My DS and DIL have differing views on how a household should be maintained. He feels that a home should be kept in a neat fashion and things should be where they belong. My DIL has a much more relaxed attitude about this and as result their 11 year old daughter tends to be somewhat messy.
As an example, clothes are removed and dropped on the floor instead of being placed in the hamper. Make up and personal items are left on the bathroom vanities rather than saved in the vanity drawers. Glasses, cups,dishes are left on the table or counter rather than placed in the dishwasher or sink.
My DS is a stay at home father and shops, cleans, does laundry, cooks, etc. He also takes care of their 3 year old son. By late afternoon dinner is started and the house is straight, the 11 yr has done her homework. When my DIL gets home from work, she takes off and leaves her shoes in the kitchen. She changes out of her work clothes and leaves them on the BR floor.
Picking up after herself is a "I'll do it later thing" and it never gets done so my DS picks up after her.
Folding laundry was to be a shared task. Right now a set of sheets has been on the dining table for 17 days because she was going to do it and hasn't. it's the elephant in the corner that everyone is trying to ignore. I think he should just fold the darned sheets instead of stewing over the latest thing she hasn't followed through on. He refuses.
Washing dishes is a shared task, rotating between DS, GD and DIL. On the nights that it's DIL's turn the dishes don't get done and DS has to do them in the morning.
The messiness is taking its toll on the marriage and it's getting really stressed.
They've been together 9 years and she's promised to try harder and does but only for about a month and then reverts. And it's gotten worse over time. He doesn't mind doing what he does, but is aggravated that she expects him to clean up after her every single day.
His staying home saves them a lot of money for after school care for my 11 yr old GD and day care for the 3 yr old. On Saturdays he does the yard and stays with the kids while she helps her friends with "projects".
I need advice. I've suggested counseling; hopefully they'll both go. If not, I hope he will.
Should I try to talk to her? Or just sit on the sidelines and wait.
It would do no good to speak with her Mom; that house is always a mess and a walking hazard because of the stuff left laying around on the floor.