Marriage is Like New Carpet

scarlett2001March 13, 2009

At first it's so beautiful and new! You're so happy with it and you show it off to all your friends. You really take good care of it because you want it to last a long, long time. Hey, this may be the carpet, finally, that will last the rest of your life.

Stage two, a few spots are beginning to show. You are religious about taking care of these right away and it seems that you have removed the spots and all is well again. You know you can do this, if you are just vigilant enough. You resolve to be on guard...nothing is going to spoil your beautiful carpet. You banish the dog.

Stage three-you are fighting a losing battle. You begin to cover up the worst spots with area rugs, but you are disenchanted. People begin to remark on the state of your carpet. You know it is nowhere near what it once was. It gives you no joy. You don't want to look at it, yet you can't get rid of it quite yet.

Stage four- It depresses you, it is a daily reproach. You either live with it trying never to look at it or you rip it up and throw it out. And then you begin looking for a new carpet, knowing that it will probably happen all over again.

(Your best friend tells you she is quite content living with bare floors but you don't think that will really work for you. Will it?)

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Karen_sl

Thats so sad...
You missed an important step in the middle.
The newness fades.
The spots show.
You realize that all life has spots and bumps and deal with them.
There is another way besides getting rid of the old.
Karen L

    Bookmark   March 13, 2009 at 2:20PM
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amyfiddler

Yep. Marriage is just like a carpet. Take care of it and it will last its own lifetime.

    Bookmark   March 13, 2009 at 5:00PM
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popi_gw

With carpet - if you invest in a good carpet it will last a lifetime.

Like marriage - invest in it - done in many ways, maybe that is the key from the beginning.

    Bookmark   March 14, 2009 at 2:52AM
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rosemaryt

Bare floors are easier to keep clean and they endure forever. And bare floors never forget to put the toilet seat down.

    Bookmark   April 15, 2009 at 5:05PM
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pjb999

It could be argued that the toilet seat's correct position should be UP, not down ;) although the media et al demonise men and all those 'surveys' etc about housework are often quite slanted. Not to say that many men don't do their share. Many men do, and many men do the stuff some women don't consider "housework" but is equally important (my ex said the work I did outside/on top of/underneath the house wasn't work because I 'enjoyed' it - yep, I just LOVE cleaning gutters, and crawling over broken glass and fossilised dog poo under the house....)

The other 'advantage' of bare floors, to continue the analogy, is they don't force you to take stock of yourself or grow, or get along with others. You can spill, wipe up, nobody's the wiser.

    Bookmark   April 16, 2009 at 1:31PM
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pjb999

I should add, I leave the seat down just because it looks neater, and then nothing falls in there. Otherwise I guess it's a matter of opinion.

    Bookmark   April 16, 2009 at 1:32PM
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amyfiddler

Oh dear. Without question, the seat (or are you talking about lid?) should be DOWN, because when men do their business they inevitably leave evidence, thus the reason for the seat in the first place. To protect the fair maiden's assets from the offending stuff. Not to mention the horrors of "falling in" in the middle of the night when the seat is left up.

In our house we leave the seat and lid down when business is done. Then, no one is unfairly treated- everyone has to 'work' after business is completed.

How about that for a lovely hijack?

    Bookmark   April 16, 2009 at 7:26PM
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pjb999

LOL, opinions are like - you know....we all have one.

Getting back to the original topic, I liked the analogy a lot.

    Bookmark   April 17, 2009 at 4:41PM
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byebyemind

I really like this analogy. I think my marriage is at stage 2 right now. Better take the steam cleaner out and use it a lot to get my carpet back to the way it looked when I first got it!!!

    Bookmark   April 18, 2009 at 10:27PM
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pfloyd174

Jeez, I didn't think marriages were disposable.

Quite frankly, I am offended. If you honestly believe that a marriage is something that is shown-off to impress your friends, then please stick to your hard-woods. I recommend a good walnut. They wear well, when installed correctly almost never buckle, are easy to maintain, and always require wool socks in the winter.

I'm learning more about women's perspective on life and love than I ever did by reading Glamour or Cosmo, let alone talking with my friends who are women.

Great marriages are living, breathing, fires and tempests. It takes real work and spirit to keep them alive and flourishing.

Carpet. Bah. I feel sorry for you.

    Bookmark   April 19, 2009 at 11:30PM
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pjb999

Pfloyd,

Good point. Many DO seem them as disposable, or make telling remarks that reveal many do see them as a commodity. Or say "I'd like to be married at age x and have kids by age y" - My stepson had a gf who was a really nice person, very sweet, but had that schedule. He was not ready for all that, and wisely stepped aside. Within a year, she was engaged.

To me, that suggests that if someone can 'plan' to marry when they haven't met anyone, they are LOOKING for it, so will latch onto the first available remotely compatible (or not) person available.

Which reminds me of the joke (and I'm not being negative towards women, there are far more jokes of this type about men) "How does a woman find the perfect man? Grabs the first one she sees, and changes him.

I think "The Batchelor" illustrates the carpet/commodification of relationships - it's 100 times worse than a 'shipboard romance' - because everyone goes into it with a view to meeting someone and trying to make him/her fit. They psych themselves into it. Apart from the wealth and glitz and glamour, and the oft-perceived hope of their own little tv career/fame, I doubt many of these people would meet and 'fall in love' if you can even call it that, without the artificial constraints of the show.

My wife and I have a wonderful marriage and are soul mates, but I can't watch that show with her, I think it's twisted and perverse.

So I realised I had to qualify myself - I do like the 'carpet' analogy in as far as it's amusing and does sort of fit, but it does imply a commodification. However, I do think you can see it a different way, just as an illustration of the 'honeymoon phase' and its decline - remember Scarlett was illustrating it as something deteriorating - so perhaps we're reading too much into it.

I guess a GOOD marriage would become more like an antique or a fine wine or classic car - improving with age.

Unfortunately, I don't think that the majority of marriages are like that.

    Bookmark   April 20, 2009 at 12:21PM
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amyfiddler

I wonder if they could be, though? People lack skills, and nowdays, lack respect for marriage and reverence for it.

Let's face it, marriages ARE disposable because we accept divorce as an option, if not for ourselves, certainly for those around us. It's unfortunate.

Very few of us any more begging people to pay attention and focus on the self as opposed to focus on the other. Flippant commentaries such as the marriage one don't help. of course it was meant to be lighter than this, but it certainly is an indication of how people view the world.

    Bookmark   April 20, 2009 at 3:43PM
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scarlett2001

That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.

    Bookmark   April 20, 2009 at 4:55PM
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Karen_sl

Our 29th anniversary was yesterday!
I like the good wine or classic car thought.
The most important thing for a great marriage is to think of the other person first (most days)
My spouse was asked to go fishing out of state for 8 days...he was going to say no because it fell during the time of our anniversary. I encouraged him to go and have a good time...it is good for a spouse to spend some time apart.
Karen L

    Bookmark   April 20, 2009 at 8:18PM
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dotz_gw

Karen, As they say on Facebook, Dotz likes this!!!:)Reminds me of Gift of The Magi, she cuts her hair to buy him a watch fob, he sells his watch to buy her a comb..He wants to stay home and celebrate the anniversary, you want him to go and enjoy himself..Bravo!!!Anytime you have more advice, I d being willing to listen!!!

    Bookmark   April 23, 2009 at 7:25PM
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stargazzer

I guess I am the bare floor type of girl, don't want no carpet no more. LOL

    Bookmark   April 23, 2009 at 7:33PM
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