Problems! Need Help!!!

icarisMarch 15, 2007

Hello, im gonna try to make this as quick and to the point as i can, because of the lenghthiness of my question.

ive been married for 5 years, it been great untill lately.

im not sure whats going on with my wife, it seems that everything she does, (well in my eyes but not her's) seems so secretive. She always is on the phone, im sure thats typical for a woman, but its between 2-4 hours, we never have any QT time, because of this, its either shes on the phone or on the computer? everytime i want to spend time with her shes unavailible to me, because of the phone or internet and when she is done its now between 1-3am in the morning and she wants to go to bed.

The bed! another issue, sex, hmmm whats that? nothing i seem to do will put her in the mood for it. i try romatic candles, oil massages, dinners, rose filled bath tubs, come on, what else do i have to do to put her in the mood, for us to share some intamacy. everytime she says that she hurts and needs rubbed, i say ill go get the oil and rub your shoulders, her reply is NO that will just lead to sex.

please! am i missing something here? isn't love makeing and being intimite with your spouse a big part of your marriage?

i don't get it. i thought it might have been me, maybe im not what i use to look like? so i tradmadically changed myself back JUST FOR HER. i lost weight, i started to work out, build my body back up. i have toned muscles, 6 pack abs, i know im not ugly, i get looks from all kinds of women, but im only interested in my wife. i don't want anyone else.

so thats that problem. the other problem is this, what should i think.

my wife started a web page site, very popular one, i won't mention which one for i can't stand the site, (its full of viruses, i know, i work on computers) but anyway, she never told me about it. i found out on my own, so i asked her about it, she replied, its for both of us!

ok, so what ever, but what i don't understand, is how come when i go on it, all the emails, are erased, all sent messages are erased, all inbox messages, are erased. why?

so my suspicions are up. everything with her seems it has to be, private, i thought marriage is suppose to be open and honest? why do you have to have two or more emails accounts, of which one of them, was one i found out on my own, and she was hidding it.

im so confused, i don't understand whats going on with her, or with our marriage, i can't say im perfect, becuase im not, but i never did anything to ever make her feel suspicious of me.

someone please help me out here, i confronted her with this, and it blew up like an A-BOMB. i don't trust her, she says, but i asked, if thats the case, then what would make me feel suspicious then, what causes that? no answer was given.

bottom line, is im sick, not virus, but physically sick, i can't eat, i can't sleep, my stomach is in knots, maybe i should've have even mentioned any of that to her, i don't know. but i can't stay like this its making me weak. i just want her to be the wife i married 5 years ago, were nothing was ever kept secret from either of us, were we can talk open about everything, were we shared our feelings openingly.

PLEASE HELP ME! i don't want to lose her or my marriage.

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It takes two to make a marriage work, and right now, from what you've said, you seem to be the only one trying. Your efforts are commendable, and it sounds like you're doing many of the right things. But frankly, they don't appear to be working. Your wife seems to be holding back from you and directing her energy in other directions.

I think it's time for a long talk. Try to stay calm, not get defensive, and really listen to your wife. Make a list of the things that concern you - boil it down to 3 or 4, then without accusing her, tell her that you're concerned and ask her where she's coming from. You need to know if she still wants to be married to you, and if so, why she's been acting the way she has. But things definitely need to change for this marriage to endure.

    Bookmark   March 15, 2007 at 2:46PM
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You seem to be making an effort which is commendable, but as Sweeby says, its time to talk.

You need to encourage your wife to talk to you, to find out how she feels. Please remain calm, pick a good time to talk, perhaps prepare for the talk.

All the best.

    Bookmark   March 15, 2007 at 8:41PM
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