How do you answer these questions?

cheerful1_gwMarch 1, 2012

Whenever my husband and I fight, he says I've done nothing to help the marriage. He's recently retired; I work full time, I do what I can around the house. I pay the bills; make the appointments, etc. He takes care of the dog during the day and runs the errands.

Everything I say that I do, he says "you would have done that if you were single". The point is, I'm doing it now for us. I feel like I'm in a no-win situation.

This is a small part of my situation. My story's long and complicated and I don't want to get into it right now. I think I'm just venting right now because I don't have anyone I'd want to confide in.

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nancylouise_gw

Well then if he doesn't like the way things are going or the way you are doing things...then hand the reins over to him. Don't do the things you are doing for your marriage. And stick to it. Let him do all that you do and see how he manages. After all he is home all the time being retired. NancyLouise

    Bookmark   March 1, 2012 at 8:32AM
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cheerful1_gw

When he says "I can hire somebody to do this", it demeans what I do.

Sometimes I'm tempted to say, "you're home all day", but I know what the reaction will be (I don't think he's adjusting well to retirement).

    Bookmark   March 1, 2012 at 9:25AM
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colleenoz

When he says "I can hire somebody to do this", tell him, "Well, go right ahead", and stop doing it.

    Bookmark   March 1, 2012 at 9:27AM
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asolo

Among the stupid things any semi-intelligent husband would know not to say to his wife, this is right up there. He should expect to be called on it.

    Bookmark   March 1, 2012 at 11:33AM
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popi_gw

Did he say all this before he retired ?

    Bookmark   March 1, 2012 at 11:03PM
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scarlett2001

This is actually a pretty good place to vent, if you're not too thin skinned. The advantage is, you won't run into us at a family gathering, supermarket etc. Venting can be a great release! My DH and I had a bad patch about a year ago last spring and venting here probably saved me from bashing him with a heavy object.

    Bookmark   March 2, 2012 at 3:27AM
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amyfiddler

Sounds to me like he wants more than a roommate and housekeeper.

    Bookmark   March 2, 2012 at 11:42AM
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tracystoke

Like you said, you are venting on here,we all need to do that at times,we need to know more of your story to give any advice but im guessing your husband feels jelous you have a working life whilst he now doesnt.

    Bookmark   March 2, 2012 at 4:33PM
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readinglady

I don't know what you're fighting about, so don't know how his claim that you've done nothing to help the marriage plays into the issues.

I do know, though, that my husband retired some years before I did and when that happened he picked up a lot of those extra tasks. He has disabilities and that imposed limits on what he could do, but he didn't expect me to pay the bills, make appointments, etc. because he had the time for them.

I agree with the previous poster. If he is dissatisfied and says he can hire someone, let him. Right now it sounds like you have two full-time jobs and he has none. It's time he carried more of the weight.

It's OK also to let some things slide if he's unwilling. Bills, of course, have to be paid. He should do it, but if he doesn't you don't want your own financial well-being to be at risk. But a lot of other things aren't all that necessary. Let them go and let him see what it's like without you doing all those additional tasks.

    Bookmark   March 3, 2012 at 4:29AM
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