I can't stand people!!!

rosajoe_gwApril 8, 2010

I have never been a really big joiner. I worked well with others and was a manager for many years, but once I was off work it was my time.

I enjoyed my 2 granddaughters very much and now they are teens.

My husband of 10 years is good to live with. We retired and moved to a small town and the one neighbor behind me drove me nuts.

They moved and I waited 2 months to even say hello to the new neighbor because of the lack of privacy from the last. This one is even worse!!! She is constantly looking for a babysitter. We gave her numbers of sitters and she always has 'emergencies' and asks me to watch the kids. The little boy is special needs and when they fight he will not listen to me, or even when they are not fighting for that matter!

I can not go outside that she and the kids do not come out to talk. The little girl wants to come over and visit all of the time. I have explained to the lady that I am busy and even told her I am going through menopause, but she just doesn't seem to get it. She is very needy and likes to vent. I can't deal with that right now.

The doc's office next to us was sold and a vet has started a business. He has let his beautiful dog and 2 year old stray over to my patio 3 times. We do have a leash law and I do not want the dog pooping in my yard. Or the 2 year old getting hurt. We are getting a privacy fence but still have things we want to do to the back yard first.

Now I feel like I am being stalked at the gym. The lady lives alone and doesn't like it, has no hobbies, and doesn't garden etc. She takes trips with friends but she appears to be like my neighbor and wants someone around at all times.

I don't.

I have started to ignore my neighbor and go back inside when they come out. The vet, I was nice to the first 2 times the kid and dog came over but the last time I was not.

We just had a fam reunion for Easter and my dad always gets snippy when he can't control everything. The building was so hot and my sis' alarm didn't go off so she was stressed and grouchy. My other sis left because he snapped at her for moving some of the tables he had arranged. My niece was 2 hours late and of course we waited on her as everyone complained. She was fighting with her husband.

And my other sister is visiting next week so we are having ANOTHER get together after a day of shopping, eating out, and what ever.

This one will not be as big thank goodness.

I am 57 and hopefully almost through with menopause. I can say that for the most part it has been bearable. I exercise for the stiffness and meditate.

But everything still stresses me and I do not want to deal with people. I honestly believe I could live as a hermit lol.

I am so glad I am retired, my heart goes out to women still working going through this.

Has anyone gotten to the point where they just can't stand the human race??? I know I am way too sensitive but right now I can not deal with anyone.

Thank goodness hubby gives me some space and listens to me complain lol!!!!

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Yes I have.. sometimes. I figure it like this.
After so many years
we get to know ourselves. Some people are people persons
and some are not. I bet you don't read People Magazine either. Some are other motivated. People can be exhausting


    Bookmark   April 10, 2010 at 10:55PM
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I understand your feelings. After years of thinking that there was something wrong with me for preferring my own company to that of just about anyone else, I've finally learned that it's okay if not everyone likes me or thinks I'm "nice." I get so annoyed when someone tries to talk me into doing something I've already said I don't want to do, like going to a social gathering or joining an organization or club of some type. Anyone that is rude enough to not politely accept my "Thanks for asking, but I'm really not interested," and leave it at that is not worth my time. At this point in my life I know myself and I take care of myself. I think that perturbs others who feel they have to be validated by constant socializing and activity in order to avoid being alone in their heads.

    Bookmark   April 11, 2010 at 11:14AM
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I am also very impatient with others, but I still have to work full time so I knew I needed help. Since HRT has become so unpopular among doctors and I still have a lot of stresses in my life and work, I asked for an antidepressant. I'm not depressed so much as stressed with everything, and she gave me a prescription for Lexapro. I don't feel like a different person, but it helps me have more patience and understanding than I normally feel towards annoying people.

I'm 58 and have been going through menopause since I was 49-does it EVER end? Some days are better than others, I don't have very many hot flashes anymore, and the ones I do have are not the real flamers like I had in the beginning. I have actually come to the realization that menopause is a blessing. At first I was sad knowing that I would never have another child. Now I'm ecstatic knowing I will never have another child. Try to find the good in it, avoid your neighbors if you want to, run the vet's dog off with a broom, but try not to traumatize the little girl. Get that fence built ASAP and tell your DH that it is for your sanity. He knows you, he'll understand.

    Bookmark   April 14, 2010 at 9:58AM
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I try not to traumatize the adults either lol!!! I just wave and go inside when they come out.
I just went out earlier and the neighbor came out so I just waved and came inside.
Both neighbors are in their 40's and have small children. Can you imagine going through menopause with teens??
Seriously considering the antidepressants, I have found exercise does help.
Does it ever end, I wonder too.

    Bookmark   April 15, 2010 at 3:39PM
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I've had a very short fuse with people for a while now and I'm sure its the symptoms of menopause that are causing it. I do seem to be angry all the time and the tiniest things can set me off. the strange thing is I'm ok with my husband but my teenage kids can make me really mad. Also, I work with the public and some of the stupid things they do just make me want to scream. My daughter said to me recently.."Mum, You hate everyone". And she's not wrong. I cant remember being like this when I was younger, but since I hit my 40s and all the unexplained aches, pains,fatigue etc I am so pissed off with the world. I have resigned myself to the fact that I am not the person I was. Maybe I need antidepressants. This has to end cos the thought of feeling like this for the foreseeable future is terrifying. Thanks for letting me let of some steam.

    Bookmark   April 16, 2010 at 2:54PM
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You can get to the point when good manners don't work. When she comes to the door don't answer it. Screen your calls, don't pick up the phone if it is her. Tell her you are busy and don't have time to baby sit or visit. Always have your purse handy and say you've been invited to lunch.

Lie, lie, lie.

I was raised never to lie, but found I had to when it came to baby sitting. Our kids didn't want to leave their babies with strangers. They wanted me full time and I would have eventually raised 9 grand children. My husband would have left me at home and go do all the things we usually do together.

    Bookmark   May 1, 2010 at 3:03PM
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I've got a neighbor that loves to talk to my husband everytime he steps out the door it's got to be some kind of communication going on with her. I like to get me a privacy fence because the houses are too close. Since I am menopauseing I am going thru this stage of being jealous insecure and just wanting to run away sometimes. I am guick to get mad. Last week I caught my husband talking to her and she told me that I wasn't the only women on the block that my husband could talk to. I got hot over that and my husband said he didn't see nothing wrong with speaking to our neighbor. She doesn't want me talking to her husband why should she talk to mine? I would like for my husband and I to be left alone period. Any suggestions?

    Bookmark   May 13, 2010 at 8:57AM
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Unlike all you who have posted here I have always been a hater. (That's what my son calls it.) I need more privacy than most people, I always have. Next door neighbors who practice hypocrisy make me crazy. Any one who thinks she has the right to demand my attention makes me crazy. I make the rules for me, all rules all the time about everything. I work on disassociating so I don't wind myself up though. What other people do or say has no bearing on me. And my husband died young years ago so I don't have a buffer. (Boy I miss him.)
I wish I could have you all as neighbors. I wish we could just practice a little restraint with each other and let us each make our own personal decisions about whom and when we want to be friendly. I like people just fine when they do what I want!!!!! (That must be the menopause talking.) I can be friendly, on my own terms. I can be calm, when I'm well rested and I have the time. I work on taking supplements to have energy, I run everyday (THAT really hurts!) I even take 5HTP & St John's wort to relax. I meditate and use a fan to block outside noise so I can sleep and I practice telling myself even my rude neighbors have the right to be whomever they choose. I'm getting better. I think I am anyway and who cares what anyone else thinks. I'm 50 this year and I'm finally losing the weight I've gained in the last 5 years before I knew what peri-menopause was!!!! I still get the headaches but not as often and I have the hot flashes under control. I actually forget what I'm doing from one second to the next so that's my next priority. I've been taking MACA for that. Does anyone have any other suggestions?

    Bookmark   June 9, 2010 at 10:51AM
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I just love this Forum! I think too that it's not just menopause affecting us. I think we're just at that age we know who we are and don't almost don't care what the neighbors (and etc.) think. I use to bend over backwards to meet neighbors, do things for family, help co-workers, etc. Now, I make my husband and myself my priority. Even though I continue to "surge" through it all! I just don't worry about what others think anymore.

    Bookmark   June 9, 2010 at 1:42PM
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Wow, can I relate to all of you!.. I'm happiest in my own company & if I have to be around people, I'm pretty picky... I just got a new neighbor about 6 weeks ago, & right off the bat she decided we should be buddies... I try to be a good neighbor, but I do have limits... & she really tested them for a month or so... she'd come over & bang on my kitchen window instead of knocking on the door... grrrrrr... so I closed the curtains, & I think she's gotten the hint... a couple of times she came over & I just didn't answer the door (rather, the window).. I hate being a prisoner in my own house, hate having to hide or run back in when I see her heading this way... before she stopped being such a pest, I was trying to figure out how I could tell her off without making an enemy... oh, & did I mention she's an alcoholic, plastered in the middle of the afternoon most days...

Ahhhh, it feels good to let all that out!..

    Bookmark   July 10, 2010 at 4:23PM
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I'm at a point in my life (I'm 55) where I don't enjoy being around people. I've never been a social butterfly or a joiner, but I've become more and more uncomfortable in social situations, even with my friends. I feel like I can't hold a conversation, and I'm always afraid of saying something wrong. Work is becoming more of an effort. I don't know if menopause is exacerbating what I've always felt.

    Bookmark   July 26, 2010 at 9:09AM
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cheerful I'm with you. I complain I don't have friends, but when I meet someone who may be good company I think oh boy here we go I have to be "on" for someone. I find it exhausting and I'd rather just be with my husband and kids. It's to the point where I don't want to even greet my kids' friend's parents at the door. I saw a door mat at Marshall's today and it said, "Go Away." I had to laugh. I never thought I'd feel like this! Menopause? It might have something to do with it. I don't know.

    Bookmark   August 5, 2010 at 11:34PM
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Oh boy, did this thread ever hit home. I'm 55 and I suppose I've gone through menopause already but I don't really know. Had a hysterectomy (ovaries were left in) when I was thirty. I've never had hot flashes, I've always cried at everything, my joints have ached for a dozen or more years which I just figured came from running a ranch, riding horses and gardening and just plain age. I'm not a social butterfly, never have been. Prefer my own company thank you, and please don't knock on my door unless you've called first. And Lord help any solicitor that comes to my door. Sometimes I'm civil, sometimes I ask for their address so I can come knock on their door when they don't want me and some times I just slam the door in their face. I go crazy when a salesperson follows me around a store asking if 'I need help' every 30 seconds. I tell them, nicely the first time 'No Thank You' but when they start coming back every 60 seconds or so I tell them 'if I want your help I'll tell you!'. My children tell me that is rude, then for a second I feel bad, then I don't give a carp. I don't want to join any clubs and most people who know me have just given up on asking.

Thank goodness my neighbors are not social butterfiles either, a hi and a wave is usually sufficient. I'm also not the type of person that can lie just to make it easier on myself, mostly because the lie only holds so long and then their back. I have told neigbors in the past that I'm just not a social person and that's usually all it takes. Don't get me wrong most people think of me as a friendly person. And I am. Just as long as you stay out of my space and don't intrude on my life.

I could relate and understand all of your posts but it was jarielle's that really had me saying "Me too Me too!", oh that and sameboat's remark about the " Go Away" welcome mat. I got mine at Wally World. It makes me smile everytime I walk in the front door.

Thank you all for allowing me to vent and to realize I'm not the only one out there, because I did.


    Bookmark   August 15, 2010 at 4:28PM
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LOL!!! I loved reading the posts!!! I hope this makes you laugh!!
The neighbor is a stay at home mom and a military wife in her 40's (this is his 3rd deployment by choice). Her grass and weeds are 5 foot high around the chain link fence, she only mows around the chairs and toys. I cut my grass myself for 20+ years with a push mower and she can't cut hers with a riding mower.
The latest was her children waiting on our doorstep because she wasn't home and told them to wait in the garage (120 degrees????) for her to come home and they coundn't get the garage door open.
We had been shopping and the boy was mad because we were not home (special needs). Both of them were sweaty from walking around looking for some place to stay.
Her water bill went up 3 times the norm and she thinks someone is stealing her water so she called the police. Our small town has a prob keeping water meter readers so it is not checked each month, we watch ours. Hubby was home 2 months ago and they bought an above ground pool, didn't call to let the city know to adjust the sewer part so when the water increased so did the sewer. I tried to explain that to her but she doesn't get it. Why would anyone want to steal her water, we don't live in a water deprived area lol!!!!!
One of my pet peeves are people showing up unannounced and that happens a lot here.
Hope everyone is having a stress free day!!!!!!

    Bookmark   September 29, 2010 at 12:54PM
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I used to be the type who wanted to be out and visiting all of the time (boy, that was a longgg time ago)- the last few years, it's like...leave me alone, already-lol. If I could go off and live in the woods, I think I would, lol- and it's such a funny thing, because when I'm around people in public, I'm the friendliest thing around- but I don't have people over to "visit", I definitely don't interact with the neighbors (thank heavens), it's just a "wave" usually- truth is, I hardly know who I am anymore- and wish I had spent as much time studying up on the effects and symptoms of menopause, as I know about pregnancy and childbirth- because this business just hit me right between the eyes- what a misery!

    Bookmark   October 20, 2010 at 8:48AM
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Hi ladies. I can relate to all this too. I am also the most friendly sociable person around when i feel like it but there are times when I just want to spend a whole heap of time on my own, can anyone tell me though, does this apply to your family too? My husband is the lovliest man you can imagine but there are times when everything he says or does just drives me insane! I am so intolerant and feel so bad afterwards. I know I am being really mean but i just cant help it!!!

    Bookmark   October 21, 2010 at 7:29AM
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Yes it does apply to your fam too lol!!!!!!! I have a big am and there are several that I love but the entire conversation is negative and all about what is physically wrong with them and others in the fam.
I try to steer the conversation to another area, but it doesn't always work.
After 3 weekends of family get to gethers I skipped the reunion on my dad's side. Several of the members are fighting over something that happened many years ago and they just can't left go of it!
My hubby is also a great man but we are all different so I just try very hard to over look things.
One of my sisters said it's time I visit her on the coast for a weekend of venting and relaxing with no men or kids. I think she is right!!!

    Bookmark   October 26, 2010 at 5:41PM
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