Is it good to marry a doctor woman?

jimmy25March 27, 2007

If your answer is NO/Yes, please specify with reasons.

I'm an IT engineer and I would like to know what would I be expecting. Things which might be work related matters which I should be aware of etc, or how work can affect the personal/family life etc.

I appreciate if you are a man who are married to one as you guys might have know heaps, of course I know case by case is different. Just in general guide thing, you know what I mean!

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While I'm not married to a doctor myself, I have several good friends who are either doctors themselves or married to doctors.

Almost all of the doctors work incredibly long hours and are under a lot of stress, except the podiatrist, who has reasonable hours. They seem to always be 'on call' or to be receiving work-related calls, even if they're not technically on call. Because their work takes such concentration and because mistakes are so serious, they appear to me to have a hard time relaxing. Some of my female Dr. friends have confided that it's hard for them to unwind enough and 'turn off' their analytical brains and enjoy a relly satisfying marital relationship. My female spouse friends have the same complaints about their Dr. husbands -- that he is too tired or not relaxed.

While there's certainly social status, the money they earn doesn't seem to be enough for all they have to go through and the liability they assume. They're wonderful people, but not who I would choose for a team-spouse.

    Bookmark   March 27, 2007 at 11:28AM
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What kind of doctor? Some have very regular hours and very few emergencies. Others have lots of emergencies and irregular schedules. Some have pretty mundane work-lives while others deal with crises every day. Some work in laboratories or academic settings that are pretty much 9-5. What does your woman do?

    Bookmark   March 27, 2007 at 11:45AM
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You know...if you are considering whether or not to marry a woman based on her career I think you are doomed anyhow. How cold is that? If she is a medical doctor (there ARE other kinds) then it is a big part of who she is - it takes a lot of commitment and dedication to be a doctor. Somehow I think the choice of who to marry should be based on larger issues - like love and do you respect and admire her for who and what she is. Is she the person you would like to mother your children? Do you see yourself growing older with her rather than someone else? Do you want to find ways to make her happy? Do you want to adjust your life so that she fits like a glove? If the only thing that concerns you is whether her career choice will inconvenience you, well then....I don't have a lot of hope for ya.

Maybe I've read this wrong. Maybe there is something I'm missing. I hope you will set me straight cause I'd hate to think that you are seriously considering marriage with that kind of mindset.

    Bookmark   March 27, 2007 at 9:24PM
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Many thanks for all replies, I guess you are all correct in some ways.
Re lindakimy, I should say this. Yes, I love her although the strong feeling has developed in recent months. I would love her to be mother of my children and someone who I like to spend rest of my life. She currently live overseas and will be coming over to stay with me for 3 months so we can get to know each other etc.

Indeed she wanted to let me know the nature of her job and if I'm going to be OK with that, hence I have a office job and much lesser stress full job overall. She is finishing her PH.D and also would like to teach as well practising as an skin specialist. But another problem is that she has done her study in Russia and getting her qualification assessed by Australian medical council will take her another 2-3 years etc. However sooner or later she is going to be in this field.

I'm myself outgoing and like to go out on weekends and at least 2 holidays a year etc. But, what worries me is a bit is that she is already stressed out even way before being in the job, so its a bit scary to me that once she starts how worse that can go.....

Of course I would love to adjust and I'm understanding, but sometime is good to know how bad such career can affect a family in least I know what I'm going to expect.

I hope I have described the sitution a bit clearer so everyone can get a better picture!!

    Bookmark   March 28, 2007 at 4:21AM
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Will this be an arranged marriage? I get the feeling it has been a long distance relationship and maybe she needs the marriage in order to come to this country?

Dermatologists tend to be able to keep regular work hours and rarely are called out for Emergency situations. If she were a Surgeon or an OB/GYN it would be a different story.
If she goes into a group practice then weekend coverage would be shared among her group members. If you have a sensitive ego, you'll have to adjust to not being the center of attention at gatherings. If she should attend seminars or other symposiums expect that 90% of the other sposes are female and activities are generally geared to their interests. But if you're a "stand alone" kind of guy you'll do fine.
As far as children goes, if she has 9-5 daily office hours then there's no problem unless one of the kids gets sick and then you should be willing to take the day off to take care of the child. She really wouldn't be canceling patients to stay home with a sick child.
It seems that she's not the only one stressed at a situation
that hasn't even developed yet. How about getting to know the lady first and then make decisions based on what you learn about her.

    Bookmark   March 29, 2007 at 8:51PM
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Hi Monablair, Thanks for your friendly guide and advice :)
No, this is not arranged marriage. We both have same nationality and I went and met her 2 months ago. She is also not coming for the sake of living in a better country as with her education she can easily get residency as a skilled migrants.

    Bookmark   March 30, 2007 at 3:42AM
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Jimmy, I'm not clear on this. Will she have a PHD or an MD degree?

    Bookmark   March 30, 2007 at 8:57AM
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This thread is very strange...let's stop it here.

    Bookmark   March 31, 2007 at 3:57AM
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