I eliminated bread and added flaxseed, unfiltered apple cider vinegar and calcium with vitamin D to my regimen.
Lastly have sex! I have absolutely zero interest but I understand that my husband does. I use the romp in the bedroom as ways to get a body massage. Maybe tmi but it works. I don't tell him but I think of what I need around his needs.
Put yourself first.
Lose weight for your benefit.

If you are ever in the north east and see a fifty? old woman returning her shopping carts and five more it is moi! I purposely park the car a distance and return carts . The extra ten minutes walking and pushing heavy carts keeps me trim and in shape.
Make a plan for you . Lose three pounds and then look to do three more.
Do things that make you smile.

Seriously was crawled up in the fetal position until I decided I want to live and how can I make this better.
Start today .

    Bookmark   May 1, 2014 at 11:37AM
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anele_gw

I stumbled upon this-- WHY is your DH saying you are fat? Is he genuinely concerned or being mean?

    Bookmark   May 1, 2014 at 11:43AM
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lostnj

Well said chickadee4. You made me smile!!!!

    Bookmark   May 5, 2014 at 5:10PM
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emma

I have another suggestion and I speak of it because of seeing it when out shopping. Please don't take offense. Dress well and I don't mean expensively. Look in the mirror when you get dressed, if it makes you feel bad, you need to change your style. Wear clean loose fitting clothes, no tight sweats/knits. Wear slacks or jeans with a t shirt or tank top and an over shirt or loose sweater that you leave open. Wear pretty colors then look in the mirror. You will be surprised at the difference it makes. I saw a lady at a pizza parlor who was dressed so nicely I walked away thinking how nice she looked, not how "fat" she was and she was close to 250 to 300lbs. I told her as I went by "you look very nice" and she returned the compliment.

    Bookmark   May 6, 2014 at 2:47PM
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Hear-some

Thanks for your post - life over 50 is a challenge!! Re-evaluating life seems to come along with the crashing fatigue, hot flashes, poor sleep...
I try to spend my valuable time with people who make me laugh - coincidentally not DH.
I plan to make serious changes in my life over the next 5 years in response to this menopause hormone thing.
Please take good care of yourself.

    Bookmark   May 11, 2014 at 2:41PM
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