Reptile vs amphibian!

scarlett2001March 19, 2008

Senseless argument for the evening last night: have you seen the TV commercial for Geico Car Insurance? Their animated logo or spokes-creature or whatever is the Geico Gecko.

So I came home tired from work and this is on TV. First DH is unhappy because his email to me did not go through. He emailed my name @ mywork FOUR DOTS com. I explained that I have never seen any email address with FOUR DOTS, but he wanted to argue that so I just went to the kitchen and made myself a drink.

So now the Geico gecko commercial is on TV and it annoys DH because it is a reptile. And here is where I fell into the trap. I said, conversationally, "Isn't a gecko an amphibian?" Okay, as it turns out, it IS a reptile. No skin off my nose, I don't give a flying rip what it is. But now I have to listen to this RANT about what is the difference between a reptile and an amphibian, and amphibians are part of the class of reptiles, anyway (which they are not) so therefore even a frog is really a reptile and on and on. etc, etc. etc.

Suddenly something happened to me. I don't really know, but I had the strongest feeling that I was outside of the room, looking at the two of us as though we were actors on a stage and I was watching from a balcony or something! Weird! And then I completely lost my temper and told him I am so weary of his Effing senseless arguments that I could die. And a lot of other ugly stuff.

Is this normal? It kind of scared me. I hope I don't go into this weird trance thing again and come to with a poker in my hand and a corpse in front of me. Just kidding!

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asolo

Yo, Scarlett..this is kind of nuts. What do you think underlies the trivial surface? Clearly something other than this isolated dispute is going on. And I suspect must have been for some time. Some kind of repressed festering resentment at work?

    Bookmark   March 19, 2008 at 1:23PM
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lindac

You popped off at him for messing up your email address, so he found your mistake in calling a gecko a reptile, which is is...
Tit for tat!
Figure out why you need to put him down by pointing out his errors and why he needs to put you down and your problems are solved.
Lidna C

    Bookmark   March 19, 2008 at 2:08PM
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scarlett2001

Yes, something other than reptiles/amphibians is making him so angry-but what!? He doesn't work, so it is not that. I have tried to find out many times but he says nothing is wrong. He's happy with his life, he's happy with me. He says.

LindaC- I did not say anything challenging to him about the emails. I was completely nice. Really walking on eggs for these last many months until I snapped last night. I always go out of my way to avoid a fight - don't like disharmony at home, there's enough of that in the workplace.

    Bookmark   March 19, 2008 at 3:53PM
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popi_gw

"Is this normal? It kind of scared me. I hope I don't go into this weird trance thing again and come to with a poker in my hand and a corpse in front of me. Just kidding!"

I have had times like that, I am ashamed to admit, so it has to be normal !! Or we are both going mad, Scarlett. Only two, in my whole life.

I think, with me...its to do with time of the month, teetering around menopause, and unresolved conflict, or just general disappointment with how my life has turned out.

Its not nice, its upsetting, and its hard to find sympathy from someone.

So how do I cope with this...taken up meditation, just really trying to be a happier person who does not stress as much about dumb things.

Is this any help to you Scarlett ?

P

    Bookmark   March 19, 2008 at 5:06PM
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lindac

You may have "nicely" pointed out to him that no normal email address has more then one "." before the "com"...and he knew it was a stupid mistake and felt challenged.....so he pointed out to you that a gecko is an annoying reptile....and you committed the simply awful sin of saying it was an amphibian....and gave him the opportunity to get back at you for pointing out his dumb error with the email address by pointing out to you how stupid you are not to know a reptile from an amphibian.
As has been said, this is not about reptiles nor email addresses but about you challanging each other and both looking to pick an arguement.
Why do you do that?
Linda C

    Bookmark   March 19, 2008 at 5:16PM
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scarlett2001

Yes, Popi, that was very helpful. I have to work with crazy people all day, so at home I would just about do anything to keep the peace. It upsets me a lot when I lose control like that. In the family I grew up in, there was just constant bickering and fighting. Plates were always flying through the air, I would wake up in the morning hearing screaming and go to sleep hearing it, too. My parents just had their 70th anniversary and they are still at it. We visited them last summer and I had to stop my 86 year old mother from braining my 92 year old dad with a clock. That is not the life for me!

    Bookmark   March 19, 2008 at 7:12PM
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Jonesy

Ahh, it's so peaceful at my home. I can't figure out why my friends are disparately hunting someone to marry.

    Bookmark   March 19, 2008 at 8:02PM
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popi_gw

Scarlett

I feel sad for you, sounds very stressful.

Do you think you are going down the same road of behavior that your parents are still on ?

Its not a life for you, life can be better.

    Bookmark   March 19, 2008 at 8:34PM
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amyfiddler

Out of body experience - that's when whatever is happening is so overwhelming that your 'self' cannot handle the emotion, so it leaves the body and simply observes.

It's the nicest thing you can do for yourself when things are too too intense.

This often happens to kids when they're being sexually abused.

    Bookmark   March 19, 2008 at 11:49PM
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scarlett2001

Whoa, now, Amyfiddler - what do you mean by "out of body"?? WHAT was out of my body? Is this some kind of 4th dimension thing? Is it dangerous? Am I losing it?

Hey, can I do it voluntarily - I have a really long meeting today and would love to escape...

    Bookmark   March 20, 2008 at 12:32PM
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amyfiddler

Are you losing what?
"It" is not dangerous. It indicates that your mind cannot handle the emotions of the situation.

The situation needs to change, or your interpretation of the situation needs to change. That's all.

Knowing you are wasting your time trying to get anyone else to change, why not talk to a counselor who specializes in relationships, and find out how you contribute to this dance?

Wouldn't it be great if you and your husband were to fall in love again? It will start with you - Good luck.

I don't think you're losing your mind, if that's what you are asking. It's just coping.

    Bookmark   March 20, 2008 at 2:04PM
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carla35

I think she was being a little sarcastic, amy.

scarlett,

You've have quite a few posts on this forum almost on the same sort of thing. I remember the Christmas light thing where your husband plugged the lights into the wall still in the box so you served him raw food. You acted like it was funny, but it still sounds to me more like it's a little passive aggressive on both your parts.

I'm not really sure what the answer is, but someone has to at least try to break the adversarial relationship. I would suggest you start. I would suggest you seriously try to treat him like he's someone else that you respond gentler too.. act like he's your child, your boss, your best friend. When he acts stupid about e-mail, just say "Oh, I guess I could see how you thought that" (Even if you can't see how he could be so dumb, just try to be overly nice) not "What, were you born on Mars, why would you think that?".

It sounds like you are in a very challenging competitive reltionship which can be exciting in ways, but if you are always trying to compete and out do one another, or always have to be the right or smarter one and often respond sarcastically, etc... after a while no one is happy. Try "kindness" instead of trying to be right or knocking your husband down to size whenever you can. Kindness can work wonders.

If it doesn't help, and it's very constant and abusive, and you really don't think you are contributing to his negativity towards you, I wouldn't totally rule out your husband possibly having a mood or personality disorder.

    Bookmark   March 20, 2008 at 4:19PM
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finedreams

oh sounds familiar...

whenever I feel resentful toward SO over something (more than often over his DDs :() I start argument about something senseless and whenever he is angry about something work related, finances, kids or exwife related, he picks up argument similar to "gecko". Also we both are very competetive people and sometimes it is all about winning and proving who is right and who is smarter.

SO says that soemtimes I have to let him win to make him feel good isntead of proving my points (because most of the time I win "gecko" type arguments lol). I also start these kind of arguments when I miss my daughter more than usual, her being away to college.

Also whenever we both are tired and stressed that's when these stupid arguments happen like Friday night for example.

so my point is it is almost always nothing to do with "gecko" but is about something else whatever that else is...

    Bookmark   March 20, 2008 at 4:36PM
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amyfiddler

Sarcastic? I guess I missed that. I got that the last part was not serious, but the original question seemed to be genuine, like "what happened there as I was looking in...am I crazy" type thing.

Sorry to have missed that, I guess I look a bit foolish now.

(Exiting quietly - got better stuff to do than to take sarcasm. You're the one who asked the question to begin with.)

    Bookmark   March 20, 2008 at 9:07PM
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carla35

Oh, gosh, I don't mean to start something. I could have easily been wrong about scarlett being sarcastic. It's so hard to 'read' things on these boards. Maybe she wasn't being sarcastic at all and I was just reading it wrong. Sorry.

    Bookmark   March 20, 2008 at 10:44PM
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scarlett2001

No, no, I wasn't being sarcastic. If it came across that way, I apologize. (Was kidding about the meeting part.)I have heard the phrase "out of body experience" but I thought it must be some type of New Age thing. I was honestly askng for info on what this was, because it was kind of scary and I have not had this happen before. Apparently some people have felt it. A close friend told me she "travels outside her body all the time"???

    Bookmark   March 21, 2008 at 12:12PM
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popi_gw

"I don't really know, but I had the strongest feeling that I was outside of the room, looking at the two of us as though we were actors on a stage and I was watching from a balcony or something! Weird!"

This sounds like an out of body experience, to me.

I think this can happen when we are under extreme stress. Its like our mind takes over and we say and do things without being in full control. It is scarey, really scarey...to think of what could happen.

In meditation, this can happen too, but in a positive way, not anger, aggression, just utter relaxation.

P

    Bookmark   March 21, 2008 at 6:00PM
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blue_velvet_elvis

I work at Geico. You are both wrong. He's our spokescreature. :~)

I did have a person call in once and be offended because she knew that gecko's can't talk because she's a zoologist... then she asked in a small voice how we got him to speak.

You all have TOO much time on your hands! ;~)

    Bookmark   March 22, 2008 at 12:15PM
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asolo

"You all have TOO much time on your hands!"

Yes, we do!

    Bookmark   March 22, 2008 at 12:38PM
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marge727

I always enjoy your discussions on this thread Scarlett, Amy and Asolo and the others. It sure beats the forums on arranging your shelves to accomodate large boots.
Scarlett, looking at your other discussions, I think you are going to have to work something friendly out with your husband because I don't believe the "gecko rage" or "out of body experience" is going to be much of a defense when you attack him even here in California.
Its possible he likes being contrary and fighting. Some people grow up in a home where battling or drinking go on everyday and they think that's normal, so even if they were married to somebody pretty agreeable they would start an argument. I don't know how easy it would be to change that kind of a personality.

    Bookmark   March 31, 2008 at 4:54PM
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