His Ring

keepitmovinMarch 4, 2008

I just found out that my fiance still has his wedding ring from his previous marriage in his jewelry/keepsake box. I'm not sure how to feel about it. and I don't know if that's normal. They split a few years ago after a brief marriage.

What's the consensus on this?

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lostsoul

does he have kids with his previous marriage, if so, maybe hes keeping it for one of them, if not you can just ask him why he still is holding onto the past, when he has a future with you.
im sure its probably nothing to worry about, after all he married you!
do have any jewelery from a previous relationship you still keep?

    Bookmark   March 4, 2008 at 12:49PM
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sweeby

What are you supposed to do with it?

I still have my old wedding and engagement rings from my first marriage. There's a few $K worth of diamonds in there that don't belong in a trash can. I don't see passing them onto my son and would certainly never wear them again. Frankly, I can't even see resetting the stones into anything else that I would wear. Guess I should maybe ebay them...

But they certainly don't mean anything sentimental that my husband should worry about.

    Bookmark   March 4, 2008 at 4:26PM
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Jonesy

I see nothing wrong with it. I still had the wedding rings from my first marriage when I my married my second husband. They didn't mean anything to me nor to my children. Besides someone can love two people, but as long as they put their spouse first it doesn't matter. You can't turn off love like a water tap. Years later I sold them at a pawn shop. I am glad I didn't invest in diamond jewelery, it's almost worthless on the second market.

    Bookmark   March 4, 2008 at 4:26PM
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asolo

Ignore it...as in completely. Not worthy of concern or discussion.

    Bookmark   March 4, 2008 at 4:46PM
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popi_gw

I wouldn't read anything into it. Maybe it shows he is sentimental ?? This is good for you !

    Bookmark   March 4, 2008 at 5:17PM
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sweeby

We need a charity to recycle 'cursed' wedding/engagement rings and convert them into cash to support battered spouse's shelters, provide legal aid to victems of abusive partners, subsidize marriage counseling to save marriages in trouble...

Anyone know of such a thing? I'd get a lot more milage out of the tax deduction...

    Bookmark   March 4, 2008 at 6:42PM
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sue36

As long as he isn't carrying it around (I actually dated a guy who carried his around in a little metal pill box. The relationship didn't last!) I look at it like keeping old letters or pictures - just a memory. No big deal. I still have my old rings and so does DH, I believe.

    Bookmark   March 4, 2008 at 7:10PM
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shaun

Ask him if they mean someting to him, if not, melt the gold down and make him a nice ring.

I melted down my wedding rings from my previous set and made a beautiful cocktail ring.

    Bookmark   March 4, 2008 at 7:10PM
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finedreams

I kept my wedding ring after divorce. then my hosue was robbed and it was stolen with everything else. I do not have any feelings for ex accept the fact that he is a father of my DD but I would have no problem keeping it if it wouldn't be stolen. It is not like a big deal, i also keep wedding pictures etc. it is the past, it should stay in the past but it does not have to be erased like it never existed. This is not a big deal. What is he supposed to do with the ring, throw it out? of course he keeps it. forget about it.

    Bookmark   March 4, 2008 at 11:00PM
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imamommy

I don't think it means anything. My husband still has his in an envelope with his marriage certificate. (lol, he never filed the original marriage license/certificate with the county) He also has some of his old wedding portraits. They are in a box in storage room. Everybody has a past and it doesn't mean they have to erase it just because they aren't together anymore. I don't think many guys like to hang onto that stuff, but if they do, it's probably not a big deal.

    Bookmark   March 5, 2008 at 1:52AM
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amyfiddler

I think simply because you took the time to ask the question here, you should have a conversation about it with your man. Use it to learn how to talk to each other. That by far is the more pertinent issue here - if it bothers you at all, have a conversation about it. You had a reaction, so talk about it.

"hey I noticed you are keeping that ring. What meaning does it have for you? I'll admit I was a bit concerned, wondering if maybe you had some unresolved feelings there. But then, lots of people hang on to stuff for various reasons, and I was just wondering how you felt about it." Then listen and learn about him.

    Bookmark   March 5, 2008 at 11:26AM
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finedreams

I accidentally bumped on BF's wedding pictures. Oh boy, like 30 years old pics. I was distraught for a minute, I don't know why but I felt jealous, lol, his X looks pretty scary now but she did look cute then. I was actually surpsised how nice she looked then. I did feel jealous. Then it hit me that i have my wedding album, not even hidden nowhere but right here on a shelf. Why am I upset that somebody else keeps pictures and who cares how someone looked 30 years ago? Of course we all look cute young. It is stupid, it doesn't bother me anymore. sometimes instead of confronting your SOs right away it helps to think about it for a minute. sometimes problems dissolve on their own.

    Bookmark   March 5, 2008 at 1:31PM
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amyfiddler

fine-
I agree - sometimes it is good to sit on it for a minute- but notice I did not say "confront' - that would absolutely be the wrong thing to do.

You are right, some people need a moment to consider and process their thoughts and feelings before jumping into a conversation. I'm thinking that a few days is too much thinking, and it's time to talk and share - but confront? No way.

    Bookmark   March 5, 2008 at 2:36PM
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keepitmovin

Thanks all. I think i was more curious about what people do since I've never had that situation. Helps put it in perspective. Thanks

    Bookmark   March 6, 2008 at 12:51PM
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shaun

Imamommy, if your husband never filed the marriage certificate with the county, was he really legally married?

I'm only asking because when I got married years ago, the Notary's commission had expired 2 yrs before he performed our ceremony. I kept calling the courthouse to see if the marriage was recorded and they kept telling me no it hadn't. The Notary never sent the license in to the courthouse and therefore they said I was not married. We had to get married all over again.

Your post made me curious about that.

    Bookmark   March 7, 2008 at 4:33PM
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