Don't know where to post

momof3_stepof1March 16, 2011

My problem is with my brother. He is married to an evil evil woman. I really believe she is psychotic and got this from her mother who is also an evil woman. My brother and his wife first started dating somewhere around 8 years ago. She became pregnant almost right away. I really didn't even know her yet when this happened. Anyway, my mom, sister and I were very good to her. Her mom threw her down the stairs after becoming pregnant (she was 18) and was constantly throwing her out of her house. My mom took her to the emergency room after she was thrown down the stairs. I also offered to let her stay with me. We had a baby shower for her which her mom and family refused to show up for. Her mother hated my brother at the time. Once the baby was born, I had him almost every weekend so that the two of them could go to work. I also have 4 boys, at the time they were 18 months, 3, 4 and 9. So, you can see that that was a lot for me to take on, but I did it for them, plus I love my nephew.

This all went on for some time. About 18 months or so. Everything was fine. Then all of a sudden, bam...... I didn't get my nephew anymore, her mom did. I basically wasn't allowed to watch him anymore. I promise, I didn't do anything wrong. He was well taken care of. By the time my nephew turned 3 they finally got engaged. I was so excited and told them so. I was so happy for them. Before then engagement they had a few breakups, she wanted to live on her own to prove to herself she could do it.... well, I don't consider living off welfare as proving you're taking care of yourself, but whatever. They both had a few other dates etc. Back to the engagement. I was HAPPY for them. She decided she needed to wait another two years before they'd actually get married. Fine, whatever. During this two years I started noticing during family functions she'd constantly berate my brother in front of everyone. She was always yelling at him, calling him a dumby, calling him other names, ect. My brother bought EVERYTHING for my nephew yet when it came to tax time she always claimed him because "he'd spend the money on dumb things". They always had separate accounts, still do. She's a waitress at Pizza Hut, He's a manager for Coke. Gee..... who makes more money here? Plus he's always worked part time at Pizza Hut as well. He's always bought her big extravagant gifts.

When it came time for the wedding she and her mom took off with it. Our family wasn't allowed to have anything to do with it. They spent thousands of dollars that her mom took from her dads 401K to pay for it. Everyone of her family members had a part in the wedding to include her brother's wife. Our family, nothing. They even had seating charts for the ceremony.... YES, which pews we were to sit in!!!! She has a thing for my dad's side of the family but hates my moms. My moms family has always done more for us then my dads. She sat them all at the back. She refused to allow my sister to bring her boyfriend, whom she was having a baby with to the wedding. My sister brought him anway. Through the line at the end she turned her back at my sister and wouldn't speak to her. Oh.... and they had security officers at the ceremony!!!! For REAL!! A county sherriff's deputy was there to supervise. Here's the kicker there... my sister is a STATE POLICE OFFICER!!! We really needed the security there to hold off the other police from doing anything drastic!!

Her mom and my mom have worked together part time for years. My mom finally had to transfer because she was so tired of having to hear bad remarks about her son and our family. Oh, and everytime I'd go into that work place Id get a dirty look from her mom. I didn't even know her yet. Why the dirty looks? Cause she's evil.

During the whole wedding thing, I actually finally vented about how I didn't like how she and her mother were treating my family. I really let her have it. I was done. Couldn't take anymore. She of course retaliated blah blah. I'm very protective of my family and I won't let anyone treat us like this.

So.... wedding's over. I went, didn't want to but I did. My sister didn't go to the reception because she didn't feel wanted. I understand her point. We all try REALLY REALLY hard to get along with new sister in law. I've invited them to my home (I moved 2 hours away) probably 100 times in the past 4 1/2 years. They ALWAYS have an excuse not to come. So, they've never came. Family functions... NOPE, they don't go, unless it's for my dad's family.... then maybe! I literally saw my brother 20 minutes last year!! 20 fricken minutes!! Woohoooo!! My kids miss their uncle (before her, he was the absolute BEST uncle EVER)..... I miss my brother.

So... he's having "issues" with anxiety. He says he can't go anywhere without being "sick". She tells my dad's entire family it's my mom's fault. They of course believe her because my parents are divorced. Plus she kisses their butts. If it was my mom's fault, wouldn't my sister and I both have the same issues? One would think so right? So, he NEVER go anywhere except work. He's ALWAYS sick with "flu". IF she gets him out of the house, he won't ride in the car with her or the kids, he drives separate. He's seriously loosing his mind because of this woman!! She posts things on facebook about us ALL the time but has since blocked all of us to include my 15 year old son. How pathetic right?

Recently they had another baby. OMG, like they needed that!! I'd love to see my nephew but I can't. I can't go over there and I can't see the pictures because they're on her facebook, even the ones with my brother tagged we can't see because they are hers. Before the most recent "blocking" my mom could see her profile pic. She sent her a message stating that she really liked the picture. Sis in law responds with "never contact me again"..... My mom prints message out and takes it to my brother. Sis in law throws my mom out of the house and tells her if she ever comes back she'll call the cops. Remember.... my sis is a cop. hahahahaha!! Anyway.... so she blocks all of us.

Now she hijacked my brother's facebook and wrote that they are moving to Hawaii. Like we can't see through that.... Anyway, I've wrote my brother an email and told him how I feel. I told him until his mother is welcome in his home, his wife isn't welcome in mine... not that they'd ever come to it anyway. He's obviously being emotionally and pyschologically abused. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid of him being suicidal. He was crying when she threw my mom out but couldn't say anything.

I'm sorry this is so long, does anyone have any advice?

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asolo

Well, that's a fine mess. Understand why you don't much care for it. However, from what you wrote I don't see that you have any power or ability to make any of it any different. Other people's lives. Appears to me you're going to have to care from a distance.

Sorry about your brother and his kids but I'd suggest more distance. I don't see any savior opportunities in what you described.

Unless you enjoy the drama, which it seems to me you do....at least a little bit. If that's what's going on, please disregard all above.

    Bookmark   March 17, 2011 at 12:01AM
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momof3_stepof1

I HATE the drama!!! And you are right. I made the decision last night that they are no longer in my life. I cannot continue to worry about him or put up with her crap.

    Bookmark   March 17, 2011 at 9:19AM
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suzieque

Agree. It's your brother's lot to change if he wants it to. He may be crying and unhappy, but he's not changing it. You can love him and care about him, but you can't fix him.

And don't carry on or get engaged in arguments, rants, gossip, triangularizaion, or anything that gives credibility to the evil one's (and her family's) position about you. Don't let them mold your own behavior. Be bettr than that.

    Bookmark   March 17, 2011 at 9:44AM
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lonepiper

This sounds eerily similar to the saga of my brother and sister-in-law. Their youth, the baby, our dedication to them all (specifically the baby) and yet time and time again she used my nephew as bait to make us jump through hoops. And we jumped - over and over and over again. After about five years of threats on her part, despair and terror on ours, it stopped. I don't know exactly what happened, if perhaps she finally matured or if she finally realized that no matter what horrible thing she did to us we would continue to keep the peace in order to be a part of their and my nephew's life. Back then I would grit my teeth and smile but deep down I truly hated her for what she was doing. Now she is my best friend. It was difficult but well worth the fight.

    Bookmark   April 5, 2011 at 11:39PM
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